Sunday, July 29, 2012

I'm Still In Love With You

You know it's disgusting when you've met someone. You know they're the one indefinitely. No one can compare to that individual in any way or form. The fact that they're taken or interested in someone else or sees you just as friend. It's fucked up. I mean that.

Like what the hell. The worst part about the whole thing is the fact of how much you truly love them. Like really, really love them. You'd lay your life on the line for them. Regardless of the rift between the both of you and knowing you can never really actually be together like one (or both) of you hope. I personally think it hurts even more when you can't get over that person. You still in love with them. There's nothing you can do about it. It's like once you make up your mind, if its not work or seems problematic you can always come to a happy medium or a new solution. But once your heart's mind is made up its damn near impossible to change.

To be honest. I'm tired of this. I'm tired of being in love with someone who doesn't and probably won't love me back. I can't even move on to someone else or even consider trying. I want him and only him. No other individual compares to him nor will ever be him. What's really messed up even if I did try and found someone else, I know in my heart I won't be happy. No matter the situation, I just know I wouldn't. I don't think that's fair not is it right to do. Taking advantage of someone's feelings is one thing. But what I don't understand is why you hold so much resentment towards me. What exactly did I do or say for you act so pissed off?? He acts like I never existed, like he should've never met me. That what hurts the most, you acting like I don't exist and being horridly mean to me. Makes me want to cry—literally.

I dunno what else to do. Don't know what to really say. I wish now, that we hadn't met and I didn't fall in love with him. I also wish that maybe this aching feeling that shrouds my heart will go away.

I guess at some point in my life I will, and then again I've said this before and it didn't hold true. Hopefully I hope I can get myself together and wish that someone will come along and fill the deep void he's put into my heart.

I love you. You don't know how to love me. I don't know, I know why....I love you, baby.


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