Friday, July 13, 2012

The Friend Zone

Since I'm sitting here with a few moments to spare. I thought I'd write about something that's been just annoying me lately.

I think people are making a mountain out of a mile hill with this being friend zoned nonsense.

And what exactly do you know about the subject hand, you say??

As a recipient of being a friend zonee and a friend zoner, I think I know a little bit on the subject.

Everyone makes being friend zoned the most horriblest thing in the whole wide world. Trust me it could be worse. I can honestly say it was called the let's just be friends speech when I was a youngster lol. Or the dreaded friends only situation. And how if you cross the line your chances would drop down next to none. Sad but true.

Nowadays, if you say to someone whether it be a male or female (mostly males) they automatically assumed they're friend zoned. Look I'm all for confidence, but you need to understand you're not going to be attractive to every girl or woman you see, speak to or meet by chance. It doesn't work that way Casanova. I do also understand if you've ended up developing some type of feelings for that person it's hard to be hit with the take 10 steps back, we're only gonna be Super Mega Friends Card and then deal with the rejection and the failure head on in one big blow.

However, did it ever dawn on you why they could've possibly friend zoned you to begin with?? Don't look at it like I'm really nice or I'd be great for them per-say. Think about it this way: you wouldn't buy a new electronic without knowing all the specifications, gadgets that come with it, batter life, if you need wifi or a cellular network, if the screen is 7inches or not, even if the price is right. You go through the whole process until you come to a happy mediumyou're either going to buy it or you're not. Mostly you decision is based on the "what's in it for me" specs and other stuff that comes along with it. Like you would buy a used iPad for $1440 when you can get it brand new for $1000 less?

Same applies when we are evaluating people to be a potential mate. We look at what they have to offer and consider how in any way or form is it going to benefit you (or me) in the long run. You ever watch a movie and the girl or guy is daydreaming about a future with the person they just met??? Yup believe it or not you do it too. We all do.

Now because of the evaluation process it doesn't mean we are friend zoning people just because. Mostly in that case you're being rejected and told bluntly I'm not interested. And to be friend zoned in the first place, you have to be A FRIEND. Don't get mad when you walk up to someone and throw out your A-game and get rejected right on the spot. You were not friend zone because you weren't friends to begin with. You were rejected, get the process straight and correct.

What sucks the most is the fact you think and know you're the best thing for the person. And in some cases yes that is true. In others it's just as bad as living with your BFF—it just ain't gonna work. Regardless matter how hard you try. Unfortunately, to that person, you're lacking something somewhere and they've noticed and just can't get pass that to make it work. It may sound petty and down right silly but it's true. Everyone has beliefs and pet peeves.

Ok heres an example:

I remember back in my teenaged days there was this deaf kid who really liked me. He was nice and we became friends. He had a great personality and was always sweet to. Well one day he asked me to be his girlfriend. I didn't want to outright say no because I wouldn't want someone doing that to me. Rejection is hard enough but a broken heart and feelings added on top?? Talk about a bad ass ice cream cone of disaster!!

I tried everything possible to get him to UNLIKE me. Telling him I was gay and I was too busy with school activities. Then he decided to join those same activities. He would follow me home or attempt to walk me home. He did the exact oppose of what I was trying to undo. I liked him, just not in a romantic kind of way. It wasn't because of his handicap. It was mostly because he was a year or so younger than me. That was the main problem. Even then I felt it looked weird and bad when a girl was older than a boy. In a non cougar kind of way, that rocking the cradle creepy way always came to my mind. Besides you know how some women feel about their sons dating older women. You can ask Stella lol.

So after weeks and months to almost a year of this. I had to eventually muster up the courage and say no. It took a few more No's before he finally got it and said ok. He stopped talking to me for a little bit and then I guess resistance was futile and he began talking to me again. Our friendship was never the same. But I admire that he still wanted to talk to me and didn't hate me.

Now I'll give you another example lol:

Well much to my chagrin. I fell head over heals for this football jock. He was cute, sexy, sassy and just the bees knees lol. I remember bumping into him in the hallway as a 8th grader. Then I would see him from time to time in other classrooms or the library. Then one day he said hello. I felt like the girls in the movies. Heart beating a 100 miles a minute, with that epic wind scene and petals floating in front of me lol. Just reliving the whole "Hello" montage. Well I guess you could say I turned into a little stalker, since I had to go to the games because I was in the band I relished the thought of seeing him play. Because of him, the number 4 became a favorite for me, only because it was his number. Found out his name, age and all those other essentials. I would daydream dirty thoughts about him and giggle hysterically afterwards. I even enjoyed the pep rallies we would have. Well only because the football players took their clothes off—literally!! Call me a band geek all you want, I loved every minute of it. Then one day he finally talked to me, it was short but I was happy. When I finally got into high school and he became the football captain, I was happily overjoyed. That meant I could see him everyday prior to the football games. Well one of my friends said I should tell him how I felt and how guys liked stuff like that. But being meek and weak like I was I probably would've pissed myself if I said anything to him lol. So she did it for me and told him how I felt. Not only was it embarrassing for it to be done during a break in the schedules but the hallway was full of people, probably the whole school that day. Unfortunately he turned me down and said Let's Just Be Friends with that dazzling smile of his. Even though I was teased after it happened. I was silly enough to believe that we could be friends and then maybe something more. It wasn't about being popular so much, but just to be happy you know??

Well from time to time he would talk to me. Then of course I had friends who were jealous and full of green envy so they would tell me crazy things. Then one day this older girl appeared, I remembered having gym with her, but didn't know her very well let alone persoally. She was sort of pretty with long beautiful hair and skin the color of dark coffee. She said she wanted to talk to me and me being a 14 year old 9th grader, it was scary and yet my curiosity was peeked. She bluntly told me in a nice way that the football captain belonged to her. He was her boyfriend and they were going to have a baby together and how I needed to back off. She ended her soap box rant with a:

Why would he be interested in 9th grader let alone someone like you??

My feelings were hurt and I was confused. They all knew how severely naïve I was. A simple twist of any words would make me wonder and think and make-believe something that wasn't there. If it that were to happened I probably would've said well I don't see a ring on your finger so therefore he's up for grabs. But back then, I couldn't save myself let alone speak up when I needed too. I was worse than Fluttershy.

I had the time to talk to him one day and ask him if she was in fact his girlfriend. He said no. He said he wasn't with anyone because he had just gotten out of a bad relationship. Which to this day, I don't believe. So I said ok. We would talk but the so called friendship wasn't going in the direction I had hoped it would go. So then prom rolled around and it was said he was going to prom with this girl. Someone decided to play a joke and put my name on the list of who was going with who to prom. I'm glad that stopped that list when my turn rolled around XD. And at first I was happy and then I wondered well why didn't he tell or ask me?? But my sick fickled little mind didn't care, I was going to prom with my one true love!! Then I noticed the list one morning, days before the prom, that my name got whited out and replaced with a name similar to mine. Not a LéSans but a LaShawn. It can be easily confused. And I have been called LaShawn before. Well wait a minute—LaShawn wasn't that other girl who approached me. So who was she then?? No answers, no conversation—no nothing's. I went to the prom line up and saw him come out with her. She was pretty and I wondered was she prettier than me?? Or was it because she actually had a shape?? While I was shaped like a 2 by 4 plank?? What was it about her?? Well shortly after that he stopped talking to me. I would see his dad from time to time and always ask him how he was doing and to tell him I said hello while he was away at college. Then I had a freaky premonition of what life woulda been like with me and him: pregnant, alone and he's off to another babe—yea wasn't my cup of tea. I guess you could say I developed a strong dislike for him. Unfortunately he turned out to be a drug addict with many many problems XD. As for the girl he took to prom, well she had just had her 3 baby either her junior year or beginning of her senior year. So I guess he took her too because she was easy.....

Either way it hurts to be denied by the person you like or fell in love with. However don't get mad or want to get even. So I'm told friend zone guys tend to persuade the girl into sleeping with them and he knocks her up or impregnates her and leaves. Not the best solution, but I wouldn't recommend it. It's not that your incompatible or not worthy enough. There's just something you lack. Like most guys friend zone me because I refuse to give oral sex. Others have zoned me because I can't cook. Hell I've friend zoned all the rejects who think I'm going to give up free blow jobs, sex and etcetera! No, this is NOT that type of party esé. Other guys who were nice and possibly worth it, I've friend zoned them only because he was lacking something like self confidence, or too obsessed with something or had a belief(s) in things I did not. Another guy who was a really sweet to me and I liked him a lot felt that sex before marriage was a no no. I'm not saying I'm a slut. But I'm not going to marry you either. I would be so disappointed if the sex was lousy. Not to be able to be intimate with someone on a sexual level would be devastating to any person. Especially if you loved them.

It's not healthy to create a relationship strictly on friendship alone. You worry about crossing the line but have hopes of building a relationship worth while. However the pet peeves and beliefs and wants and needs can pose a serious problem. You may start to fight and argue, say things you really didn't mean, lose trust for each other and maybe possibly respect too. Then when it's all said and done. Not only have you've become Exes, but you lost what was probably a really good friendship.

Just because you're friend zoned doesn't mean the world is over. Consider it this way, no matter how much you hate being friends with that person, remember when they need someone or a shoulder to cry on, it's going to most likely be you. You make them feel safe and accept them for who they are. Don't hate them or judge them because of who they fell in love with it—that's highly uncontrollable and so inevitable and unpredictable you could never pin point who you fall in love with or how it would turn out. But they're going to need that friend to be there to love and support them. Not saying you have to take the new boyfriend's or girlfriend's shit, because I don't and won't and let my friends know. Just be there as long as you can and eventually you'll learn to let go and move on make a new friend. Plus, maybe that friend would've been lacking in some way or form and wouldn't be all you expected him/her to have been, too.

Remember the friend zone works both ways (GUYS). Men, boys and fellows don't say you've been friend zone and how hurt you are. Think about that one girl you friend zone. She hurt just like you did. So don't say it's just geared toward you guys. Don't say all women are doing so. Everybody has a reason why they do things. And those that don't, I'll tell you right now are complete idiots lol.

And just hope that you can catch it before it gets out of hand and turns into an unrequited love or your forced into being on the side or one of many lovers.


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