Thanks for taking the time to visit my site!
but Personality gets Attention...
It's said that asking people questions lets you get to know them better...
Wednesday, May 28, 2014
Saturday, May 24, 2014
425 Pittsburgh St
Springdale, PA 15144-1454
Friday, May 23, 2014
They tell us how beautiful and wonderful life is. That everyday is a good day and we collect people and memories that last a life time and will always comfort our hearts, make us happy and engulf us in this protective bubble of security and blissfulness. The way to get this Happy Life is to go into this room and view this hypothetical door. Everything we've ever dreamed of or wanted is outside this "door" and all we have to do is open it and go to it. It's just that simple. No bullshit, no problems--just turn the knob, open the door and skip your silly ass into a paradisaical dreamland.
However, once you finally get into this room, to get to your door. And it's the only door in this dark room. And at some point you will question how the fuck you got into this room in the first place.But you find out that someone's blocking the door, on the other side of the door is another person holding or blocking it shut. It has 8999 locks on the side you can see, one lock on the other side. The guy in front of you has the key to open the one solitary lock on otherside, while the person on the otherside has the 8999 keys you need to get the door open from the side you can see. Now you're standing there trying to recall in all of these fantastical stories you heard about how great and awesome Life is, if there were keys or road blocks and bullshit involved. You wonder if you didn't hear something correctly or even if you heard what you wanted to hear (all the good stuff) and blocked out the bad. I'm hear to tell you, you heard right and it wasn't that you missed all the bad things--they were never disclosed in the first place. But they expect you to known that the door was lock even though they're telling you all you got to do is open it and that's it.
To top it all off you have someone bitching at you about how you're not applying yourself or trying to open the door. Or how you have to persuade or kiss the people's (who's blocking the door) asses to get in and in the end it doesn't really matter they're going to say NO anyway because they can. Yet they continue to bitch, you get people who say they know how you feel when they really don't, or others telling you how you should feel. Or how you're being overly dramatic or a Debbie/Davey Downer because you're sooo fucking negative. Well shit bitch, You can say that because you're on the other side and you only like 5 locks and two dumbass blocking your door so doing whatever got them to move. I'm not in the same predicament or situation. But that's what american life is like. Some are harsher than others, and it seems the people who are complete lazy assholes get whatever they want I guess because they're cute or some crazy shit like that. I dunno.
But what disturbs me the most is the fact, that I feel in my heart....this I know--that when I finally get that door open, I'll just be in another room similiar to that of an unused attic in someone's house. Another empty room. The door will slam shut and I'll be back where I started again. But I'm so disgusted with life, and people making excuses and telling me bullshit to make me feel better when it really doesn't, is not something I want to endure another 25 to 50 years. I rather be dead, I'm better off dead, and I won't be losing anything if I did die. I'm beyond frustrated, I'm sick and I'm tired. I'm especially tired of trying to make this work and find a steady job especially since the employers know I need it, otherwise I wouldn't be looking for it. I'm not looking for the family life or party girl life. I just want to go to work, make well over enough to pay my bills and expenses and that's it. Maybe some occasional traveling or something but that's all I want. But apparently I'm asking for way too much....So in the meantime I'll patiently wait until death calls my name.
Tuesday, May 13, 2014
Monday, May 12, 2014
Sunday, May 11, 2014
As for you deadbeats, you should be ashamed of yourself. All you do is think about you, yourself and you. Having a baby isn't a novelty and no you shouldn't treat it like it's the worst thing ever. You know babies come from sex, you don't want kids you need to reconsider throwing your pussy and cock out so generously to the whole neighborhood. You people sicken me.
In the mean time, this is my first mother's day without my mom so adjusting to all this is still a process. I understand and it's kind of bittersweet but then I realize that oh my goodness can't do that—divert attention immediately. However it's not all for naught thought, because even though my kids don't know a thing about Mother's Day they'll make it worth it. Even if people say they're just your pet, in your opinion yes. In my opinion no they're my kids. They greet me at the door, give me hugs and kisses and they're afraid to lose me. If that's not love then I don't know what is. So since it's supposed to be a special day, I might give them a nice treat tomorrow.
To the rest of you, cherish your mama she won't be here forever and might not make out the rest of the year. So appreciate it, even if it seems like a pain in the ass. It'll be worth it and you'll be happy in the end to have a relieved train of thought.
So Happy Mother's Day to everyone near and far and enjoy the day!!
Thursday, May 8, 2014
Monday, May 5, 2014
After my paycheck being shorter than I expected which really put a damper on my plans. Not so much personal entertainment but I had planned on saving some of this pay check so I can have enough to pay for my taxes and car insurance and hopefully get my car fixed. No such luck. Just paying two utilities I ended up broke and negative. I had to sell something just to bring my bank account positive. In the process I've been applying to jobs like crazy because I'm not sure if I'll be able to get unemployment, let alone be guaranteed a job next school term. I can't wait to see what happens and then end up with nothing in the end. But no what I kept telling myself it'll all work out for the better.
However just sitting here at home, because I have to preserve gas to go to work. I can't help but feel very inadequate. I feel like I'm busting my ass to work and make a living and in the end I'm still coming out poorer than I already was. I don't want to work 10 jobs just to pay for utilities which aren't that expensive but because Pittsburgh refuses to raise the minimum wage and gas has gone up to almost $4 it makes earning a living hard and frustrating. The worst part about all this is the fact I'm working so hard and I don't even know why. When I take time to think about why exactly I'm doing this....I come up with nothing and I'm baffled. When I look at other people in their situations, most are working for a dream they never want to see die that they have a passion that this dream will live. Others have families they're working hard to support and bring a better life to and the rest have lovers who they want to impress and build a life with. I don't have any of those thing and probably never will....
So I'm wondering if all this hard work I'm doing is really worth it or should I forego it all and move to another state and try to make things work the best way I can there?? But even though I know in my heart that's something I would rather want to do....I'm afraid. I'm afraid that if I step back out there that I'll end up in another hole deeper than the one I'm already in. But I'm trying my damnedest to climb out because I want to be out and I want to be free and see what's above.....But the risk hurts knowing that it may not be what I want and that's what I hate the most.
I don't like being hurt, alone and left with nothing. I honestly don't think my heart could take another breaking and beating and I still survive.
I get that all this difficulty and working hard is suppose to make me come out a better person, but in the end I have to wonder.......for what?? To still end up alone, unhappy and working hard just to live??
What's even more frustrating thing is I want to cry so bad, but I also know my sobs will forever go uncomforted....