Tuesday, May 8, 2012

A Sad Alternative

I always try to do my research on a subject ahead of time, especially of its something I feel is important or I feel strongly about.

I always thought that before IVF became so popular. You could always adopt. You go in the adoption agency and tell them you're considering to adopt a baby. Then they'll go "google" prospects and find the one just right for you and you go down there with your baby basket and pick up your new bundle of joy. And if adoption wasn't an option, you could do foster care then adopt. Sounded easy enough to me and made sense.

Unfortunately you find out that it's not that easy and it's a hard long process. Besides the hardship of finding a baby or infant to adopt. The adoption itself can be pricey!! The starting cost nowadays is anywhere from $5,000 to $35,000. That doesn't include the attorney you will need, his fees you'll have to pay, and all the court hearings you will need to attend. One would think why do we need all of those things?? Well now since they let the birth mothers play a bigger role in picking a family. If the birthday decides last minute to keep the baby and raise it herself or worse picks another family instead. If you don't have legal means. You get no baby and end up with shattered dreams and brokenhearted.

Such said situation happened to Law & Order: SVU star Mariska Hargitay [Source]. She and her husband got prepared to adopt a baby and the birth mother actually pulled out of the agreement last minute and never got so much as a phone call from the woman. She stated in Good Housekeeping that she was sad and unhappy with the outcome. Fortunately she and her husband was able to adopt two beautiful babies in addition to the birth son.

When I think about that, for people who have infertility problems and would one day like to consider adoption. If they're not rolling in the bucks like Angelina & Brad, it's be a hard process financially. I considered adopting one or two of the children from the Haiti Disaster a year or do ago. I was told NO. Because I wasn't at least 25, married, college educated, owned a home and had a stable career. I wasn't a good candidate to be an adoptive parent. Plus I was single so it's that's much harder. But even if I had all of those things, $35,000 is a lot of money and very hard to come by in today's economic crisis. Then to top it all off it's easier to get a foreign child than it is to get an American. Dammit if it ain't so!

I also once consider Invitro Fertilization or IVF as it's commonly known. Because I thought that would be a better approach. It's not that I wouldn't mind adopting but I wanted to feel the same joy and happiness and even the worse times that other moms went through during pregnancy. At least once. When I find myself wanting a baby and the guys want to wait until they're way pass their 40s, 50s & 60s even to start thinking along the lines of a family. We as women, don't have that same kind f time frame. I considered having a baby by IVF about 2 or 3 years ago. The woman told me if I was truly interested I would have to find and pay for a donor as well as pay or the procedure which totaled a whopping $50,000 and you need at least 5 sessions so that's $250,000. Yea I dismissed that thought quickly. Even more so when I found out getting a Dixie cup of sperm was gonna cost hundreds of dollars. Like I know we need men to procreate and all but I doubt it's really that serious—

But then I felt so bad because I had to sit there and wonder. What do women and people do who can't have children of their own, can't afford adoption or IVF?? What do they do?? Some happy pills and a good talk that cost the same amount as a new house ain't gonna cut it! Or at least I don't think so. Just the thought of not being able to have kids of your own is damaging enough and just as depressing and heart aching. But to be told all your life that if such a situation ever did happen you could adopt or get IVF and then find out if you're not making millions, billions & gazillions a year; that's not a possible or pliable option.

Foster care is its ow daunting task with many emotions mixed in. However the two serious back up plans are just a distant fairy tale. Makes me kind of think of the movie Up. Felt so sorry they couldn't have a baby and they really wanted one. But what's even sadder is these girls out here who are Baby manufacturing companies and they could care less about the kid. Slightly twisted isn't a good enough definition for that type of irony.

However I hope that maybe in the years to come that changes and people are allowed more decision, more say so in their life. Their life their decision. Maybe adoption won't be so hard, maybe IVF will become so much cheaper. But until that happens I guess those who are childless have to have a strong hope and a good support system. Because trust me they're going to need it.

I decided to talk about this because a lot of people don't know and are so quick to say something. Whether it was meant to hurt your feelings or was done in error. People need to know about the major troubles some people go through. And consider more how to fix or help than speak something that wasn't sincere.

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