Sunday, June 16, 2013

Equality On Holidays

Usually on holidays I go an buy my mom a card. Just so she knows that I'm thinking about our and to make her happy. Even though she cares more about all the ways she can recycle the envelope. Don't even get me started on that. Yet while I was at the store a week or so ago I couldn't help but be baffled that not one store I visited had a Father's Day Card for Mom. I thought, well why the hell not?? There's so many single an widowed moms and plus the gay community as well?? 

I asked my mom about why they don't have such a car available. She said they were available but only at a card shop. I'm all for showing someone I care, but an hour round trip for a card from Hallmark is a bit much if you ask me. 

I ended up buying a blank card and wrote what I needed and wanted to write in there. I felt that was a bit bias that they would over look such a delicate detail. I'm not saying you got to spend hours thinking about it. But when it crosses your mind do you really take time to focus on it or do you just let it flutter away like a butterfly?

A few days after that, I happen to be on Facebook and noticed that one of the pages I follow had posted this less than appropriate post about how they feel Moms should get cards or acknowledgement on Father's Day because they have Mother's Day. I'm all for that, but think of the kids who don't have a parent for either holiday? Are you going to tell them they can't participate? Or that well that's life kid, get over it?

I honestly thought this was a nice card to see and wish there were more of them. Many children of today's world don't have a real good man as a father. He's lazy, a deadbeat and selfish. Some will never meet him whether its because he wants nothing to with them or he died unexpectedly. Other kids like myself had a father but he died eventually. In my case since I'm not a parent I won't be able to share the same joy I once did. I'll probably never get that opportunity. Then I think, what about the kids with two moms or two dads?? You can only celebrate one holiday because of gender traditionalism?? That's beyond bias and its wrong.

Then I thought about the little girl who lives next door. Her mother had her out of wedlock of course. And the man she claimed to be her dad is a half ass. He comes and goes and recently he hasn't come or visited her in maybe over a year now. One day in May she came home crying, the school bus she rides the attendant told her mom she had a bad day. Well also her mom is pregnant with baby number two by a married guy, which seems to me she's repeating her role again. The little girl's father also had another woman and a child.

Well this poor kid was upset because she said all they did in school that day was talk about plans for Father's Day. She couldn't participate well, because her dad is basically a no show. So she asked her mom to call him up because she wanted to see him. Her mom snapped and cussed her out and asked her why she wanted to do that and the little girl replied was that she missed him. 

I don't think she should've snapped at her. But I also know how she feels. Growing up all they talked about was grandparents this or brothers and sisters that. All I had was my two grandmas, one died when I was 5 and the other died when I was 12. But they were older in the first place. Heck they were 20 years older than my parents so imagine my parents in their 40s. While the other kids their grandparents were in their 40s or 30s even. The thing about siblings was always the topic. I was left out or told I couldn't participate because I didn't have siblings. It wasn't my fault. Or like when they would talk about moving from different houses. I've lived in the same house just about my whole life!! You see what I mean??

I think it's wrong when society picks out things that may feel like the norm because you got 5 people to agree with you. But that doesn't mean that it's the same for everyone. I been to Hawaii, some people haven't, others will never get the chance to go. Some people been to Japan, I would like to go but there's no guarantees. Some have bikes, while others have big wheels. Some have had cake for their birthday while others never know what that's like. Yet we focus so much on a small majority and turn it into a big majority. That in the end the people who aren't the same or don't have or haven't experienced feel inadequate and above all else they're feelings are hurt deeply. They eventually begin to loathe that day or particular something. 

Like Valentine's Day. I dislike that holiday because I never got something from someone for it. I'm not taking about what my parents brought me. But if I buy you a valentine I expect to get one or a dandy or something in return. But that was never the case, yet I had to go to shook and listen to the jargon and boasting and all day chit-chatter of how they got so many gifts for Valentine's Day. 

I personally think that holidays need to be more variety and equality based. No more gender based only holidays like Mother's and Father's Day, no more Valentines day for straight couples only, no more baby sale themed emails sent out only to single people, and definitely no more Family only themed holidays. A lot of people don't have Moms, Dads or Families and some of us are undoubtedly Single. But that doesn't mean you tell us we can't participate and be staunch enough to see that we don't. We have feelings too dammit, and we're tired of seeing the bullshit of how we can't participate. 

I hope one day we can have holidays that is meant for EVERYBODY and not just for special people. This preferential treatment has got to stop. 


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