Friday, May 4, 2012


My mom told me last night that everybody needed somebody. For multiple reasons but for mostly to have someone to talk to. Because you want to talk and have a need to do so. And if you can't do that, she said that promotes someone into talking to themselves very early on in life.

To a point I agree with that. I thought about it this morning. Yea being lonely in single solitude can be depressing in its own way. An it's nice to have someone to talk to, share common interests with, get to know and learn from. So on and so forth. It can be entertaining and exciting in its own way.

But then I had to think. Like crap!! I'd totally be ok with talking to myself like some nut job. Why??? Because think about it this way, what if you do find someone you can get along with you know, but they refuse to talk to you. What the hell kind of ANYTHING is that??? You're with someone and they won't talk to you or refuse to have any type of conversation with you. Hell they won't even fight with you. That's just as lonely, boring and disgusting as hell.

In all honesty I think I would much rather talk to my damn self than to have someone with me who won't talk to me.

I found it a odd topic or just something to ponder. Because it made me wonder what do people do when they have no one to talk to?? When they're not used to be alone or by themselves. Are they lonelier than someone who's used to it?? Or can be it be unsettling and somewhat, if not all, depressing??

In one sense I felt sorta sad. I wondered if I would still be so comfortable to be alone, like I am now, but when I get older. Like when I'm a old chick in my 50s, 60s or 70s plus even you know?? Will I be ok with it?? Or will I find it unsettling and unhappiness will case a cloud over my heart.

It was deep, and I had sit there and wonder what life would be like for me in the future. There is what I want of course. But what if I don't get that?? What if I do end up like a crazy old cat lady for life. Lol. That would blow my mind. What the hell did I do in my life?? What did I accomplish?? What the hell was I living for really??? A simple conversation with thy Maker above won't answer those questions. I guess you could say its a self sought type of thing.

They say communication is the key to life. But with people not participating like they should. It can be difficult to talk to anyone. Whether you know them, related, platonic or intimate. If that person won't talk to you or if your relationship with them is awkward or uncomfortable. Conversation can be that much harder.

I don't know. I guess after being the only child and sucha loner for so long. I'm ok with being alone or by myself. And not having very many friends and people to talk to on a regular basis. I find it awkward to talk to people. I feel more comfortable if I don't have I see them eye-to-eye and make physical contact. Not saying its most healthiest way. But that's how I feel. I guess at some point in my life I figure out the answers to my questions. Or maybe I'll different questions and wonder about them. Whichever the case, it'll make sense one day—maybe.

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