Sunday, December 10, 2017

Friday, November 10, 2017

Indecisive

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Hi kids!!

I missed you guys so!! 

Every time I wanted to write something I either got distracted or just didn’t have the emotional gumption to do so. 

I’ll recap what happened since I lost my job  And let me tell you—it’s been a real doozy. But that’s for later. Technically I kind of want to talk about that and my other jobs. Not in full detail though. 



Last year this time I got a call to go work at the one place I worked so hard to get to. It was all I ever wanted. It was the place my dad worked at. It was everything I dreamed of. I quit two jobs for this opportunity. Even though the one person that would’ve been proud of me had passed on; I was proud of me. And I felt then it was the best decision I could have ever made for myself. 

But I found out I was wrong. So very, very wrong. What I once created in a dream of happiness and longing. Was actually the worst nightmare. I haven’t felt that dumbfounded since my ex told me he didn’t want our baby. Like it was a 360 I didn’t expect. I was flabbergasted. I was miserable, unhappy and so disappointed in myself. Even though I was so happy to leave that place. But I left there lost. 


When I left that job in March I felt I would find something else and move on. But it was hard to move. I had a time finding a job and during my 7months of unemployment I had several additional issues of my own negligence that weighed in and made it more difficult. I was frustrated, hurt and so emotionally torn. I wanted to go back to work. But what did I want to do? I love customer service but I hated how it all goes sometimes. I don’t want to be busting ass and I get a “Atta-Girl” or a “Good Job” and I’m still making that same $9 with accolades. I don’t want that. I want opportunities available. Just in case I change my mind and want to try something else or something new. And as I spent those last few weeks panicking and spazzing out. I finally got a new job that I felt out of place and hesitant over. But I took it as a risk so I could take care of myself.  


So now when I look back on my year. Last year I was so hopeful and excited and definitely got ahead of myself. Only to fall on my ass and find out it wasn’t what was best for me. 


But not once did I second guess myself. Because I tried. It didn’t work. It hurt and took me 7months to get over the fact of it. However I’m in this new job, met some wonderful people, learned some new things. And I’ve reflected on myself. 

There are times in life where you make or made a decision that was the right decision at the time. And sometimes you’ve had the best intentions possible. However it went south, caught you off guard and now your staggering around trying to figure what happened. But sometimes god or higher power gives you what you want so you realize what you need. You might want something really really bad. But you get it and it nothing like you thought because you needed to brought back to reality. While you were sitting there wanting and focusing on that goal. Doing everything in your might to get that in your hands. Higher power was not about to interrupt you. He never interrupts your hard justified work. He promotes you to strive and work harder and kick ass. However you get it and it’s nothing like you thought. Then you’re hurt, mad and upset—But remember it was all for a reason honey. Because how can He be so rude and interrupt your focused. Even if he did you would not have heard him. You would’ve been to focus to listen to the whisper tone. But now that everything’s fallen apart, you’re hurt, confused and asking god why me woe is me. Now he knows he has your undivided attention and can’t speak the ultimate wisdom into you. He can tell you now that wasn’t for you. He can tell you no you wouldn’t have heard me. No you wouldn’t have liked it if I interrupted your focus and shine. You would’ve been offended if he did. He tells you that. And yet he gives you another day, more hours and seconds to listen and follow the path that was created for you. Yes you’ve reared off it. We all have. However he finds a way to get you back on track. He shows you what’s important and what’s best for you. But he gives you the hope to try again, to be opened and to continue to find that greatness he already knows what’s inside of you. He doesn’t creat your happiness—you do. He just wants to marvel at the way you let it manifest and radiate from you. 

With that being said. Whether you’re religious or not. Never let a gal or stumble or whole ass fall apart in your life prevent you from finding your greatness. We all have them. But without that failure without that struggle—we wouldn’t be able to appreciate the end-result. 

Sunday, June 18, 2017

Happy Father's Day

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I just wanted to wish all the dads and moms out there a Happy Father's Day. Appreciate that man. You only get one!! 

 

Sunday, May 28, 2017

Turning 30

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Hi kids! 

I know it's been a while but I had to chat with you guys and dolls. Check to see how you all are doing. 


These last couple months been interesting. Lost my job, had to struggle, fight to get some help and st the end of it all realized how other people view my worth. 

So on May 20th I turned 30 years old. 3 DECADES!! Can you believe it?? I can't. Hell I still get carded for cigarettes and alcohol. But I'm happy I made it to this age. I plan on focusing more on me these next 10years and do what I want to do without any issues, distractions or setbacks (major ones). 

However I feel like I'm not where I should be as a 30 year old. I also realized I let a lot of people in my life who weren't good for me and never had my best interest. No matter how I viewed myself or loved and cared about myself—they made me accept the worth they felt I should be and receive. They're like a pawn shop. You take your tv that's in excellent condition that you spent $700 on and you only get $100 for it. It's depressing. No matter how much value it holds or how you know it's great. To someone else it's not. People treat other people like that. 

I consider myself a good woman. I treated my boyfriend (now ex) with respect, love and affection the whole nine. I made dinner, I took him to work, picked him up, let him borrow my car, even gave him money when he asked. Sex at his wants. He won't do the same for me. Not only did he cheat on me with someone I knew relatively well, he disown our child, hated I got pregnant, treated me like shit, said I cheated on him, was a whore and would be a horrible mother. In all that he hurt me, broke my heart. But this last two months he showed me the ugliest side of him. Not only was he happy I lost my job, but he wanted me to fall and felt I shouldn't get back up. Even told me to let my utilities get turned off and had no intention of helping FOR ANYTHING. Even then it wasn't the thing that broke me. It was when he said to me yesterday that our relationship was only in existence so I could suck his dick.


Yeah. He did. He said that's all I was good for. Even said I never cooked for him, or gave him money or did anything for him. But the only thing I could do for him was suck his dick. And our relationship is failing because I refuse to suck his dick when he wants. So because I refuse to do that we can't spend time together. 


THE FUCK KIND OF LOGIC IS THAT?? 

Our relationship is fucked up because I allowed him to be secretive with me and was in denial of his horrible behavior. Our relationship is fucked up because he cheated and acts like it's not that serious. It's fucked up because every time we need to talk things out he wants to blame me and say he's done no wrong. It's fucked up because I take him back thinking maybe this time it'll be different knowing damn well in my heart it's not. It's fucked up because he never planned on respecting me from the beginning. The only way we can fix it at this point is probably with counseling or him learning to accept he's done wrong. 

Like he literally thought it was ok to tell me he's coming over and never shows up. Then never call or text and say he's not coming. He felt that wasn't an issue. But I'm sitting at home telling my friends no to outings because I'm waiting for him to never show up. 

Now don't get me wrong. I love him to death. However I don't appreciate how he treats me. I love myself and some even consider me selfish. I bust ass for what mine and will stop at nothing to get it. I'm one of those Phenomenal women types. Yet he treats me like I'm a back alley prostitute who can't even get money for giving sex favors. How is that even possible?? Like that hurt me to my soul. I felt my soul crying out in pain. I felt sick to my stomach and wanted to cry my pain out. I wanted to scream and throw punches. I consider myself a motherfucking princess and he just told me I'm not and I'm whale shit, I'm nothing. And regardless of how I feel, I will never be treated as such by him. 


That was by far the most surreal experience I've ever had. And I was shocked and disgusted. 

It made me sit there and question the entire time I've known him. It made realize that men and even friends and people will still view me how they feel I should be viewed. No matter how much I protest and say how I want to be treated. They will never treat me with the respect I feel I deserve. Because they're going to treat me how they want, whether I like it, accept it or not. It's unfair. It hurts a lot. 


However since I just hit 30. I've decided to only keep the people who I care about and I know care about me as close as possible. Everyone else will be dealt with at a long distance. And focus only on me and what I need to accomplish to make my 30s the most entertaining and exciting. I want to travel, I want to experience new things, I want to meet new people, I want to work (maybe lol) a job that I can enjoy for maybe 10years or so. I want be able to learn how to be a Better woman now than when I was in my 20s. I'll be damned if anyone interrupts me. I don't have the time anymore. I'm ready to work on being the best LéSans I can be and this time I don't give a damn about how anyone else feels about that. 

Sunday, May 14, 2017

Happy Mama's Day!

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I just wanna wish all the good mamas and ladies and single daddies out there a very happy and special Mother's Day 

Hope everyone enjoyed their day 

 

Sunday, April 16, 2017

Monday, April 10, 2017

Squats & Eyeliner

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I Don't Care; Ex Factor

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I Don't Care; Ex Factor

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Struggling Adult

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Bitchcraft

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Mantrum

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Bitch

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When You No Longer Give A Fuck

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Wednesday, April 5, 2017

As The Carrot Turns

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So since I'm no longer working, I'm back to my Bunny Mobile Car Service and picking peoples up and driving them here, there even to and fro! Honestly I'm already tired of it. The traffic has been REDONKULOUS these last couple days like what the actual fuck?!


I dunno if I can take much more of this....


Monday, April 3, 2017

Keep Calm & Be Restless

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Hi kids! 

It's been awhile. I always seem to find my way back to you guys when I'm having an epidemic in my life. Honestly I need to stop that. I need to post the happy times too. 


Anyway a catch up right?? February I went down to North Carolina with my friend to her grandmother's burial. Honestly I enjoyed being in the country life. It was nice and I loved it. I even considered moving down there one day. The driving sucks because everything's spread out but I enjoyed the atmosphere, the weather and the people were friendly. 

Next, I still hated my job. But I'll get to that in a moment. Had a brief altercation with my roommate. He decided to start acting like an ass and felt the $150 was set for the entire year. Um no sir it's not. Two you're not going to tell me what I can and cannot do in my house. Thirdly you can't stay here for free and expect me to clean up after you. I'm not your wife or your mom. You got me on several levels of fucked up. So even after that he still chose to act the hell up. And feel it's necessary to question me what I'm doing and be the first one in my business. No—wrong again. You're not paying me enough to question me or have a front row seat in my business. Plus I was pissed when he spilled some bullshit in my oven and didn't clean it. And then made a mess on the stove and didn't clean it. Like I'm not at home for you to give me chores. Since payment is LATE once again. He's on verge of eviction. Because I cannot. I'm not going to be supporting two people and you acting the hell up. 

In the midst of this bullshit. I got fired from my job at the IRS about 2 weeks ago. Honestly I wasn't surprised. Actually my last day I was on the verge of crying and wishing that I could go home. And BAM! I get called into the principal's office and they let me know I'm going to be terminated or to save my record I could resign. Which I decided to do—resign like I wanted to do back in February. Unfortunately it's been really hard for me to find a new job. I feel like I've been blackballed. Everyone I've tried I get a step away from being hired and get an immediate no or no call back. It's been frustrating because I'm behind in bills, I applied for Unemployment and now I'm just waiting. I've been trying to get help and get attitude or nothing at all. I'm on the verge of possibly losing my house too. And I just can't deal with this extra stress. I'm trying my best to have faith but slowly I'm losing hope because I don't know what else to do besides selling my house, and trying to get an apartment. Or if push comes to shove moving to a new state all together. But still I try. 


Last but not least. My ex is working my nerves. Not only is he defying the break up. But he feels I don't have a choice and have to be with him. Because that's what he wants and I don't have a choice. I feel like he's not with me because he loves me or bring something to his life that he's never got before. No I'm treated like a side chick who he has minimal use for. He can borrow my car, have a place to stay, borrow money from. The whole while knowing I'm in a fucked up position and he's never gonna help me. Shit my car been without a headlight since LAST OCTOBER I just got a new head light that I HAD TO PUT IN! Like I'm so fucking done. I gotta argue with you about my car!? Like I have shit to do and I'm not your chauffeur. I gotta listen to him whine and complain and treat me badly. Like no. I'm over it. I'm not trying to be miserable and I'm not trying to forced into a relationship I don't want to be in. He's not benefiting me in anyway, and he takes rejoice when I'm doing badly. I'm not ok with men treating me like that. Shit I even tried to move on. And the next dude was the SAME EXACT WAY. I cut that shit off immediately. I can't do it no more. Getting too old for these games. But I do know one thing. I'll be 30 this year....I'll be damned if I'm going to continue this nonsense in my 30s. I'm cool. 

Sunday, February 19, 2017

Pet Condoms

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Yes you read that correctly! 


So I happen upon this by chance looking for material for Condom Week as usual. Though I think I out did myself years ago with that awesome Condom Week Safe Sex Awareness month years ago lol. 


Anyway. I thought it was hilarious. Like really?? They make a condom that little and inconspicuous to the pet to use so you're not a grand mommy to pups and kits? What the actual hell?? So I did some research and actually it has an awesome story behind it. 

So we all know it's best to spay and neuter your pets, right? For their best interest and for the next generation's and yours as well. Because let's face it. You decide on what you can handle as owner. I know my limit is two cats and maybe a fish. But 8 cats??? Yeah it's going to be a problem lmao. So these Pet Condoms  They're actually an advertisement wrapped in a cute condom wrapper to promote the positives of spay and neutering pets! How cool is that?? 

Check out this video! 






I'm blow away at this advertising win! I'm shocked that this wasn't a national thing! If only they could promote this kind of awareness for younger generation and hey it can be a baby doll or a baby item even with a tag on it and a fact. Or even a link to a website that shows the positives of safe sex! 


I say pet condoms are for the WIN! 

Happy Condom Week!!!

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I thought this was interesting when I was searching on the net for pictures. 

 

3 YEARS!!! And still going on strong! For me that's an awesome accomplishment to search for something and my website pops up! It's nostalgic and heartwarming. But seriously who doesn't want to see old condoms? Lol 


Whisper: Choking Hazard

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Thursday, February 16, 2017

Whisper: First Love

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Tungdoms

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Hi kids!


I thought this was interesting. 


Now most of you know, when engaging in any sex of any kind you should always use protection as much as possible. So whether it be vaginal, oral, or even anal—WRAP SOMETHING UP! 

Now let's talk about oral sex. 

We all love it. We find it enjoyable and it's probably the next best thing to waffles (because pancakes trump all lol). But you should use a condom or dentaldam. THIS of course prevents STIs like Herpes from being transmitted. 


But what about your tongue?? Like at first this was funny but seriously why isn't that a thing?? 

Ok but before I get ahead of myself 


 

It's funny—hilarious even. 

But seriously why isn't this a thing?! Yeah your mouth is the quickest healing part on your body. And can withstand man germs, bacteria and such. But what if you need more than dentaldam??? Not all guys know how to eat the cooter. They wanna explore pass the Vag Door and get inside (even though they'd be fine with the doorbell aka clitoris)....

I can say from a female's stand point some women don't keep the Vagina as clean as they should. Who wants to go into a haunted house with more cobwebs and creepy crawlers than expected??? Not I! 

But we also know cold sores happen inside the mouth. So can herpes too! That dentaldam can do but only so much. 


They need to make this a thing! 

Whisper: Nurse Condom

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Whisper: Dad Joke

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Whisper: Baby Mama Drama

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Wednesday, February 15, 2017

Whisper: Jeally Ex

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I actually considered doing this when my now ex was still my boyfriend lol 




 

Whisper: Baby Sister

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Whisper: Librarian Condoms

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Happy Condom Week 2017!!

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Hey kids!!



I hope you guys and dolls had a good Valentine's! I do believe this is the first one that I actually enjoyed. Though I was single and alone. I enjoyed my outing and the people I met this evening. My heart shaped pizza, cookie cake and Trolls movie! I had a blast. Even brought my two crazy kitten-cats some new toys and a house. So we had fun. 


Though I would rather have gotten flowers, candies and my boot rubbed on my undercover lover—eh what you gonna do right??? 


Anyways I came across some spectacular awesomeness one day. Whisper. How many of us know what that is? Ok so it's basically an app that lets you post something honest, funny or whatever to everyone anonymously. At first I thought it was a bit much. But over the years I've grown fond of it. I love seeing what other secrets or tidbits people have. On a weird side of the token it's enlightening actually. 


So this year for condom week. Besides all my regular shenanigans, I'mma post a few whispers that I came across that I absolutely love! And I hope you like them too! 


Like always! 

Practice safe sex while having fun!

 

Tuesday, February 14, 2017

Thursday, January 19, 2017

Wednesday, January 18, 2017

Hennessy

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A Half Child

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I came across this random post on Facebook earlier during my insomnia. About people finding out about their half siblings. It was through Whisper. I decided to read it, but it wasn't until I kept scrolling that it hit home for me. It started to hurt. Because all I could think of is that my kid is going to be in that position. All because me and her dad couldnt work out our differences. In step further him being difficult and uncooperative. 

However the more I scrolled the more I got disturbed and wondered how many people felt like this? I have no idea, I never had siblings. The thought or basically for me to know that my child has 3 older brothers and sister that she may never meet or may be able to meet one day but never form any kind of bond bothers me more than me being a single parent. So even though she'll have siblings they may never accept her for whatever the reason may be. They may never acknowledge her. They may even pretend she doesn't exist (kind of what of her father does now). Or they may even sustain a half ass relationship with her to borrow money, mooch off her or just use her. I don't want that either. But it's a weird subject. Honestly I'm not sure how to approach the subject if she ever asks me one day. Like this is all uncharted territory for me and I'm going in ass backwards hoping for the best outcome. 


But I will say this. Even to those who are half siblings or have them. This is coming from an only child. It's better to have ANY KIND of siblings than none at all. 

I can't give my child, aunts or uncles or cousins or grandparents. All because it's just me. It sucks. I kind of grew up like that but with both parents. Older cousins, distant aunts and uncles and a grandma who didn't live too long. I remember from grade school it seemed like every other day was sibling day or being your grandmother or grandfather to school day. And I could never participate and always had to take a sit somewhere on my lonesome. But I longed to have siblings. It would be nice to figure things out with a brother or sister. Or to have someone there when I need a shoulder to cry on. Or even be an aunt to someone. I will never get that chance. I KNOW from first hand experience how much it sucks to not have a close family.  It makes you bitter, mean, unhappy and jealous of other families. I personally had family get togethers and holiday dinners because I have to sit in a room full of strangers I'm related to that not only CANNOT spell my name correctly but don't even know how old I am. We don't even have anything generally in common. It's horrid. I hate the winter holidays for that very reason. 

However don't denounce your half siblings because you share just a mom or a dad and have separate families. That's so fucked up. Life is short, and you should be so grateful to have something that a lot of people don't have. 

It's like having your dad walk you down the aisle for your wedding or dancing with him at your reception. A lot of women don't experience it. But if you have a father and he wants to work things out humor him. It's the little things that count. 


I hope that one day even through all this bullshit with her dad. We can get along enough to have the kids meet and maybe form some sort of bond. Plus who wants their kids dating each other??? UGH THATS EVEN WORST!!! 

I damn sure don't want my child dating their half sibling. That's a disaster waiting to happen!

But on the same token if we never come to a mutual agreement. Me and her dad. Then I still will tell her she has 2 brothers and a sister (that I'm aware of). Tell her who her dad is (that he's partially psycho lol). Just got her knowledge so she doesn't feel I'm just here. There's been a lot of times I felt like I'm just here. That my family was only me, my mum and my dad. That's it. I want her aware of other relatives and family members even if she never sees them or create a relationship with them. At least she knows. 



So before you knock having a half sibling. Be happy. That person maybe your life saver one day or that support you needed. 

I'd take a half sibling any day. 

Monday, January 16, 2017

It's Not OK!

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So today was probably my worst day so far in the new year. I've been having an on going battle with my boyfriend of 2 years. We've been arguing a lot lately. Which he calls a disagreement. But blaming someone they're cheating or making radical racial slurs is an argument. But also on the same token he's been rude, disrespectful and just a plain ass to me. And I guess today I had enough. 


But between friends and everyone saying to try and work it out. Or hear him out, continue loving him. To break up with the asshole you deserve better! All those are easier said than done. It took me a whole month to break up with him. And he didn't want to break up. But within all this I have a point to make. I've googled and I've search and nothing spoke to my situation. NOTHING. Between him acting like an asshole all the time and my ex acting like any minute we're going to get back together. It's been a real fucking pain. 


And I know somewhere there's girl in my shoes wonder what the hell to do. What to do when your boyfriend doesn't want to break up. What to do when you're pregnant by your long term boyfriend and he denies your baby. What to do when your ex won't take the hint and move the fuck on. What to do when everyone is telling you break up like you buy the shit at the store. What to with yourself and your heart when you know you love that person so much it hurts and it tears you apart inside. What to do when you know you'll never get that apology, that hug or that love from someone who feel they're not wrong. They don't see a problem with their actions. 



It's not ok when your man disrespects you. If he says the slightest thing. It's not ok. He shouldn't say you're a lying cheating whore, that the baby he made with you isn't his and he refuses to claim it. He shouldn't be begging you for money and not paying you back or using your car and bring it back on empty. He shouldn't keep your relationship with him a secret or on the hush-hush. If he has kids, you should at least meet them before anyone else. He shouldn't be withholding sex or love from you. He shouldn't demand you give him blow jobs or meet his every need and want. He shouldn't treat you like a maid or servant. He damn sure shouldn't get mad when you start doing better like getting s car or getting a new job or a better place to live. He shouldn't be telling you how you have to have permission to have male friends. Or to have roommates in your house if he's not even willing to help you with bills or expenses. You shouldn't have to beg him to do things for you. And you damn sure shouldn't have to get this indecisive ass answer on whether or not he's going to help you or not. He shouldn't be blaming you for his downfall or failures. He shouldn't blame others for misfortunes and difficult situations. He shouldn't be trying to mold you into someone you're not. Whether it's faint, heavy, aggressive, or smoothering—he has to accept there are dislikable things about you. But constantly pointing them out and wanting them to be changed, washed away or adjusted isn't acceptance. He shouldn't be affording the next man the opportunity to help you and get mad because someone else didn't want to see you struggle. If he can't tell you where he's at, where he's been or who he's with. Hell if he can't tell you where he lives or even go so far to ignore you and keep in contact with you based on his convenience alone. WHATEVER IT MAY BE—if he made you cry and laughed while you were hurting. 


DAMMIT IT IS NOT OK!! 

It's not. Get out while you can. 


You can do so much better. If you want to. If you don't that's ok too. Worry about what's best for you. 



That man is suppose to love you. You shouldn't have to chase him. If he cared, he wouldn't give you a reason to second guess his actions or conversation. He would communicate with you and to you. There is no screaming matches or him telling you how stupid you are or evading questions or talking over you. You wouldn't have to struggle. And you all would be able to make sound decisions whether that's on a future together, marriage, kids or even just making a plan on date night. He shows you how much he cares. He wouldn't want to see you struggle. He would be proud and happy that you're becoming a better woman, a better person. He would be your strength. He will love everything about you. He wouldn't do something that would jeopardize your relationship and risk him losing you. He'd be good to you. And will always remain good to you. Because he loves you.  


But if your man isn't doing any of that. Or acts like taking you on a date or being good to you is a chore or a problem. Then honey you don't need him. 


If you're paying for dates, or gas in his car or sexually satisfying him and he's not giving you shit. Then leave him—immediately. It ain't worth it. 


You can do bad on your own. 



Make 2017 count. Drop the bad relationship. Drop the inconsiderate cunt of a boyfriend. Tell the ex boyfriend who's turned into a crazed stalker to bugger  off. Work on being a good woman, a good mom and an even greater person. Travel, see the world, have fun, take the risk, get a new job, new home, new car, go make new friends if you have to. If you aanr love baby let it find you. If you don't that's ok. It's ok to be bitter and unhappy for awhile. Don't let anyone have the opportunity to disrespect you and hurt your soul. And don't let someone else tell you that you're wrong for feeling jaded for being betrayed by someone you loved wholeheartedly. Fuck them. 


Just please. Please don't fuck up like I did. You don't want to be unhappy and pregnant and all alone. It's sucks. 


So please whatever you do. Please fight for you. And if you have a baby, fight for them. They're all you got in the end and you can't be weak or waver. You got to be the bamboo among trees and yes you will bend and sway but continue to stay strong and hold on. 


You'll overcome one day. 

Independent Women Aren't Difficult, They're Survivors

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MLK

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So since it is Dr. King's birthday I wanted to post a few of my favorite quotes. None of the ordinary. I wanted to post the ones that are notable but often overlooked. These speak the loudest to me. 

 
 


“I have the audacity to believe that peoples everywhere can have three meals a day for their bodies, education and culture for their minds, and dignity, equality and freedom for their spirits.”

“Not everybody can be famous, but everybody can be great, because greatness is determined by service.”

"Faith is taking the first step even when you don't see the whole staircase."

"I look to a day when people will not be judged by the color of their skin, but by the content of their character."

"Life's most persistent and urgent question is, 'What are you doing for others?"

"The time is always right to do what is right."

 

Saturday, January 14, 2017

Monday, January 9, 2017

Fineapple

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Sunday, January 8, 2017

Tuesday, January 3, 2017

Kwanzaa | Imani | Faith

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First and foremost Happy New Years guys & dolls!

 

I’m sorry this posted late. I was hanging out with my best friend for life AKA Baby Cousin. I decided to borrow her a bit since I had nothing else to do and give my Aunt & cousin (her gram and dad) a break. I remember being young and sitting at home with old people was the pits. Even though I wanted to spend time with my older cousins they weren’t interested and wanted to go have fun. And kids my age had brothers and sisters and family activities. So that’s what I was doing.

 

 

 

On to it.

 

 

 

Imani means Faith. 


 

"To believe with all our heart in our people, our parents, our teachers, our leaders, and the righteousness and victory of our struggle"

 

 



One thing I’ve learned is that faith can go a long way within a relationship. You’ve got to have faith for the relationships, for and within each other and for your future. Especially faith that things will work out even when it seems it’s going to fall apart. However with us, he never had any faith in me to begin with. Even was bold enough to tell me that he didn’t trust me. Would even say that the only people that care about him is his kids and no one else. It’s like well what the hell am I then? I’m giving you my all and loving you as much as I can and you’re telling me that it’s not good enough for you. Yeah I was offended but I was hurt that here I am trying to love you and you won’t let me. But then has the audacity to say that I don’t do anything nice for him or care about him. How can I if you won’t let me?? Also on the same token, how can I have faith in our relationship and hope it works out between us when you acting shady with me now? Honestly I refuse to build a relationship on distrust, dishonest and unfaithfulness. It’s weak foundation and nothing good will come from it, especially if only one of us is trying to make it work.

 

To me that’s the main ingredient for a successful relationship. I’ve tried to get him to be more open with me and trust me but nothing works. Honestly when he would say he couldn’t trust me that was my red flag. And I should’ve paid attention, but I didn’t because I gave him the benefit of the doubt and was hoping he was hurting and just wanted someone to care about him. I wanted to be the one he knew that could make everything alright and he could always confide in. Unfortunately that wasn’t the case. Probably never will be. I still have faith he’ll be a good man, remain a good father and become more prosperous than he now… just not with me. But I don’t hope that our break up won’t make him lose faith in love or finding someone new. I’d love to say I have the faith to find someone new, but I also know that’s asking for way too much and is never going to happen anytime soon.  I can’t do men and their unfaithfulness as a PERSON. Like who goes around wanting to hurt people or mess up their progress? Keep that miserable bullshit over there with your unhappy ass self. 

 

 

But if you’re in a relationship (or working on getting into one), learn to have faith. It means so much. If you’re having a rough time or arguing or just hit a really messed up bump in the relationship. Don’t make it worst by arguing or fighting or placing blame. Take time out and focus on what you both want and need. Work on strengthening your faith and hold each other close. Communicate, don’t dismiss or evade it. Love and care about each other. Don’t hate and be disrespectful. Build that empire. Trust in each other. Be that well prosperous investment you both need and want from each other. Trust me when you have that, there’s nothing that won’t knock you guys down or tear you apart.

 

 

Always have faith.

 

 

 

 

 
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