Friday, December 2, 2016

Cold Kisses & Warm Blessings

Hey kids!

Since I'm still up thought I jot down a few thoughts for you lol

I do want to say Happy December!! I hope this is a great month for you guys & dolls. And make it count! This is the end of 2016! So you definitely want to start 2017 off with not only a bang but on a good note.

Well as you may or may not know. Me and my boyfriend been fighting off and on. And it's more than just the trivial coupling. We just don't mesh anymore like we used to.

Anyway the other night I get off work and as I was going home I noticed I need gas for my car. But the little money I had I needed for my bus fare to work. As I drove I thought how nice it would be to have a boyfriend I could ask hey can I borrow $10 for gas?? I'll pay you back. But the lord said unto me:

Girl you know damn well that motherfucker ain't going to give you any money. Remember when you needed money to park and he told you that you shouldn't have brought food to save money?? Yeah. He ain't gonna do shit. But don't worry baby girl. You know I got you ma

So I went home and as I sulked about. I went to get the mail and notice one of the letters I got was a check! It was only $15 but honestly I was so happy and appreciative! I went and cashed it. Brought some dinner and put gas in my car. Plus that night the server gave me free fries with my food too! I was so happy!

So happy to the point I decided I would break up with my boyfriend!

I love him and care about him a lot. And things weren't always rough. We were always fighting and at each other's necks. Things were great. But after this whole pregnancy ordeal and him acting like a complete ass. I can't deal anymore. He doesn't want to help me or be supportive or even check to see if I'm ok or not. But expects me to do all that for him and then some. I refuse to do that anymore.

So he texted me that night asking how my day went. I told him it was great. Then I asked if I could see him at some point when he got the time. He asked if it was something bad. Honestly I just wanted to talk about the break up. In person. So I asked what he meant by that. And he says:

"You might got a new friend and you trying to call it quits with me"

I told him for the millionth time that I didn't have another boyfriend. But I did want to break up. Which he didn't take too lightly and was upset. Basically tried to blame it all on me. But at the moment I didn't care. I'm tired. I don't want to fight and argue and wonder what importance I am in your life. Then on top of that to compete for love and affection. I expressed how I felt to him for the millionth time. The next morning he texted me and hoped that I would reconsider the break up. I did tell him I WOULD tough it out until the end of the month it come January we're thru.

I talked to him the other night and he was talking about us having dinner last night. But got mad when I wouldn't tell him how much I love him. Didn't hear from him or see him. Oh well.

I don't want to have to give him the cold shoulder and end something that could've had some potential in the silver linings. But I can't take the mistreatment any longer. I also don't want to raise a kid in that kind of environment. I don't want my daughter thinking men are suppose yell and tell her she's a horrible person and be unsupportive of her dreams and successes. I don't want my son thinking that's how you be a man: disrespect women, call her out your name, use her for money, sex and mere entertainment. No. I don't want my kid growing up and thinking that's how it's suppose to be. I want to raise a good person. Someone who will grow up in the world and make someone else's son/daughter not only proud but happy.

So we shall see how the rest of the month plays out. I won't take this as a negative thing. It was a lesson that brought blessings.

And I would do it all over again too.

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