Monday, September 1, 2014

Window Shopped Bitterness

You ever felt a broken heart??

Trust me it's not a good feeling. Honestly I don't like feeling it either, least I can say I know what it's like. After this last time I'm through—I just can't deal.

I don't like when people window shop my feelings. You know what you can afford, what you need and what you want. If I don't fall within those categories, why are you acting like I have to go throuh the moments and deal with your bullshit?? Like window shopping is suppose to be ok. It's one thing trying to find out what you like in a person and what interests you all may have or even to later have a better judgement of people and what you need. But after a certain age you need to realize that it's time to get your priorities straight and what you want and need in your life. 

That's like going to the grocery store, going straight to the ice cream section grabbing a gallon of ice cream. Then going shopping around the whole store for 3 hours. By the 4th hour you're ready to check out and you put everything in your cart on the belt except for the ice cream and then you ask the cashier for a subtotal before you add on the ice cream and then she tells you it's $100. You tell her to add the ice cream and then give you another subtotal which is now $104 but you tell her you only have $100 and you don't what the ice cream and to void it off and check out happily. However what the fuck is suppose to be done with the ice cream now?? It's melted, soupy and gross. Putting it back into the freezer will not make it go back to the solidfied state it was in when you first picked it up and now it's just a mess. But the worst part about it is, they do stick it back into the freezer and expect it to be the same. Now everytime someone picks up that ice cream not only do they want to return it and not deal with it, it become this back and forth item that goes from cold to heat and remains in this useless state. 

That's what men do. The pick a woman, lead her on tells her shit that he thinks she'll react positively too, make promises, attempt for sex with her and in either case when he's done window shopping her he puts her back on the shelf and walks away with this unchanged and nonchalant attitude of how he isn't bothered or unhappy. Yet he left that woman scarred and feeling disenchanted. What's the worst part is that's how a bittter woman is born. But no one blames the man or says the man is the cause of her bitterness It's her fault for expecting something that wasn't there. How the fuck am I suppose to know he's not interested when he's telling me and acting like he's interested??? That's contradictory as fuck. Honestly it pisses me off.

Don't treat me like some common whore and go above and beyond in your act to get my attention when you're not fully interested in the first place. But the last time I checked I wasn't a mind reader, so I don't know what the fuck it is that you want or need if you don't express that to me.

After this last time, with the last few men I've talked to I'm just not interested. I'm tired of being window shopped or told I'm not good enough or what they want but they still feel a need to "test drive me"  if you're looking to make it work with me I'm not interested. I'm disgusted not so much with the last guy whom I found out deleted me off his facebook wih no rhyme or reason (and that's perfectly ok) but it's the fact I decided to give you a chance and you saying it could and would work between us and ending to somehow being my fault. That got me disgusted with myself, because here I am already hurt and broken and used and I decided to give hima chance and open up and change my routine. I still got burnt in the end. I'm like why did I waste 4 months with you and on you to still end up hurt in the end or told some petty ass excuse about why we can't be together. Whoa whoa, who put that thought in my head in the first place?? Who was talking about relationships and Not me. But it's like men don't own up to doing that, they feel better about themselves I guess if they blame other people. But when they do that they'll always be miserible and won't know how to cope with the world today. But I guess that doesn't matter either because everyone doesn't genuinely care about shit anymore.

But all I know is that i refused to be window shopped. My heart will remain closed until people genuinely want to come into my life and make a difference and they have to want to stay and if not then you will be esscorted out because I refuse to put up with the emotional bullshit. 

I rather be single, lonely and slightly bitter woman who despised men. Then to continuously let men come into my life who have no interest in staying with me in the first place. I'm a detour until you get on the road you want. I'm not going to be window shopped until the skank you want goes on sale. I refuse to participate. I also know I won't be so unhappy over someone else miserableness. 


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