Friday, January 31, 2014

Gonna Be A Good Day


Relationship Rules

I decided that I'd do something differently this year in regards to Valentine's Day. Usually I'm all for it burning to the ground and dying. But this year I won't do that. So in the midst of browsing Facebook one late night or for the lot of ye early morning, I came across a few inspirational quotes and sayings that I think will be nice for Valentine's. But I took it a step further and decided to celebrate the 14 days leading up to Valentine's Day and Condom Week as well.

So I hope you all enjoy this mini project and hopefully also learn something you didn't know or try to apply it to your everyday life in some way. 

Hard Knock Relationships


Thursday, January 30, 2014

Tuesday, January 28, 2014

Saturday, January 25, 2014

Friday, January 24, 2014

Thursday, January 23, 2014

Saturday, January 18, 2014

Fairy Taled

I realized the other day, that the reason why adults of today are so messed up when it comes to relationships is because we're aren't told the truth. We're giving cute little anecdotes and stories of how fantastic and wonderful life can be without being told of the nasty stuff that comes along with it. Just think about it. Whether you ask your parents, grandparents or some of your friends or close people you know about what a relationship is like with their signifcant other, they give you the most positive story possible. Some might say that it's a tough journey or how you both need to work at it to make it comfortable or whatever. But never do any of them say how fucked up it can be getting to that point. I think that's because that's instilled in us when we're children.

They tell us of all these fabulous things that we can do, all these occupations we can become and how our knight in shining armour or our pretty princess is out there waiting patiently to save us or be saved. Then once you finally grow up you find out all that is a load of crap. You can't function properly in the world of dysfunction and make it work. It's the truth.

You'll have people telling you that however you want your prince or princess charming to be they will be and make you the happiest boy/girl in the whole wide world. With no problems or no excuses, not even any obstacles or setbacks. You believe this, you go through out your life creating this caricature of a person that you want to spend the rest of your life with and you set unbelievably high standards and make concrete wants and demands and include a criteria of how ultimately perfect this person is FOR YOU. When in actuality no one is perfect, the person you're conjuring in your head will never exist and when you find someone mutually compatible it'll blow you're mind. Hopefully in a good way, but for some it's the opposite. I think because others instill this falsehood of creating the perfect mate, we lose sight on reality and then when faced with reality we aren't sure how to adapt to it. For example that's like my parents telling me that the man I marry will be a hard working good man but then reality provides me with options of men who sit on their ass doing nothing or those who feel their money is their money and refuses to contribute to the household. Another example is telling a son that the woman he marries will be skinny beautiful and perfect and reality provides him with good and bad women of multitudes of sizes and some aren't going to be Miss Beauty Pageant beautiful either.

But because of this programming, we can't function. Like telling us we can be whatever we want when we grow up. Knowing damned well that isn't true and it's far from happening. This was in Anchorman 2 if you haven't seen it. I'm with Ron Burgundy you're lucky if you get to be a fluffer or the lighting guy in a porno. I'm just saying. I think on a certain level it's really fucked up to tell us all these fairy tales that's going to happen to happen to us if we just believe in ourselves and then thrusting us into a world where NONE of what was said is possible, true or accurate and expect us to adjust so quickly. Reminds me when I confronted my mom about why I'm single. So she said well that's a part of life. But that's not what you told me nor portrayed. You made me believe that everyone got married had kids and lived an enjoyable life. She told me I was naive for believing such a thing. Well it's not like you told me the fucked up part of the story either, now is it??

This isn't comparable to Santa, the Easter Bunny or Tooth Fairy. That's just for fun and it's apart of growing up. But to say well yes you'll get married, have kids, work the best job ever and take more vacations than hookers take off days is wrong. It's seriously evil, because you know you're lying and you're doing it on purpose without a rhyme or reason and then when it backfires or turns ugly you want to say well you should've know we were bullshitting you all this time. How am I suppose to know that some men are assholes if you don't tell me and I'm thinking all men are prince charming?? How am suppose to know that majority of average women look nothing like the super model queen I see strutting her shit on tv if you tell me the woman will look how I expect her to?? How am I suppose to know I won't be what I want to be when I grow up when you tell me I can do anything if I set my heart to it?? You can't expect someone to know the answer or question to be asked just because you already do. That's high inconsiderate. It's like telling little girls boys like them when they're mean to them, knowing damn well that's not true.

But I honestly believe that's what's wrong with us, we were force fed so much goody-two-ness that you leave out the reality and we're lost and confuse and roam about not only trying to accept everything at once and mentally digest it properly but also at the same time try to find out who we are because the expectations we made turned out to be wrong. But I guess a lie is easier to roll off the tongue than the bitterness of the truth.

Bank Robbery


Friday, January 17, 2014


I don't understand why we can't be friends first before we become lovers. Is your conquering fest that much more important?? 

Honestly if I decided to take a leap of faith an re-explore the uncharted waters of Love, I'm looking for a stable someone. Someone who isn't about mind games or personal amusement, a person that puts their priorities in order and that attempts to invest in a future they can later marvel at. I'm more into a person who wants to wake up beside me every morning in a California King, than to bed me for a night and call it quits before it had a chance to blossom. 

I don't need children in my life. I got pets for a reason. I only deal strictly with grown people. I don't need to jump from person to person to know or find out what I'm looking for. I already know. If you don't match the criteria I'm sorry, but I also don't want to be just a Prelude to a chapter in your life story. I want to your plot, middle, ending and apart of every other sequel to follow. Yeah. I'm selfish like that. 

But also understand that I was doing just fine before you. In all honesty, I don't need you to survive, I've been doing that on my own also for the last 26years and I'll continue to do for the years yet to come. 

Never Have I

I was thinking on this subject and it didn't really hit me or maybe sink in until yesterday when I was doing something in the kitchen.

Never have I in my life experienced the whole wondrous moment of when a man fawns over a woman. Like you know how guys say how he couldn't take his eyes off her or how he knew she was the one the second she smiled or giggled at his lame joke. I've never gotten the chance to be put on such a pedestal and be admired in such a way. Or so I thought.

The more I thought about it, then I realized I did get that chance. By Him-Who-Shall-Remain-Nameless, he put me on that pedestal and I loved every single moment of being there. I felt like a forgotten princess that had finally be found by unlikely prince and how happy I was to finally be admired. Unfortunately it didn't last long and it turned out to be for a selfish reason not of my own accord and he fucked it up for me big time. I guess that's why I can't fully get over him. He stole some really precious moments away from me and ruined my whole outlook on everything else. Even though I say I'm over it and partially act like I am...deep down I'm really not. Honestly if I had never met him or never gone outside that day or never even spent the years to follow getting to know him. I think I would be in a better mind frame, and the stuff to follow his foolishness wouldn't've happened and I think I would have a more positive outlook on relationships and love.

The funniest thing happened today, another girl on Facebook mentioned how she's never celebrated Valentine's Day let alone been on a real date. For the first time in my life I felt like I wasn't the only queer in the world. I'm not saying I enjoyed what I read but I felt so much better knowing it's not just me. It's one thing to be told it's not you and never see anything to provide accurate proof oppose to actually seeing proof and not feeling like a total outcast jackass. I think she's really nice, and as a good personality.

It makes me wonder, how does a woman go majority of her life not knowing what it's like to be treated like a princess or to have a man fawn over you like you're the only woman in the world. How is that possible?? I can't believe there are so few men and those not taken by ruthless cougars and skanks are gay. Something happened along the way that made the woman's love life take a wrong detour and it can't seem to get back on the right track. But if it's somewhat common, why is it considered weird or strange for a woman to be single longer than her counterparts who are married or with children?? Why above all else does she get penalized or reprimanded for it?? The whole logic behind it baffles me.

Then again like the saying goes, just because you're a good woman doesn't mean you'll be good enough for a man who isn't ready. You'll never be good enough. So then my next question is how long must a woman wait to be good enough?? How long must she put her life on hold and work a simple daily routine until he's ready to "man-up" and take her out or date her or have a relationship with her?? It's strange really.

Yet even now as I write this, other than Him, I can't recall a guy genuinely liking me for me and putting me on that princess pedestal and making me his whole world. Never. I won't lie and say it never bothered me, but I also won't say that I let it consume me. Eventually I learned to get over it and move on, even if it was hard and difficult and my feelings got hurt along the way. I'm assuming it must be a nice experience and quite pleasant. However I doubt I'll ever know what it's like, so I won't spend too much of my time wasting hoping such a thing to happen. But never say never says the ones who never spent their entire life single lol.

Being A Man


Admit It


Tuesday, January 14, 2014

Up Coming Holidays To Remember

I found this cuteness on the internet and thought I'd share it with everybody :).

Don't forget to write these down in your calenders boys and girls!!

Wednesday, January 8, 2014

Soul Train's Finest


Definitely Not A Fan


Saturday, January 4, 2014

A Man's Faux Pas

I happen to come across this post in the midst of clearing out my drafts. I'm amazed that almost a year later I never posted it lol. But it is worth the read, so by all means read it.

So I meant to type this one up yesterday but I got so busy and preoccupied.

Anyway as you know I did my hair after what seemed like months of neglect and laziness lol (May 2013). Well I always notice I seem to get more attention from the guys when I do look girlier than usual. Which is ok, but it's not like I get a catch checking me out. It's always some baby who thinks my milk jugs are hypnotizing or some dirty old man who really needs to stop seriously.

Well I went into the Walgreens yesterday to pick up a few things. What I usually do with my hair during the day I leave it down so it doesn't get that ponytail permanent crease mark in my hair. My hair is just a blowing and dancing in the midsummer breeze. I walk into the store and noticed a new display of nail polish stickers/strips/appliques whatever you call them. This guy that works there that I've seen often was talking to this heavy set girl that also works there, who was doing that overly trying too hard laugh women do to get a man to like them lol. 
Anyway I just happen to look over in the direction they were standing because her laughing was getting annoying. So he looks at me, rambling and stopped talking to give me the biggest smile which I will admit was very attractive. I couldn't help but say to myself: 
Damn, last time a guy looked at me like that was when the mailman thought he was getting some goodies!
At first I felt awkward and uncomfortable. Then dismissed it because I was on a mission to do my nails dammit! Well the whole time I'm there at the store he followed me around and would grin like a Cheshire Cat. He even was bold enough to want to ring me out. Then I immediately got pissed off. Why?? Yes for some women they like that sort of thing or get excited. But for me at that moment, I was mad. Not only do I see you often at your job since its a place I frequent often. But even when I was trying to be nice and say hello or just be friendly. This dude acted like I wasn't allowed to shop at HIS Walgreens. Even when he rang me up before, he would barely tell me how much the bill was. Why when I flat iron my hair and wear it out do you suddenly become so talkative?? Then I had to wonder oh was my lounge pants and over size shirt too filthy or not good enough to you? I have to wear my hair out, put on make up and dress up to please you or even get you to have a conversation with me?? How shallow can you be? Talk about females and the nick-picking petty stuff they bring up, but men are far more worst. It's just more a faux pas instead. It may look good visually or have that visually appeasing appeal, but its far from the real thing.

If you can't accept a women when she's in her rawest form, but you can fall head over heels for a fake woman that wears heavy makeup and doesn't even have her own body or a soul for that matter. Women who put make up on are hiding their true form, and becoming a whole new person in the process. They're not the same people and that's not confidence. A lot of men don't seem to understand that. Those women are hiding behind their true form to create an optical illusion, so to speak. To me that's sad, it's even sadder that men fall for women like that.

If that's how men pick out women or that's how you get any man's attention. I'm sorry but I'm far from interested -_-.

Be Dashing


Friday, January 3, 2014

I Sleep Alone, Cause There's No Room In My Bed

 It seems like in the midst of me trying to find myself, my family's been pressuring me to find a "mate" to live a traditional life with. However for the last few months I've talked to quite a few guys. I think I finally realized or more or less found out why I'm so short with men.

These men consider themselves single, yet they all just about have a kid or kids. They also have a pre-determined outlook on what they want in a woman however it's not realistically possible. You can't have a super model tall with a matching waist, triple-F tits and an ass bigger than Rhode Island, with a face prettier than any celebrity out there who has the qualities of the perfect housewife while being nastier and freakier than a porn star. You can't have everything you want. It's not possible, so you have to drop the standards and accept whatever comes your way and based your NEEDS and not your wants so much. For me that bothers me. Another thing is, they say they want a good woman but have no problem in mention how he wants to bed her or have her suck on his dick. Like what do you want?? A nasty ass ho or a good woman?? Baffles me.

For the last month, I've been called sorta cute. I hope you skinny. Why you being difficult, why can't I have your phone number. I'm interested in your face but I want to see your body first. And it goes on and on. Getting a headache just thinking about it. But one that took the cake was this one guy who was in his 30s and wanted to "hook up" but when I declined he had the nerve to tell me off because I said not interested. So I had to let him know, excuse me but I didn't go on the dating site out of want, I was bribed. I don't beat men down but I do have standards and if you can't talk like you've got sense or you're not a total horny pervert. No I don't trust people after all the crap that's happen to me. He eventually stopped talking to me. He even had to nerve to say he didn't believe I was a real person like what type of shit is that??

Then another guy, who has a kid wanted to give me advice at how much fun sex is and how to let loose and all is good as long as a condom is used. Yeah tell that to the people who were victim of the condom coming off in the middle of sex. I doubt they would agree and neither do I. So I told him I wasn't interested in sex and in the midst of our conversation he said oh now you're tons of fun, because I originally found you to be plain and boring. Oh I'm sorry my plainness and boring personality isn't what you're looking for. Then what makes it worst all these men all claim how they're be oh so loyal and faithfully committed. How can you be when I won't even be your top priority?? You already have a family and a ex that won't disappear due to children and you're telling me I have to ride the trunk of the car because you have far more important things in your life. Why should I be held back or not receive everything I'm deserved because you have a different agenda. That's not fair in the least bit.

Then comes another guy who was the one that said I was sorta cute. And his view point was well you a good woman, got your own crib, you seem nice why are you single?? Good question, I've been asking myself that for years. But now I'm like fuck it because I don't care anymore and if I have to plan my life in accordance with accommodating someone else's life then no fuck that I'm not participating. This his whole objective became where I live and how many days will it take me to let him come over to "cuddle" with me. Days?? Try never. He said that's not much of a chance. Neither are you saying I only cute enough until you want to cuddle with me.

I don't like men who are over confident, and think that I'll be ever so easy to get. No, no it won't. I'm going to make it as hard as I can because I want to show you my ugliest nastiest side and if you can't make it through and fall short then I know you were never good enough for my best. I already gave my best to two different people who never appreciate it. I can't let that happen a third time or make a routine of it either.

But last night I sat here and thought, what if I did let the walls down and open up. Would the unexpected happen?? Would I get what I've been looking for?? Just the thought and sound it sounds so bittersweet. Unfortunately after being hurt and fucked over, I immediately retracted that thought and went on to something else. I don't want to have to change me or turn into something I'm not to temporarily please someone who's not even trying their best to make me happy or show me pleasure. I read something that said that everyone is going to cause you pain, you just have to find the right people worth suffering for. I can't imagine that. I refuse to accept pain, hurt or mistreatment for the sake of just how things are.

In my mind I consider that things would change, that I one day wake up with a stitched up heart like new and be ready to receive whoever comes my way. But I also know that's a dream and fantasy and that I can't have exactly what I want. However I won't settle for less and if that means I have to consequently live the remainder of my life alone then so be it. I've already accepted it and I'm learning how to be content with it. But I also know I have commitment issues, and I won't be loyal to anyone who's not loyal to me. I'm not saying I need to be treated like a Goddess but I also don't want to be treated like some common hoodrat hooker. So whether I don't smoke weed, or that I'm not a size 8 or that I'm only just cute--that's all fine. I rather sleep alone anyway. I'm selfish like that lol. Plus there's no room anyway because the kittens have the other half of the king sized bed. To me that means more than having a half ass man telling me how much he sorta loves me.

Generational Misconduct


Wednesday, January 1, 2014

Kwanzaa | Imani


To believe with all our heart in our people, our parents, our teachers, our leaders, and the righteousness and victory of our struggle.

Even though this is the last day of Kwanzaa, it's still very important. I must say I am very proud to have finally finished a Kwanzaa project!! Uh! It feels good, makes me happy lol. Anyway on with the show right??

This principle has more than just belief in it. It has inspiration and hope and support and many other feelings in it. To have the faith to believe in our people, families, and other important figures to reflect on the victory of our struggles is a beautiful thing. We put our belief and all our emotion into these people around us and that encourages them to do whatever they can to give back not only to you but to everyone around them. Unfortunately not too many people do this and it's kind of sad. Because if we don't have someone to believe in us, we won't have the courageousness to be confident enough to face Life and the World and their obstacles head on and see victory in the end.

I also think when faith is the topic of discussion, people try to associate it with religion. Not saying it doesn't play a major role in religion. However it also plays a role outside of it in every day life. Sometimes having faith in things brings more of a peaceful result than the anxiety associate with hope and the restlessness that follows. I think faith can even be used to show your beliefs and promote them in a positive and non-selfish way.

But in this day and age, many people have lost faith in just about everything, including themselves and it's sad. It's even more difficult to reclaim it and let it brighten up your darkened world. Lost hope and lost faith, promotes a person to become a depressed wanderer. Because of that it's hard to come out of that state of unhappiness. Believe me I know!

I think for the new year, if we have even a small amount of faith and look to rebuild it and replenish it to make our world a little better. I think we can look forward to more of a positive outlook on life and hopefully begin a trend that'll help future generations hold on to their faith and appreciate our struggles in trying to replenish it for them.

Happy Kwanzaa Everyone!

Happy 2014!


It's A New Year


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