Saturday, June 8, 2013

Wooden Dildos

Ok so I was driving through the neighborhood and I happen to pass the place where you dump off garbage, recyclable materials and other things like wood and logs and other things to be thrown away. It's like a multipurpose dump for the city and the community its in.

Well they had these HUGE LOGS like unusually huge!! Call me a sick pervert but I'm like what if, WHAT IF, they made Dildos that big!! Imagine how much fun that would be!! Ladies, it's like seeing the biggest cock ever for the first time. That whole jaw-droppping moment.....yeah it was like that.

Then I pondered, whoa is there such a thing as wooden dildos???

Well I decided to google because this topic was getting the best of my curiosity.
Well I found quite a few things on it!! I must admit I was excited lol.

One store that sells them is in the UK. It's called Wooden Dildos. Is it wrong that I want the Dionysus and Hercules ones?? Hehehe


I found a website which I believe is a blog that gives a nice article on organic wooden dildos, that aren't so anatomically correct and look more like "odf objects" or strange paper weights if you ask me. Head on over to the DesignBoom to see how these wondrous things are made.

Now Private Woodwork has a nice selection of wooden dildos, some are quite similar to the ones on the DesignBoom. One thing that was really nice was that they offer a few key tips on how to pick a correct sized dildo, how to use it because one shouldn't stab the pussy to death that's a no-no. It also offers a few do's and don'ts,and definitely the proper way of cleaning the wooden dildo, because like all wood it can get bacteria and even carry an odor. Click the link above to check it out.

Side Note:  Private Woodwork also informs you that if you decide to use a veggie as a sex toy its not recommended to use it for anal stimulation because things like cucumbers lack a base and the bloody thing can possibly slip all the way up. OUCH!

Now the Smitten Kitten has a small selection of wooden dildos. These are a bit more elaborate than the other places above. The woods are different varieties instead of the default looking oak. I happen to fancy the darker wood. Reminds me of a redwood or mahogany. Unfortunately they're a bit more pricier than the others.

This one blew my mind!! Etsy has a huge selection! Well maybe not like mega-huge but it's pretty ginormous I'll say! Lol!! Not only do they have the good old fashioned ones. But they have colorful ones, I loved the rainbowed dildo and even the black one. The one I loved the most was the wooden strap on dildo. Ugh!! How cool is that!? There's even two tone colored ones and double ended ones that look like spindles from a stair case. Kinky!

Another place I found called NobEssence has a beautiful selection of woods. Actually I bet some of their dildos are absolutely gorgeous! Unfortunately they don't have an online store for purchasing one of these dildos. However they do have a list of online sellers and stores that have NobEssence dildos. One in particular is Eden Fantasy which is a good online store. Oh did I mention they have wooden cock rings?? Quite Fascinating!

The Wood Wang Workshop is another UK store that has a nice selection of dildos. A few of them I saw on Smitten Kitten and Etsy. However they have one I didn't see and that's a wooden dildo with a suction cup!! Uh!! I doubt it would have that holding power like a regular silicone or plastic dildo. But if I'm proven wrong, that's really something to set your sights (and vagina) on hehehe. Another awesome one is the wooden vibrator!! Would it be wrong to name it The Jackhammering Lumber Jack??

There's a place called Secrotica that has a small but unique selection of wooden dildos. These are so awesome some have testicles and the others got legs.....mmm-hmmm!! I don't know what's better, the 19 inched cock or that they look amazingly enticing!! At least they have free shipping.

But the best thing I saw by far about wooden dildos is this wild lawsuit between two lawyers; one refused to attend this naked retreat of penis groping, and passing around a wooden dildo. Poor guy not only got his pay docked, but got in trouble for trying to use his mama as an excuse to not attend such said manly fondly seminar. Instead of call it a Man's Retreat, they should've named it Pass That Dutch. It's hilarious when you read some of the nonsense that went on.

All in all I must after browsing the internet, I was concerned that this was a make believe thing. Because the whole thing that the wood could break or crack or even splinter into the vagina and lord knows elsewhere is a scary thing. But I guess all things come like, Glass Dildos scare ne because they're made of Pyrex glass and recently its been known to break or shatter into a million pieces. If such a thing happened, all the tampon and pad companies would need to make a diaper!! Even more perplexing is how do you explain at the emergency room why your vagina is filled with splinters and broken glass??

Oh, oh that?? Well my vagina is pretty badass it's in like 3 gangs and unfortunately got into a gang war tonight....which I had nothing to do with. I'm just as shock as you are doctor.

So tell me, do any of you own a wooden dildo or vibrator?? Do you like it?? And if you don't would you consider purchasing one??

Unfortunately a wooden vagina has not been made yet. Maybe in the near future this shall change lol.

So Apparently this is the first Sex Machine made out of wood. Imagine your ancestors getting a thrill off this thing lol. 


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