Tuesday, September 11, 2012

The Same Mistake Twice or Thrice??

Sometimes in life we fall in love with people. Only a small few of us get to have that love stay pure, new and last for as long as we can. While the rest of us, well we fall out of love as quickly as we fell in.

I may not know everything. Maybe even consider myself an adult even though I can't solve my own problems. But I know who I love and why I love them so much. Regardless if they hurt me, made me cry and made me even wish we hadn't met so I wouldn't feel the heartache. Not even experience the pain that trails behind broken love. I would sit there and eventually get my life together and grow up a little bit. Then vow to never let it happen again.

Even when the time came where I knew I was over the both of them and was prepared to move on. I couldn't help but compare them to other people. And I realized those people weren't them and would never be. So unfortunately I couldn't love them fully nor wholeheartedly.

Even though they both hurt me bad. Made me feel like I wasn't worthy. Broke my poor heart. Even acted like I no longer existed. I still went back, because I love them, no matter how much I say I don't.

Its funny you know. That here I am, a 25 year old woman. I love a Married Man and I love a Taken Woman. Why?? I don't know. I just do. Love wasn't created to be explained or defined clearly. It was created to be felt, be envied, hated and lost. Call me a hypocrite. Even say I'm selling myself short. I could even be setting myself up for another heartbreak. I know I am. I get that. But when you love someone and want them and only them. It's hard to let go and divert your attention elsewhere. It's like being a kid and wanting that huge lollipop and your mother told you no you'll spoil your supper. All you can do is stare at it from afar while you walk out the store wishing that lollipop was mine. Yup it's that feeling. Except for me, I ran back in the store because I wanted that forbidden fruit and want nothing else. Even when I was told by my mother and many others not to. I miss the sweet taste love used to give to me. The way it felt, smelled and lured me in deeper and deeper. I miss all of that.

All in all. All I can say is that, I hope I don't get so deep in it again to make the same mistakes twice....


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