Sunday, September 30, 2012

Rockabye Deal #6


So Zulily is having another sale!!

Rockabye is on zulily starting tomorrow (10/1) through 10/8 for up to 60% off. The sale starts at 6AM PST!!

To view this awesome deal click here!!

Don't forget to sign up to Zulily for other great deals for Moms, babies and kids galore!!

Happy Rocking!!

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American Issues Of Mine

Sometimes I have to say that America is a very twisted place. They judge you based on 3 numbers, want know how your history or past reflects the present and future. And feel that if don't have a certain piece of paper, then not only are you illiterate but you're consider poor.

Do they do anything about it??

Nah the rich needs to stay rich to boost their lower than low self esteem.

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The Night(mare) Before Dieting

Now most people prep themselves in such a matter when starting a new diet. Not I, says the Rabbit. Why?? Because that's a whole lot of wasted energy and good brain cells (what's left of them). So therefore what I've been doing for the past 2-3 weeks have been pigging out on my favorites and foods considered to be a Big No No in the diet world of exceptional health.

Why?? Because I wanted to be able to have what I wanted and then not have to beat myself up about it later on about not having what I wanted. Or slip up and eat the very thing that could not only Jeopardize my progress but have me fail miserably when that's not what I planned on doing. So I feel if I pigged out and got what I wanted I won't have to be a creeper about wanting it later.

So what exactly am I doing the night before my diet?? Eating pizza themed items, chicken wings and potato soup with as much caffeine a girl can get!! Why?? Because its like a celebration to me for me. I'm embarking on not only a better Me, but a healthier and maybe even happier lifestyle where food and health are concerned. The main reason why I finally decide to do so was because I was tired of seeing tons and tons of cute clothes that never fit me and didn't even have a good fat people knock-off. I was disgusted. If I want the rainbow jeans I have to pay damn near $100 if not more and then they don't last long anyway. So wasted money one terrible quality clothing [Read: Diet-ing??].

Now the way I've decided to go about this isn't the most healthiest nor would I recommend it to anybody. But we all have way of losing weight. If you don't know you have to find out what those are. For me when I mentioned this in the No Matter What They Say post, the best way I lost weight was by fasting or basically starving myself. I did so as a teenager. I was hurt to called Peachy Fat by my dad lol so I went into anorexic mind set and refused to eat. I slowly loss weight and was happy. Then while taking time between extracurricular activities, not only did I lose more weight but my body felt better and stronger and I was happy. Unfortunately I turned into a bulimic for a short time period. Because I wasn't eating anything that I ate would make me sick and I would have to throw up. Well it made since. I stopped eating for about 4 years or so. Because I was so sick, and was being bullied and picked on. I turned to ice cream and gained the weight back in no time. So think about it....started at a size 22 dropped down to an 18 then limboed between 11 & 12 before finally get down to an 8. Only to jeopardize it and blow back up to an 18 quicker than it really took me to lose the weight.

This time I'm a lot older, a little bit more confident and I have better mind set. I may love to eat but I definitely don't want to be a size 83 all my life lol. So I need to take control and fix that. I do it the best way I know how. All the health foods and diets are lovely but very expensive and we've gotta work with what we got ok!! But this time I decided to focus more on my problem areas like the tummy, hips, thighs and arms (a bucket of chicken if you will lol). So I've decided I'll fast for the whole month of October and see where that leaves me. Then work hard between November and December. I'm hoping to be between a size 6 or 8 by Christmas. If I make it, then work on being and STAYING that size—the healthy way of course. If not then that means I need to work that much harder and keep up the good work. I'm not about to let anybody sway me or tell me different. This is for a better an happier me. Plus I still have one more thing to prove in the near distant future lol.

So as far as tonight goes. I'm going to go home and be ugly and stuff my piggy face and go to bed happy. So I can wake in the morning with the right frame of mind ^_^.

Wish me luck!! I'll also be giving day to day updates when I can too lol.

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A Parent's Worse Nightmare


Poor Girl Was Scared For Her Life


Don't we all love football season :D lol

Saturday, September 29, 2012

Glowing Bones

Soo to kick of October because it my favorite month that hold my favorite holiday I thought I'd do Halloween themed nails.

Great idea I know lol.

Well because I'll be super busy on the 1st, I decided to start off early and do the first one!!

I picked the Numbskull

And I decided to up the ante and add a dash of glow in the dark to it lol. I used Pure Ice Glow in the Dark

Thus resulting in the most awesomeness ever seen!!

How you like me now?? Lol

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Approachable, Much??

So while I'm here at the Giant Eagle picking up a few groceries, I decided to see if they had anything good at the Hot Foods Bar. I saw a group of men standing there chit-chatting and picking up different things. Well the one stops and looks at me all awe struck and I'm thinking ok.

I made a quick pit stop to check out the bar and not much held my interest there so I moved on. As I was browsing the awe struck man came up to me and well....

Him: Um, excuse me I just couldn't help myself, you have such a pretty face and had to come over to say something to you.

Bunny: Ok...

Him: That's a very cute phone case by the way.

Bunny: Thank you.

Him: Um, but I wanted to ask you a question.....Um is your name Lisa??

Bunny: No, it's not.

Him: Oh oh ok. I'm so sorry to have bothered you, excuse me.

Did I miss something?? I wondered. Not only did him asking if my name was Lisa throw me off, but he was so nervous and uncomfortable it kind of concerned me. Not to mention I had to wonder I have on a shirt that's not necessarily squeaky clean but it keeps my wife beater from flashing my boobs to everybody lol. I'm in shirt and jeans with a messy hair bun. If that doesn't scream unattractive I don't know what else could!! Then I wondered when he looked all awe struck from earlier did the guys he was paling around with coach him on to come and talk to me. Then I had to wonder was I not as approachable as I think I am?? Do I come off as being unapproachable??

Hmm, I guess I won't ever find out the answer to those. At least not right now :).

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Sometimes Initiative Is Key


An Internet Fight

So, I'm browsing the internet earlier today and I come across this picture on Facebook that was hosted from another site. I click and look and it's talking about the supposed process women take to put on underpants which isn't true in the least bit. Whoever does so has some serious issues to correct in their life. Anyway I'm reading the comments after I made mine, and I see this even in the world of abbreviate "internet" and text talk was just down right horrid. Well here's what happened:
Her: I don't even go thru tht process.. r they clean yes...put them on... do I plan on gettin some 4m the new bf match them wit bra n socks n maybe whole I plan on gettn some 4m bf tht ive been wit 4 over a yr its watever...BTW not sayin I have more than 1 bf I was comparin new bfs n old need 2 make an effort 2 look sexy 4 him n weve been 2gether 4 a yr or more anytime u put on the sexy panties is 4 holidays bdays n anniversaries or wat ever else special occasion yall mite make up. 
Bunny: Are you spelling "for" or "from" because either way it's wrong. I'm just saying, and I don't disapprove you having more than one bf either ^_^. 
Her: Bunny Ramsey 1st of all plz dnt try 2 correct me its da internet nobody spells correctly or uses long wrds we abbreviate or speak IM on da internet unless were tryin 2 b smart n prove others lyk u rong.... 2ndly its "from" n i live n al n we all rite like tht..your simply jus tryin 2 pick so i refuse 2 go off on u 4 ur stupidity sooooo wit tht bein said please find some1 else 2 try n pick a web fite wit thanxx much love 4m mii
Bunny: I understand internet talk and abbreviated words. I can even understand "4" but "4m" isn't from. I'm hardly illiterate darling, taking note from you I'd say you're the stupid one. Even AL would be disappointed knowing that you're representing them so poorly. I wasn't picking on you I clearly asked a question. I know I'm not wrong I didn't fail English in school nor college. I just hope God Forbid you aren't anybody's mother because I personally feel sorry for any kid you have when they start school. In closing, darling you can go fuck yourself because I really don't give a damn about your or your retarded way of spelling ^_^. 
Her: Bunny Ramsey apparently u dont understand internet slang not note passn slang jus so u kno i am not misrepresentn al thts how we used 2 send notes 2:??? 4m:??? n im far 4m stupid i passd english bitch wit an a like i said ur jus tryin 2 pick bitch n i aint the 1.... n u need 2 learn how 2 ask ?s wit out bein such a smart ass bitch about them.... n yes bitch i am some1s damn mother (insert arrow here) as u can fuckn c...u aint dealin wit no dumb white bitch dont let my profile pic fool ya bitch.... n bitch my child e fuck atleast i am somebodys mama u dont even look worthy enuff 2 b anybodys mother...2 b fuckd or 2 b anybodys last resort bitch u aint even rape worthy u jus look like some ugly pathetic lonely nerd bitch i bet ur still a virgin... bitch i feel sorry 4 ANY kid u become a parent 4....well if u dont even a fuck then get ur ugly bitch ass off my damn comment n shut THE fuck up... o n by the way maybe u need 2 go fuck ur self simply cuz u look like u wont come close 2 any dick n ur entire life u low life lonely wanna b smart dipstick wanna fuck cant fuck cuz u 2 damn ugly lookn as retarded bitch.....ahhhh n boom goes the dynomite!!!! 
Bunny: well while you were passing notes in class, I was getting an education so excuse me for not being in the "in crowd." I did ask a question, if you know it or not "4m" can represent FORM or FORUM. So that's why I asked. By the way your arrow's in the wrong place and I don't know what made you think your baby could be half white in the first place. This wasn't about sex, but that clearly explains how you got knocked up with your community pussy. No for your information I'm not a virgin, but I'm not a ho either. I actually respect my body unlike you. No I don't want any kids, I refuse to bring another idiot like you into the world. Oh when did you graduate college?? You're not even internet trade school material with you so called Straight-A Student lol. You crack me up! But I ain't so lonely now am I since you are talking to me hahahahahaha XD you're really dumb lmfao.
Did I just get called stupid for spelling correctly?? Excuse the fuck outta me, but I'm pretty sure any person would take "4m" as FORM or FORUM. Then, she a baby mama. I already dislike dumb broads like her because the job industry is telling me this bitch is better candidate for any job more so than I am and I busted my ass in college for 4 years. What the hell is this world coming to?? But either way, I can't help but laugh at the shit, intelligence present or not. She been stupid and will raise her child stupid. She's a product of her mother's stupidity and she'll be her daughter's future burden. Bitch just don't know I write every fucking day and I think I'm more well-endowed in the department of English than she.

 Oh so now my problem is because I don't get laid as often as she did. WOW!!! This bitch has got me entertained for the night XXDDDD CTFU!! I'm sorry but my vagina is not meant for the whole community.

 Is that not the funniest shit?? XD

If you want to see everything then CLICK HERE :D lol.



Friday, September 28, 2012



Lottery Debauchery

Ok some old chick is mad because she didn't win anything on her scratch ticket. Her old man is like best day to hit (the numbers) is Wednesday. She's like well I thought I could hit something TADAY!!!

My input: Well yea a lot of people wish they were getting laid tonight too.....what's your point??

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I've Been Called Worse


Thursday, September 27, 2012

Ice Cream Fail


Paper Gangsta

So I decided to title this after one of Lady Gaga's song off The Fame album. I decided to change the title because this song kind of reflects how I feel about this particular subject I'm going to write.

I don't know what's wrong with people who feel if you aren't married or have at least one kid by 25 you not only have a Santa's list of things wrong with you. But you've also apparently failed at being a woman, as well being useless to society otherwise. I understand its best to start your life early and make things work while you have the time frame and thought process to carry out strenuous tasks, correct problems and deal with the consequences. I get that. As of lately, not just my mother and family, but everyone has been on my ass about getting married. Asking why I'm not married....well shit if I knew the answer to that I wouldn't single now would I?? That's the thing, I'm not looking to be married or to spend the rest of my life with someone. Most men don't settle until they're in their mid-40s. I don't want to wait 20 years for some guy who may just want a fling instead, or may not want kids but by then it'll be hard to even fathom children in the first place. I just don't have the patience to do so. Then, I already had my heart broken, not once but twice and a third time would be way to hard and difficult and I just can't risk that again. Even if I wanted to try hard and go for it, if it fails no ones going to be there to comfort me and tell me it's going to be ok.

All this made sit there and write Indisputably the other day. I'm tired of always see-sawing my flaws and who I am as a woman with these men who can't make up their minds and stick with that thought and see it through from start to finish.

I would like to think my parents raised a lady who was not only marriage material but I understood what a good relationship was and how it should be. However when I was trusted into the real world expecting my fairy tale ending. I got more straight to video and only available in certain countries type endings that were sad, dramatic and faker than Barbie herself. I'll be honest and say I didn't understand it, and I still don't. I will say I know sex is an important form of physicality between two people and it shows how much you care and connect with that person. Says even more when a child is born from such a beautiful union. However if its just foreseen as an exercise and nothing more but pleasurable for him and him alone then I don't need to participate. You're not going to even attempt to try hard and appease me. But that's how selfish people act and do.

Now I had some guy from across the waters who told me we going to meet someday and one day we would wed. I told him no and I wasn't interested. After what took at least 10 tries before he understood. He felt that I was going to move to where he was, and marry him. Because he said I needed to be changed to hat he liked and it was going to be done all for his love of me. HELL NO!! That's number one and number two I'm not marrying you, you will not make me into something I'm not, you will not force me to love you. Not only was he taking my choice and option to love someone but he's outfitting my life and me as a person to suit his preferences. It pissed me off. Me was belligerent and crazy and I'm happy he finally got the pictures and leaves me the hell alone for good. I mean how do you meet someone and the you're head over heels in love with them and want to marry them?? Like I said I think they just want a green card and think all American girls are stupid or dumb.

A few months back, I came across this article about how if a woman isn't married with kids by 30 she's failed at life [Read: “Any Woman Over 30 With No MAN Or No KIDS Has FAILED At Life”]. But like the woman said who wrote it, marriage isn't meant for everybody and it shouldn't be treated like everyone has to do it. I for one think its become over rated and making people crazy. How can you blame a woman for not being married when the men are the ones giving more than mixed signals?? And when the fuck did Life become school?? I didn't know we were going to be graded on our very existence. It makes me sick to know people in this world actually use this as a predetermined judgement against all women.

I'm in agreement that not all men are bad. However when you have more than less of the majority fucking it up for all men and those that are good or worth it are picking up the wrong women. Yes it creates a negative visual image. I think instead of us to go by looks, traits or personality characteristics. They should inform us that people aren't perfect, pick the person you want based on compatibility and stability. Never say that one night of fun won't become a nightmare because it will and it can. However that's not the case and we're influenced not only by the wrong things but by things that shouldn't be conveyed to the public in the first places. Like this:

Genesis 3:16
Unto the woman he said, I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception; in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children; and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee.

I thought this was an interesting excerpt from the bible. That a woman's sorrow is to multiply as well as her conception and bring forth children. Her only desire should be her husband whom will rule over her. Not to be rude to those who are religious. But I find this not only offensive but really fucked up. So because eve ate the apple, you made her have the ability to have kids, to only love one man and that man is to tell her what to do because he is her king or ruler??? I'm sorry but I just can't accept that bull. I mean it's allowed for a man to take on multiple partners if marriage isn't prohibited. But wrong for a woman to do the same and if they did the repercussion was death by stoning. What kinds of sense does that make?? Maybe it's me since I'm not full believer in religion and not that I'm judging. It just seems to more hypocritical than sanctified.

I wish people would get off this marriage and relationship kick. Stop blaming those who are single, we didn't become single on our own. We didn't become bitter on our own either. No one seems to have an answer when you've even lied to, betrayed or abused in any way form. No one knows how to help pick of the piece of what's left of your heart an put them back together and correct your tarnished life. You definitely can't get those years you've wasted back either. Maybe for the future children's sake they get past this being a requirement to live life out here on planet Earth and let them grow and become who they were meant to be and then worry about finding the perfectly imperfect person to love and cherish them until the end of time. Definitely lay off the fairy tales. However until then, I don't want none of these Paper Gangsters.

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Well I decided after many man months of speculation that I am going to diet lol. I guess my snapping point was either between the horrible heat rash I got and the fact I saw a bunch of cute clothes that no only were made for but will never fit a ginormous ass like mine.

I had mention awhile back when I wrote No Matter What They Say, that I was going to diet my way. I originally thought I would take my time and do it slowly. However since I love to eat more than life loves to screw with people, that created a few problems and hindrances. So I kept putting it off and putting off and saying one day because I am a procrastinator like my Father. When I went to the Kmart and noticed all the cute clothes and then I put this together:

I got mad because not only would I never be a six 6 but the clothes for the bigger women were so unattractive and visually displeasing I instantly got pissed and said FUCK IT ALL. I'm starting a diet October 1st. I'm really determined this time about doing this. The thought of getting another summer heat rash and on my arm again is too much!! Seems like I had one every damn year to the point it hurts like hell! I also don't want to wear ugly plum fat lady jeans with a black turtle neck. I want to be able to buy panties and bras and clothes galore that fit without a problem or it ripping or tearing. Sad thing is I'm not that big, but those that are big or just plain big and gawky they find their Circus Tiny outfit some gosh damn where but won't disclose any information. Ain't that about bitch???

Anyway kids, I plan on starting my Diet on October 1st no ifs, ands or buts about it. I plan on writing all this down too so I can later look back and say hey I did this for, look at the struggles and aren't they well paid off?? Lol. Well maybe not so fancy but close enough. I also hope that those of you struggling with weigh loss issues will find it comforting to know there's a Fat Bunny over here trying for the hundredth time again lol. Maybe you can try too. I'm not an exercise fanatic and I failed gym. But either way I'm still going to try and focus on my problem areas more than anything ^_^.

My goal is that by Christmas I'm either a size 6 or size 8. If I get close enough then I know I did good and if not that means I've got to work that much harder ^_^.

So wish me luck when October comes :D!!

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IDC [I Don't Care]


The Ramsey Rabbit

So from time to time, I take time out every other day to google myself. Mostly to see what's out there or check on how the website pops up when it's googled. You know nothing outrageous or strenuous.

So this morning I decided whilst I was googling to look at images too. Thanks to MySpace everybody would know who I am lmao!! I found a few pictures I had posted on here, Pinterest and other such said social media networks. Well I come across this "thing" and not only was I shocked by the name, I was just as disturb by what it was in the first place.

Well here's a picture of it:

Women you know exactly what this is. Everyone else you see a cute little purple rabbit right?? Yes that's what they want you to think. So this thing is known as the Ramsey Rabbit and its a sex toy if you haven't figure that out by now. It's a bullet vibrator at that. One, why or how err what the hell?? What's up with the NAME??? OMG. It's one thing to see a cute little bunny sex toy, but to find one that has damn near the same name as you do??? Shit this is worse than the Ramses Condoms!!!!

Ok so here's the original website I found this crazy thing on. Since this is so gosh damn foreign to me I decided to google the bloody thing and dammit my favorite store has it!!! Spencer's has the damn thing (available online only which why I didn't flip a long time ago) for just a mere $30! Here's the link.

Like I really don't know what to say about this. This is just too much for me and I'm just disturbed and a little messed up this morning over this witchcraft!

I'm gonna need a nap and something else to get out of this mental anguish this morning....

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Wednesday, September 26, 2012

Mega Friend Zoned


Heeeeeyyy Sexy Lady!! 2

Click Here For Part 1

I decided to google a bit more on Ponies doing the Gangnam Style and when I saw Scootaloo, I just knew I'd find one eventually of all three of the Cutie Mark Crusaders kicking it like there was no tomorrow!!!!

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Dear Ladies,

I know you don't have a penis and all. But like, would it kill you to aim your ginormous ass when you pee?? Piss was everywhere but the toilet bowl like dafuq is that about??



Heeeeeyyy Sexy Lady!!

I thought this was hilarious seeing Applebloom doing the Gangnam Style XD

Oppa Gangnam Style
Oppa Gangnam Style 2
Bunny's Gangnam Style

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It's said that expectations can be the very thing that causes pain and heartache to any person. Whether its High Expectations or Low Expectations—it'll still bring forth some type of pain.

I for one, I'm tired of living up to everyone's expectations. They're not at a suitable point and are so far fetched and out of reach, it's foreseen I'd fail even before I begin the struggle. I get tired, even when I say what I can do or tell me how good and worth it I am. It goes in one ear and out the other. However the funny about it is, these expectations are more of a reflection of themselves and not of me.

Like when my mom gets upset because I'm not domestically inclined. Well I'm sorry I'm not like you, I feel cooking is an unnecessary trait to have if your cooking for yourself all the time. Not saying I want to be praised all the time. But damn, am I suppose to get excited after all that hard work?? I rather take a nap instead and even after the nap I'd probably get pissed at the thought of all the hard work that went into that meal and I got nothing in return but food so I can stay alive yet another day in this wretched life is more than displeasing.

Or like how people tell me to get a job or go back to school. They're not offering to be a reference or give me a nice little budge in the door to a job. Not even forking out a cool couple hundreds for education. But they expect me to act like an adult and take care of myself. Well I can't if no ones going to offer me the help nor the opportunity.

That's like saying well if you just into the ocean, you'll learn how to float and swim. That's not necessarily true. It's not impossible either. For such said phenomenon to happen, you would have needed to go into the ocean as a baby to swim like a fish without any problems, no fear, no mistakes. However if that never happened as a child, and you jump in the ocean, not only is body dead weight but through the panicking and realization of death, swimming is near next to the impossible right then and there. However that person can learn to swim if someone else takes the patience and time to give them that boost they need. For you know that person may become a better swimmer oppose to the one swimming since birth.

People make these expectations seem easy as slicing pie. But none want to help in the process of getting the pie out of the tin, nor help you when the pie falls apart or slams down to the floor.

I find it amusing they can hold so much gloat with expectations but yet won't offer a helping hand or a little bit of good positive advice to you. They in fact turn rude and negative and criticism your whole outlook on the situation and give you cite anecdotal tidbits of how they would hand the situation and make it through. But that's the thing, it's not about you. It's about me, lets focus on me and my strengths and those things I'm capable of doing. I think if more people took time out to do that and help enrich each other more than bring or thrown them down to the ground, the world could possibly be a better place.

Even then, I'm expecting a lot right there now aren't I??

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Something Like A Lighter

Lover + Fighter = Lighter (because I think Fover wouldn't sound right lol)


We are all born with talents that aren't discovered or unleashed until we grow older. Some of us discovers ones early one and feel the need to spout that this is what we're good at. We know this area more than anybody else and we practiced this to make it perfection. But then one day we realize that we're not all we seem to be. We're a fisçade of our true self. We find out that we're good at things that most wouldn't consider. Even you, yourself never really consider this. The more you indulge yourself into this new found talent, you find out you enjoy it, damn good at it. It adds another pieces to the completion of your world. What makes you. When you find out these things. Hold on tight and keep them close to your heart. Never let people sway or stray you from this. It'll be one of the many best things to happen in your life.

Tuesday, September 25, 2012


I have a serious problem when a single man tells me I'm not good enough because sick meaningless petty crap like being way too fat or because I won't suck his penis. However on the other hand, the men who are taken are telling me I'm so wonderful. I'm pretty, gorgeous, beautiful galore. How any man would be happily overjoyed to have a woman like me in his life. How I'm soooo worth it and I better than the rest, even his significant other—

Then I can't help but think that.....well for the single guy ill never be good enough for him to want me. For the taken guy I'm too good enough and I basically interfere with what he already has. But both have one thing in common, I'm only good enough at the moment when sex becomes a necessity over a want or desire. That's when I become important. However other than that, I'm more useless than a movie extra with no parts and only half of a second screen time.

To me, in all honesty, it makes no sense. One says I'm not worth it, the other says I am. However in the underlying dialogue....neither truly wants me. In my opinion that's what hurts the most. Then people wonder why I have such a hard on about hating love, life and relationships, hmmph.

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This is my kinda of dog

Sunday, September 23, 2012

Justin Beiber Coma

I know I'll be hated for this, but I really don't give a crap ^_^

I Keep On Falling


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Black Roses

While Other Girls wish for appropriately colored Roses.
I want the one only a Man can find—
The Blackest Rose, warms my ice cold heart ;)...

The other day I stopped at the Walgreens to pick up a few things. And I had noticed they've decorated their store with Halloween decor like all the other stores who go buck wild during holiday season. While browsing the holiday inspired candy and whatnots. I happened to noticed this little display that held Fake Black Roses that were glistened in purple or red glitter. For that split moment I couldn't help myself but to reminisce.

About a year or so into college, my parents took me grocery shopping at Walmart. Since Halloween is my favorite holiday I always flock towards the candies, costumes and decor galore section of the store. I happen to by pass these black roses. I couldn't help but be mesmerized by them. The petals were tinted an unusual purple. No glitter, no sparkle. Just a plain black rose with purple kissed tips. They were absolutely gorgeous. So knowing I'd be over there my parents came to look for me. The funny thing is I've never been trick or treating not ever in my whole life. But I was always fascinated with Halloween.

My father asked me what I was looking at I said black roses. Because that sound so peculiar to him, he came to look. I said to him aren't they just gorgeous?? He said no, why would they be?? Well it's not everyday you see a black rose and one that's so beautifully made to look like the real thing. So he said ok and told me it was time to go. I couldn't help but smile at that bouquet of black roses that sat beautifully in the middle of the aisle in their display.

So a few days after that I was studying in my dorm. My dad paid me an unexpected visit. He told me he had brought me some goodies and whatnots. I buzzed in our building and he came up. He stood there at my door smiling holding two of the black roses we saw at the Walmart. He told me they were marking things down in preparation of the holiday season and Christmas was soon approaching. Even though they both cost 50¢ each. Just the thought of him thinking about me and wanting to make me happy made me very happy. To this very day I still have my black roses. Wrapped up and in a safe place.

I was snapped out of my reminiscent thoughts by a wild balloon that bopped me upside the head lol. But I felt happy for a little while and thought of how great of man my dad really was. Most men buy you red roses whether they're your favorite or not. But no he always aimed to please and I guess his work was well received when he could get the one he loved to smile as wide as mile. Then that feeling turned bittersweet, because its sad to think that I won't find another guy like that. If I do, he'll be married off to someone else.

Eh! Either way I still have my black roses from a man who I loved more than life itself.

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Shopaholics Have Limits


Taurascope As If!!

So my horoscope told me yesterday that I would fall deeply in love with my "partner" because he was going to propose marriage to me and everything would be fine and dandy.

Now for today (Sunday) it says that my "partner" is feeling some type of way basically and I need to give them space because if I don't, I'll be interrupting them and get my feelings hurt.

Like damn could you make up your mind?? My horoscope is sounding more tsundere than anything! Good Grief

|( ̄3 ̄)|

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A Woman's Worth

Its sad to find out that as you grow up in life as a woman. That you don't hold much value to society. The only ones who hold a small portion are celebrities, delegates, and royals (the small few who do still exist). But even going through school, making it through college means nothing. You're seen as nothing more than a prostitute who aids in bringing humans into the world, cooking in the kitchen and being Man's bitch, or one of his many bitches. Your judge by your appearance, social status, and even petty things like small beauty enhancements.

But when all that work is wasted and you're seen only a sex toy. It's far more degrading, it's hurtful like hell. It's like saying I went through hell, just to be some man's (if not many men's) play thing, because I hold no other value. Why even bring women into existence if that's how we are treated??

Some would call what my neighbor does: degrading, lewd and no woman in her right mind would consider "that" as a line of work. She's apparently selling her body to get clothes, month and drugs amongst other things. However sometimes in this day and age, you've got to use what you've got to get what you want. If that includes you selling your body to do so, I can't hardly disagree—

I've even considered it. I feel useless knowing I busted my ass in school and college. Then got nothing in return. Can't get a job, can't go back to school. Then because of where I lived and was raised and the color of my skin...society automatically considers me a statistic. I got a house full of kids, I'm on the welfare and I ain't nothing more than a chicken headed hood rat. It's even worst when people talk down to me and act like I'm stupid or don't have any manners or etiquette. The men. I don't understand how all these men say their marriages and relationships are great but expect to get some new pussy on the side. It amazes me how the unavailable men are overly available and the single men are unavailable.

I don't want to be considered a whore or prostitute. But if that's something I have to do to make it in the world then I have no choice. But the whole while I wish to be respected. I'm nobody's play thing nor do I want to be a side chick or a fuck toy.

But it's hard. When no one respects you, or feels you're worth something spectacular. You begin to feel the same exact way about yourself as they do. What's so sad—if you became the very thing they say you are....the treatment won't stop. You'll just be proving them right. I personally think its up to the woman herself to come out of that and come out a better woman. Not some sometimey happy meal ho.

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Clueless About Autumn

Soo after what usually takes one day that turned into a week. I finish got my nailed filled and polished up good for the new Season!!

I love fall and winter so much!! Makes me happy. Even though it feels like we're going to have a bad winter. It's worth it. Means I can be in the house and blog that much more hahaha. Anyway to kick off the new season, I decided to do something interesting. It's not yet time for October and I thought anything Halloween themed would be a bit much. So I found this cute argyle design by Sally Hansen called Sweet Tart-An. But I'm not a huge lover of pink and I knew I needed a back up. While I was out I found this nice champagned color. It's called Raise A Glass.

Here's a picture of them (and other colors you might be interested in! Lol):

Thank goodness I found a picture that had both colors on there lol. Makes my blog life that much easier. I liked how these two looked together. I originally wanted to use rhinestones, but changed my mind when I remembered I had brown colored beads. Hot Damn we've got a Homerun!! Lol

Thus creating this:

For the awkward looking cut on the ring and index fingers. I actually used a piece of cardboard that had this curved like edge. I place the edge how I wanted (next best thing would be to trace it with an eyeliner pencil or permanent marker felt tip pen), cut it and placed it on the already covered nail. Then I got my beads and put them on by polish like I usually do. I didn't use glue this time to secure them, so not only did they move a couple fell off. Plus the brown color was fading off due to the Seche Vite top coat. Either way, I think it's a jive start off to Fall. I like it very very much :D!

How about you dolls?? I would've loved it if it could've been a blue argyle instead ;D haha!

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Friday, September 21, 2012

A Note To Klein

I'mma be honest and say I understand where Klein is coming from first and for most. People don't understand how hard it is to swallow and accept defeat. No matter how hard you try and no matter what you did. It's not accept and it's not worth it. And to have society hound you for not being a productive adult. How do you do that when society stomps you for every effort you've made. It's really sad and I feel sorry for him. Desperate Times call for Desperate Measures. I just hope he's able to find the peace and happiness he's looking for. Life has become more than just a Bitch. Even Bitches have good days lol. But this has become ridiculous. I just hope the authorities take this a delicately as possible. When you've got your back against the wall and under a rock and next to a hard place the next best thing is Survival Strategy.

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Total Tomboy


Thursday, September 20, 2012

I Got What You Want

Guess its time for me to say fuck it and cut my losses. I don't like people who change the subject on me when there wasn't a topic being discussed in the first place.

I like how everyone tells you to go after what you want, plan your life according and you will receive an abundance of happiness. It's so easy, that everyone has done it and there's nothing to it!

Yet when what you want isn't within your reach, at your disposal, and trying to obtain it is wasting more time and draining your life—no one seems to have a fucking answer as how to solve it. Fuck going back to square one, if I had nothing but failures then there's no point in a third time, now is there?? Hell make that any time after the second time is futile and worthless. But yet when your unhappy, pissed off and sad. They have the nerve to throw it up in your face—Do what makes you happy, go after what you want, make things happen.......that's how I got to this depressive state in the first place.

So I guess I'm wrong for falling in love with a married man and wanting him, wrong for wanting to be happy, wrong for wanting to be a productive human being like everybody else, wrong for wanting to have a baby or two of my own, and even wrong for wanting something positive in my life for once. Life's fucked up and really not worth living.

If I didn't have awesome shit to blog, I would've jumped off a bridge by now (-。-;

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A Self-Made Hero


Wednesday, September 19, 2012

Bunny's Gangnam Style

They said they could see my Swag for miles
Told them I'm a Lady all the while,
It's just my Gangnam Style

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Oppa Gangnam Style! 2

I decided to do a wild google search last night for the lyrics to the awesome Gangnam Style song. Not only did I love the lyrics but I'm thinking someone needs to put this in English :D the lyrics are so sick to me lol.

Here's the Lyrics in English:

Oppa is Gangnam style
Gangnam style

A girl who is warm and humanle during the day
A classy girl who know how to enjoy the freedom of a cup of coffee
A girl whose heart gets hotter when night comes
A girl with that kind of twist

I’m a guy
A guy who is as warm as you during the day
A guy who one-shots his coffee before it even cools down
A guy whose heart bursts when night comes
That kind of guy

Beautiful, loveable
Yes you, hey, yes you, hey
Beautiful, loveable
Yes you, hey, yes you, hey
Now let’s go until the end

Oppa is Gangnam style, Gangnam style
Oppa is Gangnam style, Gangnam style
Oppa is Gangnam style

Eh- Sexy Lady, Oppa is Gangnam style
Eh- Sexy Lady oh oh oh oh

A girl who looks quiet but plays when she plays
A girl who puts her hair down when the right time comes
A girl who covers herself but is more sexy than a girl who bares it all
A sensable girl like that

I’m a guy
A guy who seems calm but plays when he plays
A guy who goes completely crazy when the right time comes
A guy who has bulging ideas rather than muscles
That kind of guy

Beautiful, loveable
Yes you, hey, yes you, hey
Beautiful, loveable
Yes you, hey, yes you, hey
Now let’s go until the end

Oppa is Gangnam style, Gangnam style
Oppa is Gangnam style, Gangnam style
Oppa is Gangnam style

Eh- Sexy Lady, Oppa is Gangnam style
Eh- Sexy Lady oh oh oh oh

On top of the running man is the flying man, baby baby
I’m a man who knows a thing or two
On top of the running man is the flying man, baby baby
I’m a man who knows a thing or two

You know what I’m saying
Oppa is Gangnam style

Eh- Sexy Lady, Oppa is Gangnam style
Eh- Sexy Lady oh oh oh oh

Oppa is Gangnam Style!

Read more:
Follow us: @kpoplyrics_net on Twitter | kpoplyricsnet on Facebook

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Worrying About Tomorrow


The Relationship Women Want


Should Know Don't Just Heart


The Beautiful People


A Strong Woman


Monday, September 17, 2012

A Blonde Bunny pt. 2

Well unfortunately my hair didn't come out as blonde as I would've hoped. Well the center of the top did. While the rest is more of a reddish brown. It looks more brown sable than the actual brown sable does.

Anyway here's a Pic ^_^

That's how it looked when it first dyed back in February 2009. Lol. I like it though so I have no reason to complain.

My mother even said she liked it. But then had the nerve to say I looked like one of the many cute little cartoonish Bunnys. I'm like what and when I finally figured out what she was talking about. Well you guys take a look:

I have nothing else to say XD LMFAO.

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Oppa Gangnam Style!

So in the midst of checking my email. I get a newsletter talking about all the Psy Parodies that are out. Now before I knew anything about the song I saw clips and gifs on Tumblr. Then I found out about the song a bout month or two ago.

Anyway in this newsletter was this My Little Pony parody of Psy's Gangnum Style. By far the funniest thing I ever seen!!!

So I've decided to post it for you guys. Plus Psy's Gangnam Style and Oppa Is My Style too.

Pony Gangnam Style

Psy's Gangnam Style

Psy & Hyuna Oppa Is Just My Style

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A Blonde Bunny

So after many, many centuries I decided to color my hair. The sophisticated people call it dying lol.

It's been a little over two years since I last colored my hair and about the same time frame since I had last put a perm in it. I didn't mind my curly locks and washing it once a month and leaving it go. But it was overdue some discipline and obedience haha. I got tired of having to spend everyday combing my hair out and not to mention my ends were split bad!!

So back in May during one of those 90 degree weathered days, I decided to perm my hair. Not a good move, but desperate times call for desperate measures right?? Thus in doing so, I realized how long it had grown! I had planned on chopping it up into some awesome looking pixie. I changed my mind when I saw the length. So I left it as is. Trimmed my ends and tried to put it in a style. It takes a lot of getting used to when you go without long hair for a long time. My hair is naturally long, but around my 20th birthday I chopped it off like a boy. And left it like that and if got too long I got it cut. But it's hard to find a good hair dresser who knows what they're doing and won't mess your head up.

Anyway I decided that at some point is color it. I missed having some sort of rainbow inspired hair and I definitely missed being a blonde lol. So in the midst of being up and not having much to occupy my time with I decided to color my hair this morning. Then I'll flat iron it a bit. Maybe at some point I'll curl it up and make it look real pretty for everybody lol.

Sooo soon enough you'll have to enjoy seeing a Blonde Bunny hehehe

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A Twisted Relationship


Sunday, September 16, 2012

Try Again (& Again & Again If You Have To)

There are times in our life where things become so complex and unmanageable that we decide to give up because we think it's for the better. No matter how hard it is to go over the same thing again and again in pure agony. The desperation of the simpler and happier time is in the midst of the foggy deception of knowing that sometimes, we can't be great at everything. Sometimes we have to learn to give up to learn a lesson, get over a bad friendship or relation and sometimes ever to move on and become a better person at the end of this Journey called Life.

But because we're only human, we can't help but listen to that little voice known as hope and say screw the world and the gay pony it rode in on and try one more time. Because when you do make that effort. Not only are you NOT giving up, but you're showing life that no matter what you throw at me—I'm going to prevail whether you like it or not. I'm going to make it. I'm going to use this experience as a stepping stone to a better Me. That small spark of a moment, that's when you realize, no I haven't given up. I took time out to think about to situation at hand and work to make it better situation and get that much closer to my deserved and overdue happiness. That's the moment when you've become more human than you ever thought you could be. That's what makes this whole crazy thing called Life worth it.

You're not meant to be what life or society expects of you. It's just not a pliable possibility. You're meant to be YOU. That's only thing you're good at being. And the more you, you are, the more happiness you'll begin to experience. The better situations come your way. Always remember that when you're at your lowest and shit just seems so messed up beyond all repair and everything's out of your control—there's only one place to go and that's up. Take the bullshit in stride and focus on how to better you.

Besides if you didn't try, you'd die without really knowing you're true potential, right??

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Now let's see if this works lol

Been having problems with blogpress. Tried the Blogger app for iPhone and it SUCKS!! Contacted blogpress and dude fin to tell me. I don't get the same problem, try your other gmail account. The hell dude I only got one what are you talking about???

Anyway kids, this is a test. Because if this ain't published for the world to see, I'm fin to start kicking some blogpress ass!

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I pick the title of this post from a classic Eddie Murphy film. Where he's this well-to-do player that wines and dines women and drops them faster than he picked them up. Until this one woman, Robin Givens, comes along and she treats him the way he's been treating women and he ends up not only getting played hisself, but having his career ruined and losing just about everything he loved dearly. What was sad the women he tried to get some understanding from, didn't want to be bothered—why?? Because he made them bitter not only towards him but all men and the refused to give him a second chance. It had its humorous side to it as well, but it made me think. I know exactly how those women felt, however instead of letting it scar me for life, I've decided to take Ms. Givens approach to this current situation.

For those of you that don't know, I am bisexual. Have been for a while now, but had been curious even longer than that (let's say over 10years or so). Anyway, well I met this woman via the wonderful Internet and we hit off. Can't really pin-point what I liked most about her. But maybe it was the undivided attention she was giving me, the way she felt me up or the sensuality of the relationship we had—whatever it was, I liked every single moment of it. During our short 3 or so months together, things turned sour and ended on a bad ass note. Basically the Novelty that was Me, wore off quickly and she pushed me off to someone else. Sounds familiar eh?? Lol. Well the whole time towards the end, while I tried to fix it and correct whatever little strand we had left. She refused to meet me halfway. I tried desperately to make it work. Why?? Well because I loved her she filled a void that the last love couldn't. Actually be with me, even of it was for a short period of time. I had some physical contact and that made me happy. When it ended, she acted as if I never existed from the beginning. Maybe to her that was true. That's perfectly ok too. I will say this much it hurt like hell to see her go and to let go.

Then that's when I learned people come into your life for a reason, leave or stay for another reason, and it all depends on what you've learned. Well for me I was too bitter to care and had far more plaguing issues at hand to tend to. I'm happy I had the time to grow and learn from the experience but I don't like the ugly scar it left on my heart. I couldn't understand exactly what it was that I did wrong or didn't do enough of, to make her stay. I felt like I was the one who was broken or missing something clearly. She also help teach me that you can expect too much or even do much out of people. Because when they let you down, you get hurt and become bitter and angry.

Now if learned anything, if someone didn't treat you right or abused or misused you. You know to leave that person the hell alone, right?? Well for most cases that holds true. But sometimes even though those people are leaves and are gone with the wind most all the time. Sometimes they blow right back into your life. But not to make a fool of you again, no. They come back into your life the same exact way they did, tell you things they think you want to hear, give you an Oscar Winning performance. There's a reason they came back to you. Probably more than one. Either they missed you, realized what they had or what they fucked up, they plan on using you again, or the underlying thing is they feel you're stupid. Sometimes it's all of the above, with the last two shining brighter than Christmas Lights. Well she came back to me, the same way she did the first time. Talking that sweet talk and telling me how much she hated we ended on a bad note and how she wanted to make it up to me. Ok. I'll play. It's been two weeks and to be honest, I've changed my game plan. At first I would agree and then move it along. Then I said no one mustn't ever pass up a good opportunity as this one. Call it being selfish, mean, hell you can even call me vengeful and bitter. But I do plan on making her hurt the way she made me hurt. I may know how to play the game a litter but better now because of experience and age. I've also learned not to let my emotions get the best of me. She's already flaked out on me not once but twice. Even made plans with me knowing she had other things to do with other people. So it lets me not only expect the worst of her, but I know she hasn't changed and don't plan on doing so anytime soon.

Which is why this all reminded me of Boomerang. It's perfectly ok for her to act that way. You can't change people or make them into something you want. It doesn't work that way. Either accept they're an asshole or move on and hope you don't pick up any of their relatives lol. So since she apparently has something up her sleeve, I'll play for a little while and then drop her just like she did me. I didn't become an evil bitter woman on my own. People mistreating me, taking me for granted and assuming the worse out of me before taking time out to really get to know me did. There is no room in my heart for any emotion but hate. Maybe one day it'll change, maybe not. But I'll have to admit and say, it's made me a stronger person, regardless, anyway.

Saturday, September 15, 2012

A Gay Investigation

So I've been sitting here with this on my mind for the past hour and I can't get it off or out of my head. Which means I need to blog about it.

I happen to check my Facebook and usually I get at least 20+ notifications, messages and friend requests all together. So I just happened to go like an old photo of mine in one of the many albums I have on there. So this guy likes a picture I took about two years ago or so in a whole different album. He comments:

I bet you don't know what to do with it.

He's talking about my tongue ring. So I responded:

I know I'm a pro at licking lollipops and ice cream—dicks are not included.

So he said oh I had to investigate. What exactly are you investigating???

I replied, No I don't do that not ever not never.

Then he replies oh you must like girls then. The hell is that suppose to mean?? I'm like yes as of matter of fact I do, I'm bisexual since you're wondering. He says it's the way I said "not ever not never" that made him wonder. What??? That's the dumbest shit I ever heard!

Well I told him:

Why would I want to anyway?? Not like I'm gaining anything from it. Besides since men wanna stick every hole they see and definitely not considering it.

He responds, You might be right about some guys but not all men are the same. Well I followed up with:

You might be right, but I've yet to be proven wrong. Just like all girls ain't chicken heads there's that small group that fucks it up for us all. Same thing.

I had to throw it up in face that you really just called me a chicken head and feel no remorse of whatsoever but expect me to accept that shit??

So he told me I was right about that. Dammit I know, thanks.

But what the hell?? Because I won't suck a man's penis that automatically makes me Gay?? What kind of fucked up shit is that. I doubt I'm the only one and if I am. Dammit women, keep that filthy snake out of your mouth. You just ate 5 pussies as far as I'm concerned and that makes more of a homo than me—AND I LIKE WOMEN!! Ugh this is why I've sworn off men, fuck them all. I can't even get a decent man to approach me and talk me like I'm a human being much less a Lady. Then to think, no one in their right mind would want to reproduce with such an idiot?? Besides I'll said it once and I'll say it again, my tongue ring is meant for decorative purposes ONLY; nothing more, nothing less.

So I guess now I'm officially gay deemed by the male race since I refuse to suck anyone's penis or lack thereof....

What Does 4 Have That 42 Doesn't??


Speak The Words I Cannot Say...

Yup, very true!!

Friday, September 14, 2012

Thursday, September 13, 2012

Missing Daddy

There are those subtle things that make me giggle.
But at night, when I'm lonely and missing that love.
I gaze up at the stars, desperately looking for His Light...

Well Maybe One More...

Well in the midst of getting ready today, I was excite because I thought my dreaded period was OVER!! Unfortunately after a nice a hot shower, she reared her ugly head out again and said Problem Bitch?? ;D

So I began to think and wonder, how the hell do you stop a period FOREVER?! I'm tired of this bullshit and what's it purpose? Everybody else gets those I bled for 5 days and it was sooo awful!! Dammit girl, I've been at this since August 31 and I ain't a happy camper right about now. I'm tired of my periods lasting 3 weeks if not longer. So I went on yahoo, because I was sure someone could answer my questions.

Same thing as always. It's because it's suppose to happen!! There's only a few ways like Birth Control, Depo Shot, get the Nuva Ring or Mirena, then there's surgeries with restrictions like a Hysterectomy and Tubal Ligation—I guess you'll have to put up with honey. The fuck I do. Besides I wish I could get a hysterectomy and at least then I wouldn't have to worry about the want or urge to have kids, because there'd be no way to do so. However you can only get one of you have a major medical problem like cancer or other such said catastrophes. So then there's tubal ligation, unfortunately ere where I live I have to be 28 years old. Like what the shit??? I have to wait damn near 5 years because soceity is fucked up?? At least I know I don't want to bring another dumb fuck into this world. But apparently that's wrong, too.


So someone answered and said that she thinks my hormones are doing the talking and one day in my 30s or 40/ I'm going to want kids. The fuck I do bitch. Only thing talking today is called PMS! But like how dare people tell you what to do with your body and your decision. I'm not going to wait around another 10-25 years for some guy to make up his fucking mind, I shouldn't have to. But since I can't really have a baby on my own without ridiculously high costs or requirements I can never meet. It's damned hard to be a single parent. No one has $12,000+ laying around. And since the health insurance won't cover nothing, you're screwed if you have to come out of pocket. I don't even have the money to join these sorry ass sites to FIND A DONOR—wait a minute—that I'll have to pay for his sperm too and it's not in a cheap range either.

But I just don't get that. I've made my decision. I don't plan on having any more sex, ever not with someone who can't appreciate me and commit. I'm sorry to be so difficult but I'm not going to be second or told no I'm not allowed to have kids because he already has a slew of them. That's not fair. But I refuse to wait. I don't want y kid going through the same thing I am going through now due to having parents who are 40+ years your senior. It's not healthy and doesn't bode good will either.

But I'm tired of having a period and I'm sure about my decision. If I can't have at least 2 kids by time I'm 30 (in 5 years) then I don't want them at all. I refuse to do something so stupid regardless of what everybody else says They don't understand and they're not looking at the view point that one day if they die, their kid is going to be all alone with no one.

Maybe it's me and I'm the only one who has a problem with this whole we need a period for, well just because bullshit. So what if you're gonna have a baby of your own or not—it's required. Reminds me of psychology in college.

Well I think if I can get health insurance I'll see if I can get Mirena and deal with that. Least it can be changed every 5 years and it suppose to last just as long. That stops the period, that's exactly what I want. Then maybe I can see about getting a hysterectomy or something later on. This is all for good faith and to keep me contented and no so bitter and unhappy.


What exactly is a Douchewaffe?? Click Here to find out!

That First Love Is Like....


Wednesday, September 12, 2012

Just An Old Fashioned Fairy Tale

Well today in the midst of thinking. Came up with a few thoughts. Might not all come together like most things do, but it'll have to do for now lol.

I don't know if I told you guys and dolls but for the past month or so I've been bombarded by guys. I wasn't really trying to get anyone's attention or even act like I'm interested in a relationship. But it seems like I've been getting 10 friend requests from guys all different ages, races and nationalities. But even though thats the case, they're all the same. They don't want a relationship, but want to talk about how they want to have hot passionate sex with me and tell me not to expect much else more than that. Oh ok. But when I decline that sorry ass offer I'm seen as bitch, or I'm stingy or I'm not doing what they ask me to—so disobedient!! Well you basically just told me all I'm good for is sex and nothing else. I'm useless. Thanks but no thanks.

Anyway about a week maybe two weeks ago I made the mistake telling my mother what I expected out of life. Which was to be married and have kids of my own. School and all that other stuff wasn't important. But now since I'm not getting any of that, life basically serves no purpose to or for me. So now she thinks I still want to be married and all that other girly fairy tale crap. No no I don't. The other day she got mad at me for pursuing the married mailman. Told me it was wrong and I'm like I really don't care. So she told me I was talking a poor attitude to this situation. How?? He's what I want but he's married, if I can get him to cheat I'll be happy. So what about his wife, she can't have every fucking thing the world has to offer. It's not fair. I had to hear the same thing again today and it made no sense to me why people get so upset over someone cheating. Foul, wrong or marriage sacredness this. That's crap. If you could control your feelings for people we'd all be emotionless zombies. But since that's not the case, shit happens. I fell in love with a married man. He may have lied to me and led me on and even treated me bad for a while. But it's not as worse being told all I'll ever be good for is sex. I'm not even good enough to be a mistress an that's messed up. I wear a top that dips a little bit in the front and I'm told how I'm sucha slut. Other chicks come out with a funky dress, pussy having out and tits barely covered and she's told how GORGEOUSLY BEAUTIFUL she is. The fuck?? Then when a new guy comes along or asks for my number, if I refuse to have sex with him or such his dick I don't hear back from him not ever. Some even left because I mentioned I'm bisexual. Can you blame me?? Men talk me to me like I don't deserve to be loved let alone respected. That'll turn any woman off and make her go towards women. However in that case some women nowadays are flaky just like the men. The best part about it all, when they feel and act like I'm stupid. That pisses me off. But I can't be mad, people have always expected the less out of me even if I tried hard or did even better. I'm still wrong.

Which brings along to my other topic. So my period decided to pop the hell up and fuck up a lot of things. In the midst of my bad cramps, I'm thinking why am I going through this pain really?? It makes no sense. I can't even get a guy to look at me straight and say hey she's worth it lets go out! Let alone being someone's mother. I've tried every possible avenue. To say to a man you want to have a baby is so taboo its ridiculous. As I was on my way home earlier today I thought, I didn't have a baby out of wedlock, didn't get pregnant in high school, was an all around good girl. Yet I get punished for that?? It's crazy. To be told well you don't have any kids likes its wrong. What's sad, this society actually punishes single women for not having kids or expecting more out of life. That's fucked up. Anyway I had thought or considered planning on finding some bloke to impregnate me do I could possibly get food stamps. Sounds ruthless I know. But I don't know what else to do with myself really. But now that it's coming to an end. I know I wouldn't be able to find a guy willing to do that. It would take months and weeks and I'd stil be stuck in the same predicament. Then I thought then maybe I'm not suppose to have a baby of my own, maybe I was never allowed to be a mom in the first place—I just assumed I would be because I thought I was worth it for any guy really, standards included or not. Unfortunately trying to do so on my own would be way too hard. No money and no stability is one reason, but the cost is way beyond anybody's means. Adoption and Foster care are one in the same now and it's even that much more heart breaking to know the baby can be taken off of you naysay. Besides I want a baby of my own. Not someone else baby she got to bond with and I'm just a permanent babysitter basically on for the time being whatever that may be. So I sat there tonight and said how much I'm kidding myself. And I came to a conclusion. Maybe if one day I do get a job or start to save some money. I'll go get my tubes tied or maybe a operation where I can get my ovaries and/or uterus removed. I feel if I do that, the feeling of whaling to be a mom won't be there. If I'm not able to get pregnant I won't have that urge or need. It's sad to give up but I don't want to wait another 25 years. I want to do it now why I have the age and a little bit of patience left. I want to see my kid grow up and get married or have their own kids or even graduate college. But I won't get any of that. So it's best to face the music and not concern myself with something that's never going to happen. Unfortunately everyone this will be the last Road To Mommyhood (RTM) post. No more posts, no more wants. I'm done. I think I've got it out of my system. It's sad and bittersweet. But me expecting to have a baby soon is like waiting to be married. It ain't happening anytime soon or even in the future. Why?? Because apparently I'm not worth it.

Now to topic number three. Like I've always said I'm some sort of freak of nature that seems to repel guys fast than bug spray repels bugs. Why, I have no fucking clue of whatsoever! Anyways. For the past couple weeks I've been feeling real bitter and pissed off. I'm tired of these unavailable men being so available. They love their home life but still yearns for that singleton lifestyle of boozing, have fun and women at their disposal. But what turns me off the most is when one of them tell me how worth it I really am and how any man would love to have me and be with me and marry me. Well apparently you're not one of them, neither are any of the rest of the men. Like I said no matter the race, location or whatever. They all act the same, say the same thing and nothing else because they've already got that. But if I have to be someone's sex toy then let me choose who it's gonna be. Is that so wrong?? Here I sit, mad because I'm lonely and don't have anybody to talk to. I love spending time with my mom, but I don't want to talk about what happened ok the news or why this talk show host did this or why the other one did that. God that shit gets so boring!! I want someone I can watch a movie with, not a romantic chick flick and someone who's not going to go to sleep either or fuss about watching reruns of shows that been off the air for decades. But I don't have that. Will never really have that companionship, no friends—not even best friends. Nothing. That hurts the most. I'm here on this planet without a reason, no purpose, my life sucks ass and I have no way of correcting or fixing it without someone—ANYONE—giving me a change, a little push, or just the support even. tired of the taken men talking to me while their women or wives are busy during the day. Tired of always being second to everywoman in the world. Tired of my friends only feeling I'm only good for a babysitter or to bring them a present. 2012 has been one of the most fucked up years I've ever had. To the point it's downright frustrating. What am I suppose to do with myself?? I'm bored every fucking day, nothing to do but to wake up and listen to my moms conversation of her TV best friends. I hate waking up in the morning. Nothing's change and it never will no matter how hard I try. I wake up to a nothing life and go to bed with it. Where's the future in that?? I even told my mother the other I wanted to be cremated. She told me I shouldn't. But why?? Who's going to bury me if she's gone?? Better yet who's going to come and visit my grave?? No one.

I don't know. I'm all for a good pep talk. But a Pep Talk isn't going to pay off my bills, make me less lonely or give me a baby. Talking helps but after while it's not gong to solve problems or make you feel better. It's like when a loved one dies and people come up and say how sorry they are.....Doesn't fill the void that lingers in your heart, doesn't bring that person back, it doesn't help for the heartache and pain that awaits later on.

So I took time out to think about all the things I had done, that I thought was right or I assumed I was doing the right thing. Being a good person, forgiving people who hurt me. Love all people and make as many friends as I could. Now look at me. I'm a 25 year old woman with no future, who's a step closer to being homeless and forever forgotten. It's been almost a whole year, I tried to fix my life and build something for myself. And I still failed miserably, even though I had all the expectation that I would get a job and be able to start a good life.

I guess not all fairy tales are meant to be...

Contented With It...

I know I'm not perfect, probably far from it. I have issues and make excuses. I can't even make up my mind when the time is right. I do what I want and I don't care about other people's feelings—I really don't. I'm selfish, stubborn, spoiled and have a tempter of two pissed off drunk ladies. I'm definitely far from what I imagine myself would be when I was a tike. But all in all between the bullshit and misadventures....I'm contented with the way it turned out. Otherwise, I wouldn't be me. I'd be someone else completely.

I rather be bad ass than a goody two shoes any day lol.

Ugly Is To The Bone

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