Tuesday, July 12, 2016

Welcome To StepMommyhood

So because life will always have a plot twist things will always change or never be what they seem. 

With that being said. I decided to take time out to get this off my mind. 

So I know I've said it time and time again that I would never date a man with kids ever again. I would say that line until I'm blue & purple in the face. Why? Because I "dated" or (what is known in my generation as) hooked up with men before who were dads. Now they weren't father of the year. Some were decent fathers, some were down right horrible. Others just wanted to have their dessert buffet (variety of women) with no commitments to anyone really. I've even been put in the position where I too was forced to ride the coat tail or apron strings of the Baby Mama because he demanded that from me because I wanted to be in a relationship with him. So that meant whatever the baby mama said—went. No questions asked. And I better not oppose this position. So not only was I coming in second to a woman who hated my very existence. But I was back burner to possibly another baby mama and the children involved. So that second or third place was now down to a strong 13th place. I personally didn't like it. And realized the more time I invested with men who had kids the less contented I was with the situation. 

Now I remember when my parents would talk about life and whatnots. My dad always said he would never date or marry a woman who had a kid or kids. He never liked ready made families. My mom on the other hand was ok with it. She said you can't blame the kids on your relationship with that parent. Especially if you care about that person a lot. When I was teen I got her point of view. And agreed. But then I grew up and dealt with it. And then understood where my dad was coming from. I decided around 22 or 23 I would never date a man with kids. Kids were a deal breaker and always would be. Whether it was mutual or he had full custody. It didn't matter I didn't want to have to compete for a man's attention amongst people who win his affection by default. I don't like rigged races or relationships. 

But then a plot twist happened. I met my boyfriend. We met unexpectedly. We became friends first. Talking here and there and did different hangouts. We just were buddies. I was contented with that. Especially after a realization that my ex was wasting my time and love for no reason. I didn't want to jump into something because my emotions were hurting and aching to be relieved and built back up. 

Now the more time I spent with him. I eventually figured out he had kids. It took him awhile to tell me he had kids. 3 kids; 2 boys and a girl. But he had that daddy material about him. Which I'll admit that I find attractive. Just something about a guy being fatherly and doing it because he wants to not because he's forced or wants something to brag about or have a good reputation. When we finally went on our first date which was nice at my favorite place. Around that time is when I started liking him a lot! Before I knew it k found myself falling in love with him. 

Now it wasn't planned. Honestly, you couldn't have told that 25year old me that I would be dating a single dad by time I'm 30. That would be unfeasible to me. I would call you a nut job and bid thee good day. However plot twists happen! Here I am a year later still toughing it out with him. 

Now I haven't met the kids. And before you spazz on me and say I should've met them months ago. Hear me out. I know from my childhood experiences that change sucks. It makes no sense. Sometimes adult situations make no sense. My parents celebrating their anniversary was a pain to me. But so important to them. It never made sense until I got older unfortunately and neither of them are here. So for me to be forced on the kids abruptly and for them to expected to love and accept me is wrong. Me and their dad want our relationship to work. We want it to be long term and serious. We want to get married. We want to raise and have a family together. But, first we have to make sure we can withstand the challenges of a relationship. We just had a first major fight that would've caused us to break up. Now if I met the kids months ago and we for attached to each their and then abruptly I'm no longer in the picture that's more of a strain on them than me. Kids are sensitive and change is a BIGGER deal to them than it is to an adult. For most of us we don't like change and we need time to adjust. Sometimes it works out for the better sometimes it doesn't. Sometimes it requires more adjustments to offset the fuck up that happened. 

Now within this. I myself is adjusting to change. I'm treading in uncharted waters. I've never made it this far in a relationship, let alone with someone that I truly do care about and love with all my heart. So I'm adjusting being a girlfriend myself. With pressures of that, being a stepmom so quickly and abruptly would be too stressful on me. I'm aware of them as I'm sure they're aware of me. But we still need time to adjust. Eventually yes I'll meet the kids. I have faith it'll all work out. Nothing in life is perfect. There's always going to be trials and tribulations. But first we have to make sure our relationship is solid and made to last. Before we include the kids. 

Like lately people have told me I need to reconsider my options. I can do so much better than a single dad with THREE KIDS!! He's no good for me and all this nonsense. But I realized something this one jag off of a dad told me a few years back. He said I wasn't getting any younger and I had to learn to accept that men come with kids. I told him I did accept it, but it meant I didn't have to participate if I didn't want to. I'm like on the edge of my 20s. Like my age right now is a season cliffhanger lol. Me finding a 30 year old man with no kids, a job and a personality that I can tolerate who isn't a complete asshole is like you getting a $500 bonus in your check every month. Yeah if it happens it's going to come with terms and conditions. 

I'll be straight with you guys. I have never come across a man like him. He buys me groceries, cooks me dinner and even will clean up and mow the lawn. He'll even make sure I have gas in my car to get to and from work. He's so good to me. I never had any guy treat me as good as he does. I can be myself around him and feel comfortable. I don't have to be someone I'm not or go above and beyond to impress him. I enjoy our date nights at home where we laugh, watch movies, eat good food and enjoy each other's company. In the whole time we've been together we've only had sex once. So it's not about sex or what he can get from me or what I can get from him. First and foremost he's my best friend and always will be. I'm glad he is. Unfortunately with our first time there's a possibility that I may be pregnant. So that's another thing we got to deal with too. 

Now I'm not going to sugar coat it and say that all single dads are like him or that a man will be a childless single woman like me. But I will say change happens. Plot twists even happen. I felt I would met a guy that was compatible with my lifestyle and it would just work. But honestly it would never work. Because that wasn't compatible with what I needed or wanted or what was best for my heart and wellbeing. With that crazy plot twist. I found a good thing. I believe he's the best thing that's ever happen to me. And I can't wait to see what else happens. He adds excitement to my life that I'll say that I don't want to share. I'm real selfish with my love for him. I also get jealous about him too lol. So I find myself doing a lot of things that I never would've considered. And he also brings out the better side of me too and I appreciate that. 

So no he isn't perfect. Yes he has kids. Yes there's a baby mama. But it can work if you have faith and believe that it can. Will it be easy?? Hell no. But that's life. If it's easy, it's worth isn't very valuable now is it?? 

Now of course I'll keep you guys updated on life dating a single dad, and life into StepMommyhood and if it turns out I'm pregnant too, my road to mommyhood too! I'm sure I'll be seeing TONS of plot twists too. 


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