Saturday, May 9, 2015

Happy Mothers Day!

I just wanted to wish all the ladies out there a happy Mother's Day and I hope you enjoy it to the fullest. I hope the men out there have a happy Mother's Day as well. 

You only get one mom so love her to death. 

Monday, May 4, 2015

Sunday, May 3, 2015

Thursday, April 23, 2015

Just Before 30


I've found that reaching 30 in these next couple of years (literally) that people just automatically assumes things. Even more so than usual. 

So I thought I throw those misconceptions of single women approaching the BIG 3-0 and how society views us and forces us to adapt to an old tradionalism that is obsolete in living in the 22nd Century (yes I said 22nd century lol).



Don't ask me if I have kids and then rebound that with a "well when are you gonna have kids?" To a "you better hurry up you're not getting any younger!" Followed by a "you never know you might meet prince charming next week and have tons of kids soon" just no, just stop. 

Even though im (going to be) 28, I know I dont want kids. I wont say like all the other women that im not motherly enough or it never struck my fancy. I mean c'mon it was my dream at one time to be a mommy. But just like dreams changes, so do wants and desires. Compared to 18 year old me to I don't want kids. I've made up my mind and I know for sure I don't want kids. Its not based on things like age career or anything like that. I knew long time ago that I didn't want to start a family in my 30s (much less 40s). I didn't want to be like my parents. The were wonderful parents dont get me wrong, however when I came along they were old, boring, less active and strict and demanding. The older the they got the less they became able to do. Hell look at my situation now. I haven't had parents in two years. I still got many years to go without parents. A lot of people don't understand that has an affect to it all. Growing up it would suck because I didn't have a grandpa to bring into school or my grandma was too sick. I couldn't celebrate siblings day because I was an only child. All my cousins were old enough to be my parents. It sucked ass going to school. While everyone else's mom was teenie boppers or in their twenties and grandparents in their 40s. Here's my parents in their 50s on walkers and needing several naps just to function. I knew then I never wanted to go through that with my kids. Yeah living your own life is great and all but you can't be selfish and expect things to fall into place. I rather be old and experience new things, than to experience everything but can't really enjoy the older years to come. 

But since I've been adult and been thrusted into the new millenia dating scene. I can't see myself being the mother to a lousy man's children. And men are lousy. Say what you want. But there is no more dating or courting or getting to know someone. Its all about let me fuck you while you fuck me and we fuck each other until we're tired and move on to the next fucker. After awhile that gets old, plus there's diseases and pregnancy happens too. Things I dont want any part of. And why would I. I already dont like temporary happiness why would I want to be fucked over literally and left all the time?? With that being said I dont want to be a baby's mama. Unlike what people think, not every situation is meant to be good. No matter how positive or how much hope we have--if its not meant to be then its not. I dont want to be in a situation where im doing everything for a baby. I wont have a mom to babysit or a dad to pick snookums up from daycare, I wont have a sister or brother to help me out. I'd be doing it all. Honestly that's way too much and that would frustrate the fuck out of me. Knowing that can't take care of my baby to the fullest and having no support system makes its worst, but being stuck with a man who isn't all that interested in responsibility that would be pure hell. And im not putting myself into that situation. I dont want to be in that situation. Hell it was about to end up like that when I first got pregnant and I was shocked then. Now I would be mad as hell. So no I don't want kids. I wont change my mind. 



On to the next.... Marriage. I'm tired of hearing people telling me I need to get married. How any guy would be happy to be with me. No. Just no, just stop. If that was truly the case I wouldn't be single. I wouldn't have to deal with shitty ass dudes or have my heart ripped out, chewed up, spit out, stepped on and set on fire. But its not so much out of the loneliness crap. Since majority people believe that if you're single you're lonely as hell and desperate and depressed and longing for human contact. No we all aren't. But its this insulting assumption that I can't be a proper human being nor can I be considered a woman unless im married to a man. Being married isn't all its cracked up to be. It doesn't mean he'll take care of me or even provide for me. I still maybe on my own in a lot of things. I also don't want to be married. The thought of divorce disturbs me. I know it happens and can and even will happen. But why get married if you're gon a decide that one point many days, weeks, months or years that you don't want that person. No you knew that all along and was just entertaining yourself but wasting their time. Either way its not good. And since I know with my being bisexual having to pretend to be straight would bother me. I wouldn't want to limit myself to one person not saying I'll cheat, but I may want to have long term relationship with guy and I may even want to have one with a girl too. I just don't want marriage to be an issue. I dont want to be left, especially by someone who's indecisive. I rather be single or shack up maybe. Not everyone is desperate to be married before or after 30. Someone of us have set limits. We all don't want to be that one aunt waiting to get married and never do. Sometimes you gotta bite the bullet and accept that we're meant to be cat owners or dogs or fish or whatever lol. I function better as a cat lady. 



Just because a woman is single we're not all trying to be Carrie Bradshaw. We all don't live in New York, we all don't work a fabulous job and don't have more shoes than closet space. We definitely can't afford to travel either. I know working minimum wage I can barely pay for bills let along going out to have a drink or two or going on vacation somewhere. Priorities come into play, if you live alone like I do you know what I mean. For me there's no one to wake me up or do stuff for me. I have to do everything at my home, from paying bills to getting the trash out on time to even fighting off bugs, raccoons and rats. I have to do it all, because no ones gonna do it for me. My family has made that very clear. And most men that I do encounter even make that clear. Just because I own a house doesn't mean I wanted to do so. I rather be in an apartment, honestly. I took over my parents house because I didn't want to be homeless anymore or looking for a place for me and my cat to sleep at night. Was I making the best decision then?? Yeah I think so. Do I still think I made the best decision?? Not really. Its expensive to care for the house. Since its just me and I basically work every damn day, tending to home becomes more of an issue and chore for me. I know I can't do it by myself. But I also know I don't want someone in my home who doesn't know how to appreciate my situation either. So I've got to make it work. Which means busting my ass at my job or getting two jobs and not having time for "fun" because I got priorities. That's what adult life is really like. Its hard and difficult and there isn't always a cheat code. 


For record, we all don't love cooking. We all aren't trying to be the best chefs to impress some man. Some days I'm like fuck cooking, and I have chips, ice cream and soda for dinner. Its just me and since meals for one are tv dinners which are gross, making a meal GC means I have to be stuck with it for a week or two. In most cases majority of my meals are repeats because I want to cook something I know ill eat. Even though that gets old and I run out of foods to get excited about.  Its better than cooking meatloaf (as suggested by the aunties). I hate meatloaf and will never eat that unless i have to. I dont even wanna make it. It's gross to me. I have done different things that makes cooking more enjoyable but bottom line is I can't stand cooking. Its a pain in my ass. 


Next, please dont off your advice on our lives. We all are given our own and go about handling things our own way. If you don't like it,then tough cookie. Its not your say to tell us we need to find a man (or a woman) or how we need to pop out kids or tell us how our finances are the greatest because we dont have kids. We dont need that. We dont need to be re-raised and given messed up advice. Yes it is messed up. You're giving your outlook on the situation while being outside. If you were inside dealing with it you probably would do something completely different. A lot of people told me I shouldn't cut my hours at work. But im also tired of being garnished and working 80hours and only getting $400. And out of the $800 I get a month. I need $100 in transportation. My utilities come out to $450, cable is $150, my cell phone bill was $200, then I still have to purchase food for me and the pets which comes to $300 at least. I've already exceeded what make. But if I wasnt garnished I'd have an extra $200 each month. So even in the event of cutting back, I dont catch a ride home I walk, i cut my cellphone bill and even started shopping at the dollar store for food. But then also there are those random things that come up like taxes, refuge and renewal of my drivers license that you don't plan for that comes up. My taxes all together is about $1400 that's for the year. Unfortunately I didn't pay my school taxes because I was out of work and $700 right on the spot I a lot and I was out of work too. So now I have to figure out where to get $1700 from to pay for that. Then there are home expenses like my leaking roof that also needs to be tended to. Quite honestly its very overwhelming to handle all on your own believe me. So just because we dont have kids or a spouse to tend to doesn't mean we have it easier. Especially if you haven't live on your own for years or so. We can do without the lecturing. 


Honestly, I feel im in a better place heading into my 30s. It may not be where I wanted to be or expect to be. But im contented. Really, I'm excited to see 32 for some reason. I can't remember why exactly but I can't wait to find out why it was so special to me at one time. 



That's A Misconception


I think what's wrong in today's world is the fact that people don't have any regards to their fellow man or woman. They've turned into selfish people the whole while hoping that they get that neighborly love from others but in the mean time they treat you like shit. 


That seems to happen a lot in the work place and I don't understand that. Like don't expect an employee to be ok with staying at the bottom of the totem pole their entire life or when you no longer have use for them. My job is a prime example. 

Though I love working there besides the hard labor. I enjoy the people I work with and feel very comfortable. However I dont like just working minimum wage and being forced to stay there. Like im not trying to aim for management. But I do want something more. I dont like that my managers are petty. I dont like that the pay sucks. I dont like having to do 5 jobs but only get a paycheck for one job. Most places dont offer health insurance or raises or even promotions. My job does but it takes forever. What I especially dont like is the fact that there are people at my job who bust ass everyday and do great but it goes unrecognized and the admiration goes to the one kid who not only calls off or never shows but has an bad attitude and is either eventually going to quit or get fired. That's wrong. Or they fire the wrong people for the pettiest of reasons and that's just plain sad. 


However we as a people have evolved. We dont care as much if we get fired or lose a job. Well look for another one and in most cases we have a side hustle to make up for what the job lacks. But in this day and age you have to. One job wont cut it. Two doesn't even cut it. But things are costly and while those things are going up. The pay is going down but they expect you to survive without any assistance or handouts or help. But it doesn't work. It makes it hard for us to plan ahead for the future. 

But its like society has this thing where they want us to succeed but not pass a certain point. If we get too close to going over that point or make it over. There's always some wild ass disaster that happens. Whether its losing a job, garnishments, backed taxes or something that's so far out of our control that we can change or alter it at all. Its cruel and unusual behavior to be honest. But it seems the way life is set up. Maybe its a population control technique or a way to make sure the rich stay rich. Because there isn't any more middle class. There's poverty, poor and rich. No in between. Hell poverty is like two inches under poor. So to me its one in the same but to society its not. 


I'm surprised that in this day and age that the need for survival has become a controlled side show of the fittest but yet its still fixed and in the end you may never win or succeed or get out of a vicious circle you're being forced to participate in. Its ultimately sad really.

Wednesday, March 25, 2015

2B or Not 2B; The Life Of Singledom Is Pure Tragedy

Hi kids,
I know it's been awhile since you've last heard from me. Between dealing with work and the everyday pressures of being single. I swear I'd kill for a vacation from it all and to just be relieved for a moment you know??

But I decided to write this because several things have been irking me the last few weeks or so. To the point, I'm beyond frustrated. Like i'm at my wits end as to what to do to fix my life even to a more positive standing than where it is now.

Lately it seems like I've been getting more suitors than I can handle. Some are just weirdos expecting me to get super excited and lover-lusted just by them saying 'HI' to me. Which it don't work that way. I know that works for some of the whores of today but it doesn't work for everyone. But besides the jerks who sends me pictures of their cocks in my inbox like it's going out of style. I had one guy who's almost 20years my senior and is basically telling me that we're getting married and having kids. At first I humored him but then eventually told him I wasn't interested and wasn't attracted to him like that. Plus between the weird things like saying God told him to tell me that me and him are getting married, how I'll be the bestest stepmother to his 3 kids (one of which is a few years younger than me) as well as a good step-grandmother to his grandchildren, then how he wanted to cook and eat my pets...... Yeah I know right??

After that, I got fed up. I kept getting all these wild ass guys who basically telling me I don't have a choice or how I have to choose them or in some case GO TO WHERE THEY LIVE and be with them. No. I'm definitely not doing that, not only am I NOT looking for a man. I definitely don't need another one telling me I don't have a choice when it comes to picking a somewhat suitable mate. I rather not be bothered. Not that I'm super man hater, but why do I want to waste my time with a guy who can't even be understanding that I work and don't have time to fool around or have "fun" like he does?? One guy got mad because I don't know what time I get home in the evenings. Well it's rarely the same time. No I don't know because it doesn't matter in most cases when I finally get home I'm not leaving or going anywhere until the next morning if I work. But the funny thing with him, he can't talk to me past 9pm but he wants to come over to my house around 9pm to "hang out" with me. Lately they've all been telling me what I need and how they can give me this world of happiness and great sex. I'm like dude no. What I need is my bills paid, and my house fixed up to a better condition it is now. Your probably lousy sex and bullshit laced happiness isn't going to cut it for me. But yet I'm the bad guy or I'm wrong for not giving guys a chance. But I'm confused I'm not out there looking a dude. I don't have a need for one in my life. Shit I can't even make some arrangements to find a temporary space for one. And I'm definitely not going from dude to dude to keep that blissful lust ongoing. Don't have time for that. I'm not interested.

One thing that's really pissed me off is these dudes inviting themselves over for dinner. I can barely support myself and buy food for myself. Why am I going to cook and have you waste food?? If you haven't brought groceries then I'm not cooking for you or feeding you. I just think that's so rude for a guy to do that. Don't assume you're going to get a free meal off of someone. Yes it's nice to know if someone can cook or not. But you can't base a decision off of one ideal or good trait. That's like me being happy with a man who works, but doesn't provide or share expenses. I cook because I have to, not because I want to be this awesome chef and provide these awesome meals for a man later down the road. No I cook as a way of survival. No I'm not sharing because in most cases I had to fight to get my food stamps, struggle to get to the grocery store and struggle to get those groceries home and then struggle to make something that'll last me for days or even a week or two. Like get the hell out of here with that nonsense. I'm not your mom and I don't have to prove to you if I'm a good care giver or not especially if you aren't my husband, my child or my main squeeze. But lately men have gotten unbelievably rude.

Which then leads us to the whole why society seems to find it hard that I'm single. So many men would be happy to have me and how pretty I am and how I'm a hard worker. When I say I dunno or how I'm not interested then I have to get lectured on how I can't be a functioning human being without a man whose shadow I can gracefully walk in. It's like no that's ok I don't need a man. Then comes the whole well how are you planning on having kids ordeal. I'm not, I don't want kids. I don't want to be in the position where I would end up a single mother. Then comes you don't know that you might meet Prince Charming and he'll be ever so happy to have you nonsense. I'm like look with the way I attract the lousiest of guys, I doubt that'll happen. I'll be damned if I'mma be on my own raising a kid and doing and being everywhere without any help of whatsoever. Yeah that's a road I want to avoid at all costs. I don't want my own family, It's more of a burden to me now than it being a luxury when I was younger and wanted the husband and house full of kids.
But what's ironic, I remember years ago men wouldn't want nothing to do with a girl if she wasn't working or didn't have her own place. Now that I have those things, they act like I'm too independent and I need to turn it down several notches. But why? Why do I need to be dependent?? Especially on someone whom I'm not totally sure will be there for me when I really need them. I think that's why I'm so comfortable living and being on my own.

Yeah being a Singleton and living alone has it's perks and you can do what you want when you want and with whom and whatever else your little heart desires. But there are moments where I'll admit it's really fucked up to be on your own. Especially for those of you like me who were an only child, parents are gone or decease, family is just people you know of--literally, and the only friends you have either live too far away or are busy with their own goings on. So yeah most people paint this ideal apartment life and how cafes and corner stores and bookstores embrace this cute apartment you live in and how you can wave your arm or snap your fingers and the golden taxi takes you wherever you need to go. Unfortunately that's not the case for some people.

I decided to live on my own because I didn't like living with other people, the crazed rules. Being home for dinner at a certain time, curfew, laundry day, no pets allowed, you can't do this and you can't do that. OH MY GAWD I'm damn near 30 and here I am being treated like a 13 year old. I couldn't stand it. Taking on a house by yourself is a lot different from apartment life. I had faith I could it on my own but I realize now (two years later) that I can't do it all by myself. I tried getting a roommate but after having the tenants destroy my house that is a no go for me. But bills are costlier. Hell my electric bill is more than my paycheck in a two week period! All my bills were extremely high this year and that was with costs going up. With me being garnished at work for my student loans, not only do I have a smaller paycheck, but trying to divide a little over $800 a month over everything that costs $200 each. I can't do it. I've lost my mind trying to make this work for the last 3 months and it's not working. I'm tired of busting my ass 40 hours each week and bringing home less than part time pay. If I miss a day of work I'm screwed. So I'm at this dead end like what the fuck am I suppose to do?? I have no one to depend upon--no one. Trust me it's no picnic. I've been trying to get home from government programs but since I'm not a single MOM, and I'm not a BUM by choice so I cant get any type of help of whatsoever.

It's like I've entered the ugliest nightmare ever and people keep telling me the only way out is hard work, determination and faith. But it seems when I do all those things I keep getting dragged back into the darkness. I'm ready to sell the house and wing it. I'm just tired I guess. Tired of everything being weighed in on me. I don't have the option to have someone to depend upon or to make phone calls or to handle business when I can barely function with everyday life due to overworking myself. I don't have someone to call when my bills get behind or I'm struggling to buy food. I'm on my own, for everything, for anything.....forever.

Here I sit with a jacked up knee. I fell on sunday and scraped my knee really bad. Also scraped up my hand and my toe and even sprained my ankle too. No matter how many calls I made to clinics today to see if someone would see me, I got turned down. The better clinics are too far to walk with my messed up knee. That's the messed up part about living utterly alone. It's all fine and dandy until you get sick or need some serious help. But i knew that ahead of time when I decided I would pursue life on my own.  I just assumed that I could handle it all, not because I felt like some goddess or super woman. I was comparing it to my single life I had in college. While college wasn't super efficient, it was a more attainable lifestyle. The grocery stores were around the corner or a taxi ride away. In some cases we were spoiled to have a cleaning crew come and clean the rooms and bathroom and so on and so forth. And bills that occurred every month was nothing more than a cellphone bill. It was highly different. I've noticed with trying to figure out what the hell was wrong in the world currently. It began to make sense when I finally researched it. Majority of singletons my age are in apartments and if shit hits the fan they call on their support system to dig them out of the hole or prevent them from drowning. Me I don't have that. If I fuck up with my bills even for a month I'm screwed. Now I'm trying to figure out how I'm going to pay my property and school taxes, if I'll have enough money to renew my license. But what worries me the most if I should happen get deathly ill or god forbid die, who's going to think to even try to see if I'm ok or not. I'm prepared with the thought that it could happen, but it would suck that months after I've died and my cats too probably and someone's like OH HEY IS YOU OK OR NAH?? Most people that call in to "check in on me" basically call me like I got all the resourses in the world. They tell me they saw a car on sale for $5000 out in some godforsaken land that they happen to drive by (but can't come get me to see it or get it if I had the money because that's not their problem) or how I should do this or do this or go here, there and everywhere like I have a car to get to this places and majority of the buses once you get off the bus line you need to be ok with walking 15 minutes or more to the next location. Or they wanna tell me if you do this with you bills or get a roommate or get a better job or jump over the moon backwards while counting the alphabet in pig latin. But when I ask well can you help me out, then I have to hear all the excuses of how they cant or won't but have enough audacity to brag to me about all the people they've helped like they're the saints of all saints.

Things like that pisses me off, you have so much say in everything I do but won't help out at all. But then throw it in my face like you wanted to live alone and be an adult so figure it out on your own, but if you get a man then it wouldn't be a problem. Like he's gonna help me out seriously?? Yeah, there's a reason I decided to live on my own, I learned that people are so damn unreliable and I end up doing stuff on my own regardless. Of course after I struggle to get through the task at hand, I always get that oh you should've called me I would've helped you out. Yeah, sure you would. 

Bottom line, being and livin single is remarkable. You learn a lot and grow up real fast and fine out what's more important in life and to you and to your personal well being. However if you have a terrible or no support system, then the entire burden is upon your shoulders and you fuck and trip or waver, you will be crushed by all that you're carrying. Then you'll know how it truly feels to be alone. Honestly if you can't handle that, then you're best living with someone. Otherwise if  you can handle it, be prepared to turn into a cold heartless, evil ass bitch/bastard. 

Monday, February 16, 2015

STDs vs. States

I came across this while on Facebook last year (yeah I always do my homework ahead of time lol). I found it to be very interesting.

This article talk about the top 10 states that are the worst places to get a STD! Honestly it came as a surprise to me because some of those places I would've never thought would be in this list. Check it out:

Worst States for STDS (source)

  1. Louisiana 
  2. Mississippi
  3. Georgia 
  4. Alabama 
  5. South Carolina 
  6. Arkansas 
  7. Illinois 
  8. Texas 
  9. New York 
  10. North Carolina

But then I wonder well what exactly are the best states for STDs. What's meant by that is what states are better to NOT catch or has a LOW RISK of STDs. I searched until I found a list. Check out the best states:

Best States for STDs (source)

  1. West Virginia 
  2. Maine 
  3. Vermont 
  4. Utah 
  5. Wyoming 
  6. Montana 
  7. Idaho 
  8. New Hampshire 
  9. Nebraska 
  10. Minnesota

Now if you're in a state like mine who isn't listed. It makes you wonder where you're state lies in this STD chaos, right?? Well I went on another search to find out where the other 28 states stood in this worst and best case scenario of STDs. So I came across this article on NerdWallet and it gives the full list of all of the 48 states and where they rank in STDs. My state came in 21st, which in one since I'm shocked, as many people here bank on sex and do so unsafely there's no way it's in the middle. But all things are baffling. Want to know where your state ranks?? Check out Common Types of STDs: Statistics by State. Now please be aware that these statistics are for 2014 and things may be different. But it's still informative either way.

However I do think we all need to grow up and learn to protect ourselves and not play with STDs. It's as equally big and damaging as an unplanned pregnancy. Whether you know it or not, people will judge and base your sexual relationships and the diseases you caught in the process to heart. Heck I had a guy turn me down because of it, but unlike everyone else I don't make it apart of my life to catch it em, I don't want to be the Pokemon master of STDs. Neither should you.

So please use a condom, get to know the person at least a week before you sleep with them.You wouldn't give some stranger your bank account, social security number and other personal information. You need to treat your penis/vagina the same way.

Sunday, February 15, 2015

For The Love Of Condoms


Happy Condom Week 2015!!

First let me say Happy Belated Valentine's to all my love bunnies out there. If you're single like me, then I hope you had a wonderful Saturday unless you got caught in the snow storm like I did. Then it's only as good as it gets right?? lol.

Anyway, Happy Condom Week!!! This year, I am going to do the same old same old with facts and condom jokes and whatnots. However this year I decided to do something a little different. Because I've noticed a lot of posts over the last several months on sex and love and unplanned pregnancies. But then I noticed this one article I read about a young preteen who had gotten pregnant before HIGH SCHOOL and she said one thing she wish for was to have been properly educated on sex.

What's funny, it's true. We aren't properly educated on sex and it's like grown ups can't properly verbalize about sex. However with that happening we are kinda left in the dark and go about it through trial and error which in itself isn't good and that's how those mistakes happen. So this year, I decided to take the initiative and be the mom that everyone hates because I say how I feel without giving a damn. Because everyone has the right to know about sex and at least be properly educated on it and not go about it blindly in the dark you know??? (what if you miss the hole? lol)

So since I didn't have much time to plan this all out, we're going to be winging it lol. Nothing out of the unusual right?? I'll try to keep this as entertaining as possible and educational. So sit back and enjoy this awesome week!!

Friday, February 6, 2015

Car Buying


This is a quickie since I have to get up early and work tomorrow :p I got spoiled not having to work weekends now I'm back working weekends and it sucks ass lol

Anyway, since I lost my super duper minivan back in June, I've been bussing it or walking it out all over Pittsburgh, which sucks because the town I live in has little to nothing available. Hell our grocery store opens late in the morning and closes early as hell so it doesn't give me much when shopping. The small stores like CVS and Walgreens don't have everything I need. Then trying to make a HUGE shopping trip whilst walking majority of the way and waiting for a lame ass bus is like torture within torture. So I decided I wanted to get a car as fast as possible and something reliable that'll get me to and from work and to the grocery store and maybe an outing every now and then. Plus I would like to get back to jitneying and if possible pick up a second job maybe.

Well today I had an appointment at the CarHop which always boasts about how fast they'll get you into a car and how easy it is and how there's little to no paperwork. Not only did I have to wait an extra 10mins from my 10:15am appointment today, but that quick 15-20minutes process quickly turned into a 1 hour and a half process and it made me late for work too on top of that. But half the shit I had to go through was ridiculous!! I know why it's needed and I get it but honestly all of that could've been avoided if the man I talked to on the phone told me I'd be there over an hour or so and that I would need additional paperwork and 12 references and be willing to pay for a $350+ bill every month too which I thought was a bit much for a used car lot. Like who the fuck want's to pay $400 for a car that has THOUSANDS of miles on it???

So I realized something today, sometimes if it sounds too good to be true.....usually it is or it comes with a lot of extra bullshit that for some reason needs to be kept secret until later. Like I get that some information isn't necessary until the opportune moment comes, but if you know that I'll need references or my W2 or several paystubs then that's something you need to tell me no one wants to keep making several trips for no reason.

Regardless, I'm still going to look for a car because I want and need one. I'm tired of depending upon people who are suppose to be reliable but they're fucking like ghosts whenever you call their ass for a ride or a favor. I do got one who's cool peeps and I love her to death for helping me out. She even offers, like and she shouldn't have to when I got a broke ass lazy ass unemployed ass cousin that could be helping me but he wants to do it when he feels like it or when his chick won't give him any money. Like nigga please!!

But whatevs. I have faith that one day I'll get a little ride and be able to upgrade myself into a better situation. Until then, I'll keep on walking and catching the bus.

c'est le vie--

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