Friday, November 23, 2012

Bunny's Confessions #23

"Leave Me Alone"

Due to being an only an child I've spent a good majority of time being alone. Wasn't that I wanted to, didn't have much of a choice. I didn't have siblings and as for cousins they were all older than me by at least 10 years or younger males at that. So wasn't much there.

As time grew on I learned to accept the silence and become one with it. Even now I'm at my most contented state alone and quiet listening the to the ambience around me and letting my mind wander peacefully.

I will admit and say there are times where I do get lonely. I crave for the attention and interaction of another human being. But nowadays they've gotten so stupid and vindictive you really don't want to interact with them. Unless you're giving free sex, money or willing to be used more than a recycled condom—you can forget getting close to someone to share everything with and not be so lonely.

For a moment over the summer while I was out, star gazing. I wished I had someone there gazing on with me. Someone I can say, "Oh look! There's Jupiter, Taurus and Hercules" without them saying how stupid it is or bored they are. Someone I actually have something in common with that I can talk to forever and a day and never have to wonder will we be friends next year?? Will I'll be able to still call this person my closest confidant in 10 years??? Those things always trail through my mind from time to time.

Then I think about all the hurt and pain I went through trying to make and keep friends. How I always came up short, upset, hurt and most of all I always ended up alone. They made new friends without me and to this day some no longer speak to me even though I took the extra step to make our relationship work. They won't call to see if I'm ok, won't even wish me a happy birthday. I only exist when they want a birthday or baby shower present. I'm only an optional alternative. They go about life happy and contented no problems no issues and here I am unhappy and disgusted.

So eventually I got tired of all of that. I've decided that its best if I leave people alone all together. Now I know I can't be sure who will hurt me and who will stay and love me forever—I understand that. But I also don't need to be mistreated in the process or deemed as just an attendee who'll bring a gift. I deserve more than that. If people don't want to take the time to get to know me and let us have some type of relationship without them flaking out. Then maybe I wouldn't be so bitter and mean to people. Then maybe, just maybe I wouldn't say I want to be left alone either.…

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