Wednesday, July 18, 2012

Save A Little Room

There are times like these, right now, where I feel sort of lonely. When my mom's gotten too tired to talk to me and everyone I know on a personal level are in bed. Others are spending their evenings and nights with their lovers, spouses and families. Then there's me. Up, bored and lonely. I like the people I get to talk to for a little bit whether it's by text or strictly through a social network. I'm happy, but I know eventually they'll have something else to do or will be going to bed soon. I've watched the shows and movies I love, played the games that excite me and preoccupied myself as much as I could. But after awhile it gets boring. I get even lonelier.

I would like to be with someone I can talk to until the next morning. Watch a movie or two, something funny, cute or action packed, I don't care. Or even someone I can cuddle with and listen to the rhythmic sounds of their heartbeat and eventually fall asleep just like that.

But then I realize that I'm kidding myself. It just how fate goes, you know?? There are times where I'm lonely and want to be around someone, anyone. However since I have so many flaky, wishy washy people in my life...I have to cope with the loneliness and hope that I can find something to preoccupy and fill the void momentarily until something else happens to distract me. I'm an only child and it's not the first time I've felt this way and I doubt it'll ever be the last. I guess over the years I was able to suppress it as much as I could and never really let it bother me. But tonight, I really couldn't. It reminded me of a sad time in my childhood when my parents were to busy to spend time with me. I resent people who feel I'm such a burden or not worthy enough of spending a little bit of time with. I guess it's a downfall of getting close to people, for me. But at least I'm prepared for when the worse eventually happens (sooner or later). And usually for me, it does.

I suppose tonight I'll be going to bed earlier than usual, just to try to forget this awkward feeling. day I won't have to fret about being lonely, beg someone to spend time with me, or hope that at some point I'll get to see their face. But that's also wishful thinking—definitely not a guarantee. It's truly sad to have a fate where you're destined to always be alone. It can't be changed and only small fixes stay for a little while. Maybe next lifetime I'll get a second chance at this...

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