Sunday, June 22, 2014

Jobs, Yo—

What fucks me up the most about searching to employment is the fact that job postings lie. Whether it's the catchy title or the intriguing summary. It's a lie. 

Now this job's summary said: no experience is required, entry level, we train you, apply now for immediate consideration. 

So I clicked on it. 

After reading a short essay on how awesome this job was here's what's needed for the job. Before I get to that, I've notice a lot of jobs want your attention and they throw out like 5-6 paragraphs about their company and it's mostly one or two paragraphs stretched out to hold your attention. Because at some point they should know if someone is desperate for jobs, you're looking for the apply button hoping that this will be the chance you need. But what's funny they post their little picky ass wants in the middle or at the end. So as you're looking for the apply button. You've missed the key part about this. But you didn't know and won't find out until they send you a rejection email. And you have to go back to the posting like what the fuck did I just miss?? (Think of Eddie Murphy on James Brown from DELIRIOUS) Then you know what you missed and you're wondering why the fuck did you say you're looking for any kind of "dog" but then say you only take specific breeds like "German Shepards, Great Danes, Greyhounds, Boston Terriers, and Poodles" what the hell is that???

Anyway. Back to this job. After I skimmed through the company history, here's what I found:

Previous medical or pharmaceutical sales experience is not required for these positions as our clients and affiliates are generally looking for candidates with the following qualifications: 
•Bachelor's degree or higher
•Clean driving record- no more than two minors in five years, no DUIs
•Currently in outside, business-to-business sales
•History of job stability- no more than two jobs in five years and preferably within the same industry
•History of sales success or leadership experience if a recent college grad

Now the job title or summary did not mention any of that. However if I didn't skim through it, I would've applied, and ended up with a rejection email sometime this week. 

For so many people who are unemployed and struggling, to tell them that they can get a job is wonderful news. But then say you refuse to hire them because they're not what you're looking for or how you want this premadonna candidate is crazy. Barbie don't come with her house, wardrobe or friends. You gotta go buy that shit. So either accept Barbie with her two outfits and shoes to match. Or dream of having someone else's Barbie who has the house, the clothes, the pink ass car and the side bitches to tote. Guess what genius, you can have the same thing too if you weren't so fucking particular and have people a chance. Not everyone who's unemployed is a bum or loser. Just like not all single women are going to come into work drunk and flirt with all the men. 

These employers are crazy! And I get mad when people tell me just go apply and you'll get something because you're doing this for you. No I'm not. I've applied to over 500 jobs in a month. I got 10 maybe 15 interviews. No job. Why because I'm not the candidate they're looking for. I haven't worked steady in the last 5 years, I don't have a degree, I don't have experience, I don't have references, I don't have this and I don't have that. The other day guy told me he wouldn't hire me because I don't have a car. Here's the kicker, for me to get the car I need to be working, for me to work that job I need to have the car. It's not a Catch-22. This is a catch-88 because they know what the hell they're saying. You know I need a job to get a car, just like I do. But you're telling me no to a job because of a luxury I can't afford to have. That's bullshit. 

Jobs are evil, the people who hire you nowadays are basically offsprings of satan. Like next to kin but they think they're gods. Just to live a comfortable life and hope to not end up homeless is ridiculous. It's hurtful actually. 


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