Friday, January 17, 2014

Never Have I

I was thinking on this subject and it didn't really hit me or maybe sink in until yesterday when I was doing something in the kitchen.

Never have I in my life experienced the whole wondrous moment of when a man fawns over a woman. Like you know how guys say how he couldn't take his eyes off her or how he knew she was the one the second she smiled or giggled at his lame joke. I've never gotten the chance to be put on such a pedestal and be admired in such a way. Or so I thought.

The more I thought about it, then I realized I did get that chance. By Him-Who-Shall-Remain-Nameless, he put me on that pedestal and I loved every single moment of being there. I felt like a forgotten princess that had finally be found by unlikely prince and how happy I was to finally be admired. Unfortunately it didn't last long and it turned out to be for a selfish reason not of my own accord and he fucked it up for me big time. I guess that's why I can't fully get over him. He stole some really precious moments away from me and ruined my whole outlook on everything else. Even though I say I'm over it and partially act like I am...deep down I'm really not. Honestly if I had never met him or never gone outside that day or never even spent the years to follow getting to know him. I think I would be in a better mind frame, and the stuff to follow his foolishness wouldn't've happened and I think I would have a more positive outlook on relationships and love.

The funniest thing happened today, another girl on Facebook mentioned how she's never celebrated Valentine's Day let alone been on a real date. For the first time in my life I felt like I wasn't the only queer in the world. I'm not saying I enjoyed what I read but I felt so much better knowing it's not just me. It's one thing to be told it's not you and never see anything to provide accurate proof oppose to actually seeing proof and not feeling like a total outcast jackass. I think she's really nice, and as a good personality.

It makes me wonder, how does a woman go majority of her life not knowing what it's like to be treated like a princess or to have a man fawn over you like you're the only woman in the world. How is that possible?? I can't believe there are so few men and those not taken by ruthless cougars and skanks are gay. Something happened along the way that made the woman's love life take a wrong detour and it can't seem to get back on the right track. But if it's somewhat common, why is it considered weird or strange for a woman to be single longer than her counterparts who are married or with children?? Why above all else does she get penalized or reprimanded for it?? The whole logic behind it baffles me.

Then again like the saying goes, just because you're a good woman doesn't mean you'll be good enough for a man who isn't ready. You'll never be good enough. So then my next question is how long must a woman wait to be good enough?? How long must she put her life on hold and work a simple daily routine until he's ready to "man-up" and take her out or date her or have a relationship with her?? It's strange really.

Yet even now as I write this, other than Him, I can't recall a guy genuinely liking me for me and putting me on that princess pedestal and making me his whole world. Never. I won't lie and say it never bothered me, but I also won't say that I let it consume me. Eventually I learned to get over it and move on, even if it was hard and difficult and my feelings got hurt along the way. I'm assuming it must be a nice experience and quite pleasant. However I doubt I'll ever know what it's like, so I won't spend too much of my time wasting hoping such a thing to happen. But never say never says the ones who never spent their entire life single lol.


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