Wednesday, December 12, 2012


Ok like usual I had just woken up from a nap and I'm browsing Facebook, sharing and liking awesome photos. I come across this one stating that you need to love again basically. Ok yeah, that doesn't work. Just because it transitioned smoothly for you doesn't mean that goes for everybody you know?? Then the next one said how one shouldn't let the "cheap thrills of attraction" deter them from their ever so perfectly imperfect relationship. Like what?? So someone being led on without knowing that the person they're head over heels for is married or spoken for is wrong on the other person?? They should disclose that information and if they don't want to, they shouldn't've gotten married or hooked up in the first place. Which brings us to our Title. The following thing I see is saying that if you know someone is taken respect their relationship and don't be the reason they end up single (I'll post these pictures in a bit).

Oh my god what?! What the actual fuck did I just read??

I got pissed off instantly and I had to let Facebook know. Fuck all people in a relationship, these people nowadays act like the ones in relationships are holy and sanctified. That its the "single" people's fault that mess up everything. They had the nerve to talk about it on the TV the same day and a man said it'll always be the woman's fault for breaking up a relationship. Read an article a few days ago saying that its the woman's fault and how she comes on to the man and all this bullshit.

I'll put it like this, because I'm tired of people saying all women are home wreckers and always will be. From personal experience I can honestly say that being the side girl or the mistress or bitch if you will—at first it's fun. Because the relationship was already on the rocks he has nothing else but to give you full attention that makes it worth while. You misunderstand and assume it'll always be like that. But it's not. There are some cases where you have to know your place and act like nothing's going on. There are even some situations where you know the significant other personally and if chose to do so (cheat I mean...) then that's strictly your discretion. There are even some cases where the man will blame it all on you to save face among his friends, family and wife/girlfriend and let you make a fool out of yourself and let his woman disrespect you in every way possible. That's how those "she's a crazy bitch" stories get started.

But never once is the two people in a relationship held responsible. They're apparently incompatible to the point one doesn't trust the other and the other is forced to cheat after finding out they're not getting all they expected. Yet one of them, or both of them, involve other people and to save relationship tradition and reputation they blame it on the people they involved. Then act like nothing wrong happened and that those people have to now move on with a broken heart and the jadedness that follows afterward.

Like him. I fall in love with this guy. Not to mention he had a many of opportunities to tell me he was married. Even when he took time out to tell me that he has kids. At the time he wasn't claiming the third one and never even mentioned marriage. Even when he asked me out or came on to me or even made something out of nothing like he wasn't suppose to. He never even wore a wedding ring. Didn't even have the imprint most married men have. So this isn't something new. Then it jumps out there one day when I decide to google (finding out that he was a professional ball player) and found his wife instead and found out she knows a few people I do and is even friends with my cousin! Well by this time it was too late. I was already in love with him. When he admits to being married he did so "jokingly" and the very next day he wore his wedding ring. Haven't seen him wear it since that day, probably a year or so ago. Yet he throws flirtative nonsense my way and sweet nothings in both my ears. He was bold enough to do so in front of my mother. Who not only found it amusing and cute, but thought nothing of my feelings either. Yet when I finally decide to act on it. I'm in wrong. I need to stop and I need to leave it alone. It's my fault. I distinctively remember (on September 18, 2009) he approached me. But then I got ignored and treated like shit and I will never forget that day I was looking semi cute saw him and he definitely saw me in my electric blue pants and matching shirt—I wave to the bastard and he turned his head. That hurt like hell!! But there was more to where that came from and as time went on, my heart was aching. He made me fall in love with him even put forth much effort to do so and then refused to catch me. To me that was like saying well it just an infatuation get over yourself. Not only did that hurt my heart I had spend time thinking about someone and loving someone and wasting 3 good years—the whole while finding out that he never really have a damn about me in the first place. What hurt the most is that I even tried again because I loved him that much, I still got ignored that much more and made to feel that my very existence wasn't allowed to walk on the same earth as his did. Not to mention the mail shoved in my face and changing of the subjects and oh sorry about that I didn't see you standing on the porch and I chose to stick it in the mailbox anyway crap. But yet it was all my fault.

I refuse to accept that. I honestly didn't know he was married, I could tell he would've made a wonderful husband strictly based on his personality and behavior however he never outright told me to my face he was. If he had then I will honestly say I definitely wouldn't have gotten so emotionally involved. I mean that from the bottom of my heart, even though I might be attracted to a married man every now and then, and hate married/taken people does not mean that I don't honor and respect it. That came from learning on my own that doing so before was not only unhealthy but I also didn't want someone I loved doing that to me. But because he failed to do so regardless of his relationship with his wife, I ended up heartbroken looking for anything—literally—to fill the void. Thus the whole love triangle trifecta and pregnancy thing jumped off.

So that whole experience—his actions, the flirting and sexual innuendos was not brought on by me. I'll be honest at first I didn't like him at all and that didn't change all on my own either.

When you put forth an effort to make someone else fall for you, you can't do it for a joke or because things aren't right at home. Or because you've grown tired of her. I'll even say after awhile being on the side isn't healthy nor as fun as they claim. Because someday you'll want more than to be just a secret or a closet skeleton. If that person refuses to do so in the beginning, then they have no intention on ever doing it.

Which makes me think of this guy I went to high school with. We never talked much then mostly because I was shy and he seemed tall and scary. Yeah I was pretty short you know. He found me on Facebook randomly one day but because I hated every waking hour at school I spent it like it was the jail and home was my work release. I'll be honest the name rang a bell but I had no clue who he was until one day I looked at his photos and was shocked to see—one he was married and two he never struck me as the romantic type. What disturbed me the most was that he remembered my name and even knows my favorite color is blue. He would talk to me off and on until one day I posted something sexually interesting that admired my bisexuality tastefully—

Then he wanted to talk to me non stop—can we say red flag much?? Then he's bitching and moaning about his wife and even makes mention how much he liked me and had a thing for me. I can't take this seriously because feelings just don't pop the hell up, you either had them or you didn't. So the conversation started as a catching-up and quickly escalated to sex, sex, nothing but sex. I wasn't interested and said so. Yet he refused to take no for an answer. Why would I be?? I'm not gaining the positive benefits your wife has. So no I'm not going to be your personal fuck toy neither. I refuse to be second or last, I don't care what the situation is or how this or that. Then it was off and on and he wouldn't talk to me and then come back and for a moment I'll admit and say I found myself getting attached. I enjoyed the little attention but I knew I couldn't and I refuse to let that become more than it needed to be—a lousy friendship. He even had the nerve to say Him was wrong not telling me he was married and how I could I fall for someone like that and he's wrong for this and wrong for that reason—when they both have the same underlying want—a quick fuck no strings attached and hopefully a re-occurrence every now and then when they want. What I didn't like most was that he always wanted to talk about the wife and say how great she was and how much she's this and that and it's like what makes you think I want to hear that?? What makes you think that's good conversation for us to talk about??? He would get mad when I would make nasty comments about his life, wife and whole 9 yards. But what you expect me to do? Then his assumption of me is another thing that pissed me off. It lets me further know you really don't know me but your ready to accept any assumption of me without asking or wanting to be corrected.

Now recently the last I heard from him was telling me he saw someone we went to school with. But if he were to contact me, I wouldn't even respond back to him. Why?? He said he feels that all the time he put into me that I need to compensate him in some way or form. Since I refuse to have sex with him or perform any sexual favors, then we should "make out" and see where that takes us. No. Then he tried to convince me that he never kissed a girl with a tongue ring and how he wants to experience that. So I told him go get his wife's tongue pierced. Then this how the conversation went and I'll put what I said in parenthesis:

Stop suggesting i get the wife this or that, obviously i want it from you duh!!! How can you say no???? Just making out lol...what will you say yes to that's physical?(Handshakes, high fives, appropriate hugs etc, etc. so what you marry her for then if that's the case?)
Married for love, not to build my personal Barbie lol.....i think I deserve more lol(Well that was stupid)
So you wanna be in a relationship where the man/woman wants to change just bout everything bout you?

We're gonna stop right there. I'm sorry did you just tell me you want me but love your wife because she's so perfect and all I'm good for is a good sex romp in the sheets?? So all I'm good for is to be your customizable Barbie that you get to play and sneak around with but she gets the benefits of being the Daylight Queen?? I'll be damned. That happened a good 20+ days ago and it's still got me madder than hell. Then he's going to make justification for her. If you want a freak you need to have that established before you got married, there is nothing wrong is saying what you want a person to be and they still be what you need too. Now here's what I said to that last comment:

No if they can't accept what I am now then they had no business falling for me in the first place. Besides I already had a guy like who felt I was suppose to dress up and look like arm candy everyday he was also the jealous controlling type too. Glad I got rid of him when I did too

Don't assume you know all about me and know nothing and refuse to ask. But unlike other people if that person can't accept my piercings, tattoos and that I smoke occasionally and cuss like a sailor then no I'm not going to give it my all and make them fall in love with me. If they happen to do so, I'll let them know its not going to work. I don't make modifications for anybody but me!

Now when I started writing this post a few days ago, like I said I hadn't heard from him in 20+ days or so. Well he popped up yesterday in the midst of my going to through the Renewal Process. I didn't respond to him at first because one he was fucking with me and I wasn't in the mood due to having to go to the welfare office. Then I did, and told him so—he told me I shouldn't be hating on the baby mamas, and get like them if I hate it so much. He's the same person that told me I am the worst human being in the world because I wanted to get pregnant and get on welfare, he talked bad to me that day. Then had the nerve to suggest I go find a donor and give him the goods, I said no because that was code for I might be interested for the sex or better yet if intercourse is involved then then any guy would be down (that last part is exactly what he said). I said I'm not interested and the conversation quickly fizzled down like it usually does and I guess I won't hear from him until next year—literally.

That'll forever be something I will never understand. These people boast and ridicule you about how your single and hopeless in all things pointing to love and they can't even find someone who can be both their dirty sex toy friend by moonlight and endless lover by daylight. The they whine and complain and want to bring the bull your way and then expect to be compensated in some way or form. Like no fuck that. Not our fault you fell in LIKE with the first crazy you saw and now you mad because you're in a relationship you're not adult enough to get out of.
That's worst than these women getting pregnant on purpose to keep a man who had no qualms about staying in the first place and then decides she don't want to take care of the baby but is gung-ho to have another one.

You people in relationships really need to stop acting like that. Not only are you making yourself look bad, the younger generations that admire and look up to you, are getting a false sense of security and damaged feelings on love so early on in life that it damn sure is not fair to them let alone an adult. You're the reason your relationship is fucked up or not working and don't blame it on no one else but yourselves and stop getting other people involved. You fuck up the world and make more jaded people than it ought to have.

Yes so we know, I do take offense to things like that and I don't like someone saying something is my fault when it's not. Acting like you all never do anything wrong and too coward to take responsibility for it.

Makes me sick and pisses me off.


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