Wednesday, January 18, 2017

A Half Child

I came across this random post on Facebook earlier during my insomnia. About people finding out about their half siblings. It was through Whisper. I decided to read it, but it wasn't until I kept scrolling that it hit home for me. It started to hurt. Because all I could think of is that my kid is going to be in that position. All because me and her dad couldnt work out our differences. In step further him being difficult and uncooperative. 

However the more I scrolled the more I got disturbed and wondered how many people felt like this? I have no idea, I never had siblings. The thought or basically for me to know that my child has 3 older brothers and sister that she may never meet or may be able to meet one day but never form any kind of bond bothers me more than me being a single parent. So even though she'll have siblings they may never accept her for whatever the reason may be. They may never acknowledge her. They may even pretend she doesn't exist (kind of what of her father does now). Or they may even sustain a half ass relationship with her to borrow money, mooch off her or just use her. I don't want that either. But it's a weird subject. Honestly I'm not sure how to approach the subject if she ever asks me one day. Like this is all uncharted territory for me and I'm going in ass backwards hoping for the best outcome. 

But I will say this. Even to those who are half siblings or have them. This is coming from an only child. It's better to have ANY KIND of siblings than none at all. 

I can't give my child, aunts or uncles or cousins or grandparents. All because it's just me. It sucks. I kind of grew up like that but with both parents. Older cousins, distant aunts and uncles and a grandma who didn't live too long. I remember from grade school it seemed like every other day was sibling day or being your grandmother or grandfather to school day. And I could never participate and always had to take a sit somewhere on my lonesome. But I longed to have siblings. It would be nice to figure things out with a brother or sister. Or to have someone there when I need a shoulder to cry on. Or even be an aunt to someone. I will never get that chance. I KNOW from first hand experience how much it sucks to not have a close family.  It makes you bitter, mean, unhappy and jealous of other families. I personally had family get togethers and holiday dinners because I have to sit in a room full of strangers I'm related to that not only CANNOT spell my name correctly but don't even know how old I am. We don't even have anything generally in common. It's horrid. I hate the winter holidays for that very reason. 

However don't denounce your half siblings because you share just a mom or a dad and have separate families. That's so fucked up. Life is short, and you should be so grateful to have something that a lot of people don't have. 

It's like having your dad walk you down the aisle for your wedding or dancing with him at your reception. A lot of women don't experience it. But if you have a father and he wants to work things out humor him. It's the little things that count. 

I hope that one day even through all this bullshit with her dad. We can get along enough to have the kids meet and maybe form some sort of bond. Plus who wants their kids dating each other??? UGH THATS EVEN WORST!!! 

I damn sure don't want my child dating their half sibling. That's a disaster waiting to happen!

But on the same token if we never come to a mutual agreement. Me and her dad. Then I still will tell her she has 2 brothers and a sister (that I'm aware of). Tell her who her dad is (that he's partially psycho lol). Just got her knowledge so she doesn't feel I'm just here. There's been a lot of times I felt like I'm just here. That my family was only me, my mum and my dad. That's it. I want her aware of other relatives and family members even if she never sees them or create a relationship with them. At least she knows. 

So before you knock having a half sibling. Be happy. That person maybe your life saver one day or that support you needed. 

I'd take a half sibling any day. 


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