Sunday, June 10, 2018

Reason 3: Lesson Learned?


I realized like days and posts later I didn’t post it although I thought I did lol 


Once in a while I come across one of those “A-ha” moments. You know where you finally realize you’ve being doing something wrong or the hard way and there’s that epiphany moment of well oh shit I didn’t know that… Yeah.


These last couple years I LEARNED A LOT. Some several times over because let’s face it I’m a Taurus I’m hardheaded lol. However after hitting 30 I kinda told myself we gotta do better. There is no need that I need to be going on a remedial hike over the same shit constantly. I feel like this time around I was more aware. Some I did let the mistake happen to see what the possible outcome would be.  For example (or a couple) I knew my man cheated on me I tried to move on and reconcile with him, he still fucked up treated me like crap and that happened several times over and over again. Had a friend use me and fuck me over financially and I was well aware it was going to happen and I let it happen. Things like that.


But I realized something. I didn’t want to be in my 40s still doing this same shit. Like GOD, fix it! I couldn’t fathom being 41 letting a man fuck with my feelings and moral fiber or a friend treat me like crap and I have to accept that as friendship. I didn’t want be 41 trying to make a job work or it being my 20th job in a 5 year span. I didn’t want to be struggling to make ends meet or be behind on bills or trying to fix a car older than me. No. I can’t imagine that. Honestly it’s been 5 years since I’ve been on my own you’d think I’d have myself somewhat together and I don’t. I’m hoping in the next 5 years that I do. However the biggest lesson I’ve learned is that no matter what(!)—no one comes before me.


I don’t mean in a negative selfish way. I was raised to always help someone because you never knew who would help you. Even though I’ve received little to no help. I still did it because that’s what I was taught. But I realized that sometimes you can’t help everyone else especially if you’re not helping yourself. I can’t be helping my “friend” or “man” out financially when I can’t even pay own bills or help myself out financially. I can’t be worried about someone’s transportation issues, if they’re the same person that won’t give me a ride when I need it. It’s ok to be compassionate and assist when acceptable. But you shouldn’t give all of yourself to a person who’s not even giving you  a mere morsel of themselves. That aint right.


This year I’ve learned to keep my success to myself. Even the slightest thing. I found when I boasted about it whatever it was I either lost it or never came into fruition. I learned to cut people off and focus on me and my needs. I got goals to accomplish. I want a new house at some point. I want to move out of state. But I need to be right financially and mentally to make that move. However when I focus on other people and their issues, I ended up helping them cleanse their problems and taking on theirs and still have mine too. I was tired of waiting on people to do fun stuff with me or for me because I wasn’t doting or fawning over them.


Well I’m 31 and I’m not having it. Unh-unh honey no more. That bullshit stops TODAY well it technically stopped on May 20, 2018 but you get my drift. I went out, I went and did what I wanted—movies, dinner, arcades galore—got me an ice cream birthday cake. In a long time I actually enjoyed my birthday. I had fun. I felt better too because I wasn’t dragging other people’s problems with me, or having them trying to block my shine or ruin my good mood. I didn’t have to be restricted or uncomfortable… It LEGIT was a good day! I said well I’ll be damned maybe I need to do this more often. And you know what?? Lesson learned….I plan to.



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