Wednesday, June 27, 2018

Reason 6: That Drive


I think one  thing that’s important is creating that drive in life. That determination, that “I wake up every morning just for this” feeling. I feel like that should be implemented while we’re kids. I find when you give a little person that motivation and cheer them on. That would probably have helped a lot of people of today who are always whining or so unmotivated. However that little bit does help and go a long way, but we still need our own passionate self-motivation. That I can say is probably one of the hardest things to find when discovering ourselves. 


College helps, young adulting helps too, but none really give you that drive you’re looking for or need. I honestly didn’t find my drive (my determination) until I was getting towards my 30s. So that right there says a lot right? But the crazy part about it is that it’s not what you would think or what we’re made to believe. That drive isn’t kids or pets or career related. It has nothing to do with relationships, family or education or a prestigious resume. It’s the most random thing that gets you going and the best part is that once you find it. You can’t help but to feed into it and keep going. It’s what makes you the most happiest, it brings the best out of you. Now the other factors I mention can come into play and super-size that drive into something spectacular no doubt. I guess what I’m trying to say is that your drive is intangible. It’s something that you can always possess without it being taken away from you.


My drive at first was Hawthorn. After my mom died he gave me the need to want to continue on and not go jump off a bridge (lack of better terms). And he remained that determination until his sister Lily-Rose passed away last year. I was aware one day they would die. However I never took time out to think how I would handle it. Let’s just say I didn’t handle it well at all. It freaked me out and became slight traumatizing. Then I said to myself it’s ok, I still have Hawthorn. Well much to my chagrin, shortly after Lily died, Hawthorn got really sick and was close to death himself. That’s when I knew that my drive this entire time, could be taken away from me and I’d be sitting there in limbo trying to figure out what the hell is going to happen next. So during my time of unemployment, after being shifted by a shiesty boss, I took time out to think about what I wanted to do. What I needed and also what I expected of myself. I decided to try new things. I wrote 3 books, I created hair jewelry. For the first time I felt super excited and alive! I realized then that my passion isn’t so much to survive like everyone else. That’s a natural instinct. It’s because I want to succeed but on my own terms and determination. Not by others who want to tell me an outrageously high and egotistical standard of success based and bias upon themselves. No. I’m not meant to have a boss. I AM THE BOSS (ok!). I’m tired of trying to impress people and be what they need and still not be good enough. Fuck that. I’m going to be LéSans and everyone’s going to know my name. I may not have instant success, but doesn’t mean I won’t be successful later in life. Things take time to grow. Can’t plant a seed tonight and expect a tall tree of blossoms in the morning, right?









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