But then again there's nothin to define what it really means. Then one day it came to me what it is and why it's so scarce.
The other day I happen to see my Neighbor who was a nice person and has a wonderful personality. She came and gave me the biggest tightest heartfelt hug I had in a long time. And she did so to tell me that her mom passed away just a few months ago and I told her how sorry I was and her next question was by far the most baffling. Here we have this mom who's in her mid 40s or so, tears welling up in her eyes and just looks down right heartbroken and she stares at me and asks me, "How do you do it??"
Honestly....I didn't have an answer for her. I had never been asked that yet. When I took what short time I had to think about it, all I could say is I don't know myself. As we talked, she told me how much of an inspiration I was to her. To see me lose my mom and make it work like it didn't happen. She told me how depressed and unhappy she was and how much seeing me go about my daily routine or see my kittens playing in the window or on the porch just made her so happy. Honestly I felt like I had done something great! I just didn't know about it.
I did tell her honestly, there's no way to get over it. I do miss my mother and even miss my father and I think about them a lot and I even have moments where I want to tell my mama something or come across something cute or funny I want to share with just her because she got my quirkiness. Then I realize that I can't, and I have to refocus my attention elsewhere which is hard. Thankfully the kittens keep me entertained and ward off some of the boredom.
Before she left she gave me another hug and I could feel how unhappy she was with life. The funny thing was, I would have never considered not once in my life that being at my age of almost 27 that I would be being comfort to someone who's old enough to be my mom who's on a similar path as mine.
When I consider the people my age who doesn't have a mom or a dad or both. I can only count maybe 5 people. Probably not even that many. Why?? Because we are conditioned to think our parents will be with is forever and nothing can affect that way of thinking. Well for me mine was affected when my mom got sick and it was a wake up call—one day I'm going to be an orphan. No matter how much I didn't want that, I had to learn to accept that one day this could be my fate. And it was. I think because I rewired my thought process I was able to accept my parents death a little bit more. I got my crying out of the way because I knew I had a lot of shit to take care of, like my mother funeral, getting the house together and repaired and going through the legal system to handle name changing and inheritance. I had no choice but to have a clear mind. Every now and then I'll have a moment and cry about it but then in my case I don't give a full cry. Why?? Because the people I want to comfort me aren't here and will never be able to comfort me. So either I cry for no reason or I suck it up and move it along.
All in all I must say that I'm happy that people think well enough of me to consider me as someone to confide in and find that strength they lost so abruptly when they're world got turned upside down. I think about us Northern folks, that's one thing we do well. We know how to come together even for a short moment in a time of tragedy and bring comfort to one another and get past the moment into recovery. It maybe short lived but that's ok. It's that emotional bond that matters the most.
The Southern and Northern Comforts are like the comedy and tragedy symbols of theatre (the happy and sad faces). Apart they have their own stories. But together they make one hell of a performance.