Tuesday, October 2, 2012

Society's Burden

I'm tired and I've decided that I might as well give up. Apparently I'm a burden to society ;p

Some days I wake up and I have to ask myself why do I try so hard?? What exactly am I going through all this bullshit for?? I don't even know what I want anymore. Since its seems against all things that I can't have what I want. Then how am I suppose to know what I want?? I talked to a guy today who promised a job but I doubt it'll come through. He asked me the most baffling question today. He asked me, "Where do you see yourself 10 years from now?? As far as having a career and life goes..." I didn't have an answer. Didn't really know how to answer. All I could think of is I'll probably be an alone 35 year old woman living in some back alley having sex with some filthy hobo to get a couple dollars for a sandwich. But as far as work goes, I can't get a job now, how am I suppose to have a career?? It wasn't his fault and I don't blame him, he was very nice to me and understanding. But my feelings were hurt. Kind of want to start crying about it now—

But what makes it worse is that I can't even fix my own problems. Got a letter about one of my defaulted loans and how I need to make my mother pay the bill. And how everybody gets the money off their family members. Well excuse the fuck outta me I don't have that luxury. I have no money and I can't get a job. Yet they claim they understand that and how sorry they are about my situation blah blah blah. No you're not sorry. Know how I know?? Guy from the collection agency that hosts my student debt for the lender, today asked me if there was anything else he could help me with. I said would like to help me pay the bill off?? He told me bluntly no not my debt and laughed like a hyena brought into hysteria.

Not even the fast food places will hire me and you're telling me it's night fault I'm not applying myself?? How I'm a bum and my mother needs to put my lazy out of work as out on the streets. How can people be so demanding but yet refuse to help or tell me to go ask someone else. Tired of everyone treating me like I'm some freak and because I'm not like everybody else I don't have a purpose and I'm not entitled to one.

I'm just tired. Tired of being just part of the background because I have no other choice. I try to get a job and I'm told no go back to school. Try to go back to school and I need thousands and hundred millions worth of dollars and financial aid. To get those I need a job I need money to pay off my debt and get a good credit score to get a job. Then it all boils down I need experience or I need to know something most people don't know. Why not just tell me to go kill myself now to get it over with and make everybody happy, huh??

But in all seriousness. What's the point of living life, when there's nothing really to live for, gain from it or be hopeful in receiving? I will never get that happily ever after I waited so long and busted my ass for.

So tell me....what else is there??

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