Wednesday, August 15, 2012

You Da One

Now today was filled with a bunch of things. Mostly out of bitterness, being spiteful and unhappy. Then I guess a little Motherly Wisdom from Madea opened my eyes and got me thinking in another direction.

I was so caught up in my feelings and how I felt and my complaints with this and that. I didn't take time out to see the situation from both sides and learn to compromise.

I love him. Love him very much. I also know I can't have him. Nor can I say or think that I'll ever get the chance to be with him—at least not in this lifetime. But he makes me happy and he's all I every wanted. I was being a selfish spoiled little brat, wanting it my way or no way at all. The whole while not thinking how he possibly felt.

For the longest I was unhappy because he stopped talking to me. Wouldn't say anything and would even go as far as ignoring me. It hurt. It hurt like hell. I knew what I wanted. I also knew going after it wouldn't be as Happily Ever After as they say or make you think. He meant the world to me. Just makes no sense why we couldn't have met years before. Then one day he talked to me. I was contented. I wanted him to always talk to me and flash that mega-watt smile.

These past couple days have felt very reminiscent. Makes me wonder is this how people go from breaking up to making up. I was happy. Well today, it's his birthday. I thought if I posted all those things that I somehow ruined his birthday. Not that he would care or would see. It wouldn't matter. I regret and feel bad for doing it, now. For being mean and spiteful. I was waiting for him today, just to wish him a happy birthday. It was important to me this time around. I noticed him on the street parallel with ours and I sat here waiting patiently while I dozed off and did different things to keep me busy and entertained. Even though I was waiting for a package to come. I wanted to see him and talk to him instead. When he finally came, just love his walk. He walks that walk. He even told me he liked my nails. Talked about work like he used to. It felt like old times and I was beyond overjoyed. Then the best part when I told him Happy Birthday. That smile just blew me away. Made me happy he was happy. Even now still can't stop smiling lol. He said he couldn't believe that I remembered. I told him yup I did. Least he went away smiling. But if he was with me, he'd get more than just a happy birthday lol ;D hahaha.

But in all seriousness I was so happy that I made him happy even if it was just for a short small moment. It may not mean a lot to him. It meant the world to me. I'm happy how it turned out. I may not find another guy similar or just like him. May not even find another person in this world I love as much as I love him. Or experience something as great as this love. I'm ok with. I wouldn't want it any other way. I want him and no one else. May not be able to have him like I want, but just have him is good enough. To other I maybe throwing my life away, may even be wasting my time. No matter what—he'll always have my heart.

I'm very happy today. I hope I get more days like this too.

You the one that I dream about all dayYou the one that I think about alwaysYou Are The One So I Make Sure I Behave!My love is your love, your love is my love 
You the one that I dream about all dayYou the one that I think about alwaysYou Are The One So I Make Sure I Behave!My love is your love, your love is mine


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