Saturday, May 30, 2020

As The Carrot Turns: THE TENT

So my parents loved their backyard. It was their oasis: sunroom, waterfall & pond, an upper terrace, more botanicals than you can stick a shake at. Soooo Dad buys this tent from BOSCOVS and of course being the only son I had to help put the fucker together with him. So he never anchored it properly. So I’m like dad what about anchors?? And he’s like it’s cool beans fagget about it—AIGHT!

This wicked ass rain storm came thru one day. I was out, dad’s at work. Moms home by herself. I eventually come home after the storm and mom says is the tent still back there and I’m like where else would it be?? Tf. She says she heard a lot of noise in the back and there was crashing and banging πŸ™„πŸ™„πŸ™„πŸ™„πŸ™„πŸ™„πŸ™„πŸ™„πŸ™„πŸ™„πŸ™„ ok ma I’ll go check. I walk around to the back yard and BAM! Tents gone 😳. I looked over to the left (you sang it didn’t you lol) and the tent looks at me and starts doing what’s in that gif and I’m like do what you wanna do I don’t have time for this. I walk back around. My moms on the porch like IS THE TENT OK?????? πŸ₯Ί I mean ya I guess so ion know sway. She’s like what that mean??? We’ll wait for yo husband to come home. Phone rings it’s the neighbor, mom answers. Neighbor says is Mr. RAMSEY home?? Mama says nah what you want??? Neighbor says his tent is in my backyard 😐 mom looks at me and I look back like tf you expected me to do?? Mom says ok hangs up; dials my dad tells him he can’t stop for snacks after work he gotta come straight home. He rushes tf home from the IRS (yes we both worked there) all my mom was able to say to him was YOUR TENT this man lost his ever loving mind threw his keys and cell phone and attachΓ© bag down and went running to the backyard (like the dude in get out) I go back there too coz I’m nosy lol. My dad starts the theatrics and I’m like yo bro calm down look it’s over there. And he looks over to the left and says HOW THE FUCK DID IT GET OVER THERE?? I’m like it ran over there 😐 and he’s like ITS NOT FUNNY LESANS—I’m not trying to be funny dad. So my dad collects himself 🧐 and says c’mon we need to go get it. WHOA WHATS THIS FRENCH YOU SPEAK OF????

Needless to say we flipped that big bitch over two yards to get back to our yard. And then we went to Home Depot or Lowe’s one of the two to get the anchors to make sure it didn’t run off again

Yawl have no idea how excited I was when that tent finally broke πŸ€—πŸ˜… #dontjudgeme

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