Now after some thought I finally found out where, what and basically why which is a good thing. Maybe I hope this helps those tweens and teens out there who are pressured about their sexuality and can't really make a decision.
Now I can say as for being a kid, I was straight and was perfectly ok with it. Then I wasn't exposed to much sexuality debates like you are now. Back then, bisexuality was like a Pokemon and Homosexuals were more silent than your cell phone could ever be.
I recall being a tweenie, coming into my young girlhood and finding out that you have hormones that makes you attracted to some and vice versa. That's usually how it goes lol. I remember back in Catholic school I had a crush on a boy there, because I had such a pea-brain I assumed he liked me. Wasn't the case, and as far as things went, I was just another movable piece of building that magically talked for some odd reason. But wanting to be wanted by the boys is a difficult task, hell too many girls and the boys are all fighting over for the other girls.
Well I decided not to lose hope and continued to Junior High School where I thought there would be at least one boy to like me. Well there was, but he was so wishy washy, I honestly think now all he wanted was to raise his limited education on sex by hooking up with as many girls as possible. Even when I asked him if we were going to, he said I would say yes no matter when he asked me. Yeah he got on my nerves and got ignored quickly. I'll even go as far to say he may have been my first kiss, can't guarantee that lol. Sorry! But I do know as far as getting semi-intimate with anybody back then, it was him. However he wasn't who I lost my virginity to. That was a summer fling that was almost like a long lost déjà vu type of dream. As I got comfortable with being at a new school for a fourth time, I began to notice that a lot of the girls were overly developed. They had the biggest boobs and ass for weeks! Like it wasn't normal, it makes me appreciate the crazy proportioned women in anime now that I'm older. Not only did fighting to get some guys's attention become harder, but I was also ridiculed for being flat chested and having no ass of whatsoever. A piece of 2x4 wood had more curves than I did. It was tragic. Yet I couldn't help it and no matter what I stuffed my bra with, it didn't make my poor barely B-cup boobs any bigger. Also on the same token a lot of the girls when I was in high school either had kids or were already pregnant at some point and had an abortion. So that's the only viable reason I can come up with to why they looked the way they did.
Even in high school, same story, same problem, same result. I guess it was around my 9th grade year, maybe when I was about 15 or so. I began to wonder what a relationship would be like with a girl. Like intimate like one you would have with a man but with a woman the whole while still considering myself as straight. Unfortunately even back then, they made you choose between being gay or straight. In my case I began to felt uncomfortable in both areas. The more and more I considered this thought of being with women, made me wonder if in fact was I homosexual or was I confused. More like overly bi-curious. Why? Well after being rejected by just about all the boys at school, I diverted my attention else where. I never really was attracted to any of the girls at school. Not one comes to mind really. So in the midst of all of this, it wasn't until I met my one friend's older sister. I love her personality, her attitude was feisty and she had a gorgeous shape. Skin the color of Nutella, plus she was so mature, I couldn't help but be attracted and say I want to be like her. Then I found myself genuinely attracted to her. I loved talking to her on the phone and always enjoyed every moment I could see her. She was one of the main reasons why I got a tongue ring, because she had one.
Later, I found myself talking to homosexual females. What I didn't know then, they don't really approve if you want to play both fields. However they don't like it if you say things like:
I'm thinking about being gay since it seems like no guy is attracted to me.
Oh my goodness they will fly off the handle like a crazy person! I found more and more women who were gay like that. When I got to college one of my first friends there was bisexual and I loved him to death. He really made me happy. We were best of friends, shame that time makes you lose contact with some really great people though. However with the same kind of hope, that some guy will like me, I went to college thinking that it's ok to have a want or be curious about things every now and then. When I ended up with guys still not being attracted to me like the way they fawned over the other girls and did whatever to get their attention. I found myself diverting my attention again. Then I questioned if I was bisexual or not. By then my friend had left the college and we were beginning to lose contact and I really couldn't ask him any questions like I wanted to. So I kept that thought to myself.
It wasn't until 2009, when this guy was forcing me to move to Georgia and build this life with him. At first I was attracted and genuinely interested. He never asked me out or said hey lets hook up. Nothing. Then I found out he was "keeping his options open," and also me moving into a house with his mother and sister living there was a VERY BAD IDEA. So as I was talking to one of my bestest friends, and telling her how I felt, she told me well just embrace it and let it go, so what who cares? For the first time I felt like I could be myself. It was a nice day that day I was talking to her and it was the end of April. I couldn't help but turn my gaze away from the blossoming trees, pond and nature scenery—a beautiful sight—to look at this girl who's skin was slightly tanned, jet black hair and the most mesmerizing blue eyes I had ever seen. She had this mind blowing shape for a white girl and wore her yoga pants—well. I was happy. I enjoyed every moment of it, and if she wondered or looked at me funny, I didn't care and felt so much better.
Now believe it or not I did "come out" to my mom, that summer. Watching TV and they made mention that Megan Fox was bisexual. It seemed like a lot of people were displeased but I agreed happily. My mom asked me if I was bisexual and I told her yes and she said ok. Recently I jokingly told her I was gay and she said well if you're happy I'm happy. She doesn't fully approve of it, only because it's taboo and not what's said in whatever old book of whoever. But I don't care and carry on anyway lol. But it doesn't mean that it's that easy for everybody though.
It wasn't until last year when someone questioned my decision and told me that I was a closeted gay too afraid to come out, plus I was sexually confused and would never come to a happy medium. Honestly I was hurt! That was a like a blow to my heart. You questioned who I was as a person as far as I was concerned. Then when I found out how Lesbians felt about bisexuals, I was not only shunned but I had a new found outlook on them as a whole. I'm not saying all lesbians are like that, but look at it this way. Lesbians refuse to be in an intimate relationship with a bisexual woman. The reason being is because they don't like that she's still attracted to men and that at some point she's going to flip flop. Or how it's just a phase to get over, or that bisexual women aren't the type of women to be in a committed relationship with another woman. The stuff they come up with is crazy. I respect them and their decision but if you don't like straight people telling you should be straight and intimate with a man. You shouldn't be telling a bisexual woman that she needs to either be straight or gay. That's just as wrong! I dislike them for that. Sorry nothing personal, just saying how I feel.
I found out while finding a woman to be intimate with was hard and they put on too many unnecessary demands as far as being bisexual. I couldn't stand it, I then found out it's best to find other bisexual women to be intimately involved with for the sake of all things.
However, maybe that's not the say for other bisexuals. But I know for me, I am attracted to both men and women. They both give me a ladyboner and I can mentally switch back and forth between the two and still stay aroused. I fell in love with a man and I've also been in love with a woman. I enjoyed both for different reasons and I'm happy I got to experience both. There are things that both men and women do that make me angry and I want to be asexual or no-sexual lol. However that's what happens when a personality is conflicted. Even now being out as a bisexual for 4 years, over all being mentally bisexual for over 10 years, I wouldn't change my decision and I enjoy every moment of it. I don't care what people say or if they judge me. I feel comfortable, I don't have to hide or feel ashamed. I'm not confused and I can honestly admit that I'm attracted to both males and females equally. I'm even attracted to transsexuals there's nothing wrong with that either.
So think about it, I was bisexual 6 years before I decided to embrace and accept the notion. Also on the same token, I guess I'm a Bisexual with a dash of Pansexuality. That too is fine by me lol. For those of you that were wondering or confused, you've heard it straight from the Bunny's mouth. Oh and yes I will be posting cute little Bi-Pride buttons on the Goodies Page!
I hope that we can get more bisexuals who aren't afraid or find it taboo to come out about say:
HEY WE DO EXIST!! WE'RE NOT LIKE OUT COUNTERPARTS WHO ARE CONFUSED AND GOING THROUGH AN APPARENT PHASE!!
But that's all in due time right??