Friday, May 23, 2014

The American Life

You want to know what American life is like??

They tell us how beautiful and wonderful life is. That everyday is a good day and we collect people and memories that last a life time and will always comfort our hearts, make us happy and engulf us in this protective bubble of security and blissfulness. The way to get this Happy Life is to go into this room and view this hypothetical door. Everything we've ever dreamed of or wanted is outside this "door" and all we have to do is open it and go to it. It's just that simple. No bullshit, no problems--just turn the knob, open the door and skip your silly ass into a paradisaical dreamland.

However, once you finally get into this room, to get to your door. And it's the only door in this dark room. And at some point you will question how the fuck you got into this room in the first place.But you find out that someone's blocking the door, on the other side of the door is another person holding or blocking it shut. It has 8999 locks on the side you can see, one lock on the other side. The guy in front of you has the key to open the one solitary lock on otherside, while the person on the otherside has the 8999 keys you need to get the door open from the side you can see. Now you're standing there trying to recall in all of these fantastical stories you heard about how great and awesome Life is, if there were keys or road blocks and bullshit involved. You wonder if you didn't hear something correctly or even if you heard what you wanted to hear (all the good stuff) and blocked out the bad. I'm hear to tell you, you heard right and it wasn't that you missed all the bad things--they were never disclosed in the first place. But they expect you to known that the door was lock even though they're telling you all you got to do is open it and that's it.

To top it all off you have someone bitching at you about how you're not applying yourself or trying to open the door. Or how you have to persuade or kiss the people's (who's blocking the door) asses to get in and in the end it doesn't really matter they're going to say NO anyway because they can. Yet they continue to bitch, you get people who say they know how you feel when they really don't, or others telling you how you should feel. Or how you're being overly dramatic or a Debbie/Davey Downer because you're sooo fucking negative. Well shit bitch, You can say that because you're on the other side and you only like 5 locks and two dumbass blocking your door so doing whatever got them to move. I'm not in the same predicament or situation. But that's what american life is like. Some are harsher than others, and it seems the people who are complete lazy assholes get whatever they want I guess because they're cute or some crazy shit like that. I dunno.

But what disturbs me the most is the fact, that I feel in my heart....this I know--that when I finally get that door open, I'll just be in another room similiar to that of an unused attic in someone's house. Another empty room. The door will slam shut and I'll be back where I started again. But I'm so disgusted with life, and people making excuses and telling me bullshit to make me feel better when it really doesn't, is not something I want to endure another 25 to 50 years. I rather be dead, I'm better off dead, and I won't be losing anything if I did die. I'm beyond frustrated, I'm sick and I'm tired. I'm especially tired of trying to make this work and find a steady job especially since the employers know I need it, otherwise I wouldn't be looking for it. I'm not looking for the family life or party girl life. I just want to go to work, make well over enough to pay my bills and expenses and that's it. Maybe some occasional traveling or something but that's all I want. But apparently I'm asking for way too much....So in the meantime I'll patiently wait until death calls my name.


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